Whenever we use our devices, we receive shots of dopamine that reward us. Dopamine is highly addictive because it makes us feel so great.
The dopamine reward is not only addictive, but it also severs the connection between the limbic system and the frontal lobes meaning we are no longer able to think things through fully before acting. Hence, we purchase things on the internet that we may not need, we post prolifically to get continual rewards, and we might make comments on social media that we wouldn't ordinarily say in person.
The good news is that we can rebuild that broken connection, it just takes time. Restricting the use of technology is one option, yet one that I least prefer.
👉 The most preferred method of adaptation is to exercise! Exercise need only be a 20 to 30-minute medium to fast-paced walk that lifts our heart rate to pump oxygenated blood through our veins, to burn off adrenaline & cortisol, and to reconnect us to our prefrontal cortex. That reconnection is why ideas tend to come to us whenever we exercise.
❤️ Plus, we get the bonus of pain-relieving endorphins to make us feel great.
Imposter Syndrome!
"I'm not good enough."
"I don't deserve this position."
"I made a mistake, I shouldn't be doing this role."
Sound familiar?
Many people experience imposter syndrome - not believing they have the necessary skills for their current role, telling themselves they don't deserve to be in the position that they are in, and feeling that they are a fraud.
If this is something you are struggling with, try focusing on these tips:
💙 Stop comparing yourself to others, each of us is unique and has something to offer.
💙 Accept that you are as good as others say you are and that you got to where you are because of your knowledge and experience.
💙 Know that if you make a mistake, it's not because you are an impostor, it's because you made a mistake. That's all, a simple mistake.
💙 Don't hold back and hesitate, prove to the world that you are as good as others say that you are.
💙 What advice would you give a friend if you heard them say they weren't good enough? What if you gave that same advice to yourself?
Giving Has A Mutual Benefit
Many people are in desperate need of support after being impacted by the recent weather events throughout the country.
I could fill pages with the benefits of altruism, but I won't. All of the science, psychology and research I could find (and there is lots of it) indicates that altruism is good for you as well as for the benefactor.
If you aren't in a position to help out financially, maybe you are in a position to:
👉 Give your time to help someone in your community
👉 Check in on your friends and family - a quick message or phone call
👉 Thank our essential workers - many are the same people who got us through the pandemic
👉 Smile at those you pass by
👉 Look after your own mind health - so that you are in a better position to help others when you are ready to do so.
The Grief Cycle For Recovery - Is It Truly A Cycle?
It is said that we go through a recognised cycle when adversity hits, the grief cycle.
This cycle is based on a model developed in 1969 by Swiss-American psychiatrist, Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, who worked for many years with terminally ill people. It remains largely valid today despite us knowing more about the brain than ever before. In fact, that same cycle is a useful model for dealing with all adverse events.
For me, the cycle is not quite as descriptive as suggested. There is no clear delineation between the stages nor what happens in each stage. In fact, the entire process seems more like a washing machine cycle than a stage-by-stage recovery process.
😳 Disbelief - shock, horror, and numbness. Similar to denial is complete disbelief of what occurred. We may have thoughts of; these things always happen to someone else but not me, it must be wrong, I am going to wake up tomorrow and everything will be okay, it is just a bad dream.
🎢 Anger - or a roller coaster of emotions. We may experience a complete range of emotions; sadness, anger, anxiety, despair, fear, guilt, regret, and the list goes on. Many of us will find ourselves getting angry - how dare this happen to me - all of these emotions are usual (normal).
🤝 Negotiating - making promises, deals and pleas with; a higher power, other people, or yourself. "I promise if you get me through this I will or never will...." We look at ways to move forward but are reluctant to do so as we don't ever want to forget what has occurred. We do try to bargain to move on, mostly with ourselves.
😩 Exhaustion - in the following days, weeks, or months of heightened emotions; we get tired, fragile, and vulnerable. Melancholia (deep sadness) from exhaustion sets in. This is the time to be gentle with ourselves because we are at our most sensitive. It's the time now to reflect on what occurred, the time to forgive us and others, the time to rest, the time to allow ourselves the pleasure of experiencing life again.
❤️🩹 Recovery - When we have rested, when we feel the desire to make a change, and only when we are ready and not when others tell us to; it's time to move forward.
Know that you will never forget what has happened, yet with time the vivid event will lessen its negative impact on our memory and we will remember how strong we are.
It Has Been Relentless - You've Got This!
There is no doubt that Aotearoa New Zealand has faced relentless challenges over the recent years. It was first thought that it is simply the media's ability to readily report events that highlights them for us. Partly true. However, looking at the statistics reveals that we have been through a lot!
Two earthquakes in Canterbury, Pike River mine collapse, Kaikoura earthquake, Whakaari White Island eruption, Christchurch Mosque shootings, Covid-19 pandemic, and two extreme weather events in the upper North Island in two weeks. Whew, and those are just the big ones.
A big thank you to everyone who works in the emergency services for responding to these events, putting yourselves in harm's way to selflessly save others while facing the same challenges as we do.
A bigger thank you to the many volunteers and community groups who set aside their own needs for the welfare of others less able to help themselves.
A massive thank you to you! You have been through so much in the last 12 years and you have worked your way through each one.
Now is not the time to reflect, now is the time to continue to work your way through whatever befalls you.
One step at a time, the slower the better, doing one small thing each day towards getting through what's in front of you.
We must all process these events at some point, we have to, otherwise they will appear more and more relentless.
When the time is right, and you will know when, reflect on your achievements. Look at what you faced, look at what you got through, look at how you got through it, and look at who was there to support you through another of life's challenges.
You will get through this, I promise you.
Help yourself, accept help, and help others.
You've got this, we've got this, always together.
Let's talk!