It is said that we go through a recognised cycle when adversity hits, the grief cycle.
This cycle is based on a model developed in 1969 by Swiss-American psychiatrist, Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, who worked for many years with terminally ill people. It remains largely valid today despite us knowing more about the brain than ever before. In fact, that same cycle is a useful model for dealing with all adverse events.
For me, the cycle is not quite as descriptive as suggested. There is no clear delineation between the stages nor what happens in each stage. In fact, the entire process seems more like a washing machine cycle than a stage-by-stage recovery process.
😳 Disbelief - shock, horror, and numbness. Similar to denial is complete disbelief of what occurred. We may have thoughts of; these things always happen to someone else but not me, it must be wrong, I am going to wake up tomorrow and everything will be okay, it is just a bad dream.
🎢 Anger - or a roller coaster of emotions. We may experience a complete range of emotions; sadness, anger, anxiety, despair, fear, guilt, regret, and the list goes on. Many of us will find ourselves getting angry - how dare this happen to me - all of these emotions are usual (normal).
🤝 Negotiating - making promises, deals and pleas with; a higher power, other people, or yourself. "I promise if you get me through this I will or never will...." We look at ways to move forward but are reluctant to do so as we don't ever want to forget what has occurred. We do try to bargain to move on, mostly with ourselves.
😩 Exhaustion - in the following days, weeks, or months of heightened emotions; we get tired, fragile, and vulnerable. Melancholia (deep sadness) from exhaustion sets in. This is the time to be gentle with ourselves because we are at our most sensitive. It's the time now to reflect on what occurred, the time to forgive us and others, the time to rest, the time to allow ourselves the pleasure of experiencing life again.
❤️🩹 Recovery - When we have rested, when we feel the desire to make a change, and only when we are ready and not when others tell us to; it's time to move forward.
Know that you will never forget what has happened, yet with time the vivid event will lessen its negative impact on our memory and we will remember how strong we are.
The Grief Cycle For Recovery - Is It Truly A Cycle?