The WARN Blog
It was great to chat Dom Harvey on his podcast.
Watch or listen in as we talk a lot about dealing with depression, understanding the inner voice, how to seek help and lots of other practical tips.
Trigger Warning: This conversation covers distressing experiences from the frontline of the NZ Police.
The podcast is out now across all major platforms - have your tissues ready
Is there something that you have always wanted to do and found a way of not doing it?
Has there been something in the back of your mind that says, "As soon as I have this, I will do such and such?”
Have you ever sat watching TV or reading a magazine and said to yourself “I would love to have a go at that”, or “I would love to visit there?”
Do you find yourself in a bit of a rut that you can’t seem to get out of and wish that there was a way to move forward and change your life for the better?
Is there an organisation that you want to support, a company that you’ve always wanted to work for, something that you wanted to build, or perhaps a challenge that seemed out of your reach?
𝘚𝘶𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵, 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘺 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘳 – 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘴 𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘳.
We tend to hold ourselves back because of fear. Mostly subconsciously, a fear of what could go wrong rather than what could go right. What if we can swap that negative fear around and use it to encourage us, to see what could happen 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 we succeed.
If your plan doesn't work out the way you thought it might, what did you learn to use again for your next goal?
𝘞𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯, 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘧 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥.
It is far better to say “At least I gave it a go” than not trying at all because regret for not doing something can be terribly demotivating.
Let's talk!
I am not a fast thinker. Well, I am with my ADHD - but not when feeling bullied.
Have you been in a conversation where you felt dominated by the other person and wish later that you had spoken up?
Many times I have felt the need to say something, only to have it come out wrong or not as clear as I had wanted it to.
If we allow people to bully us, they will continue to do so and likely with others too.
The bully often says that it was a robust discussion, that it was meant as a joke, or that the person they were speaking to never said anything therefore they must have accepted it or agreed with me.
Silence is not agreement or acceptance of disrespectful conduct. Silence can indicate a variety of other things such as fear of repercussions, hurt, discomfort, or simply a lack of a considered response.
For those who have been accused more than once of being disrespectful, of making inappropriate comments, or of behaving badly of like a bully to others, you need to change.
No amount of inappropriate behaviour is going to change the other person; it is you who must change!
I am now learning, perhaps too late in life, that saying something in that moment of feeling overwhelmed is not the right time.
It is far better to say what you want later on when you have had time to consider your response.
Here is a simple way of managing the people who make those inappropriate comments, bully you, or overpower you in an attempt to persuade you:
👉 Acknowledge what they said and say you need time to consider before responding.
👉 Within 6 hours (critical for your wellbeing) speak with a confidante.
👉 Listen to what they say to balance your thoughts with their objectivity.
👉 The following day ask the person to clarify what they meant by what they said. There might be a chance they weren’t in a good place when speaking with you.
👉 If they continue with what they said, provide them with your considered thoughts then finish by saying - “When you speak to me like that again, (you know they will) would you like me to bring your inappropriate behaviour to your attention at the time, or leave it until later as I have on this occasion.”
This last statement will put them on notice that you will not accept that behaviour.
To those who have the desire to use outdated and inappropriate methods to get your point across or to influence others, it is time to reflect on your behaviour.
Our brain has changed in recent times, we are more hypervigilant to danger. This causes an increase of alertness, anxiety and stress.
Your inappropriate behaviour is causing harm and can cause unthinkable damage.
When someone brings to your attention what you said or did as inappropriate then you need to take time to consider your response.
Imagine a world where we respected others’ opinions and could hold a rational conversation over our differences?
We can make that a reality if we hold people to account, they must face the consequences of their actions, not you.
Lat’s talk!
Imagine the hay bale in the image below is our negative feeling.
We want to carry on despite an obstacle in our path, so we work hard to push the hay bale away so we can keep moving forward. An exhausting process that only leaves us feeling tired and frustrated, with the hay bale still sitting in front of us.
What if instead of trying to push it away - we paused, got curious and explored the hay bale - learning to acknowledge and welcome its presence? Upon doing so - we may find that by stepping around the hay bale - we can pause to acknowledge its presence, and then continue to move forward rather than using our energy to push it away.
Try doing the same with your negative feelings. As that nervous, sickly feeling arrives, get curious about it.
Think to yourself - "Hmmm, I wonder why you are back, what are you doing here, what are you trying to tell me?" Why not go further by welcoming it back and focusing completely on the feeling? How does it feel, what part of your stomach are you feeling it in, is it moving around or is it static, is it increasing or diminishing, how long is it here for?
Let's talk!
Real heroes are also those who struggle with getting through what a lot of us take for granted, daily life.
Those who get out of bed each day despite the desire to hide under the blankets. Those who have a shower and put on clean clothes despite the fact that they aren't leaving their homes. Those who take their medication or undergo medical treatment despite the desire to cease.
It takes a lot of effort to keep moving forward when you can see no reason to. It takes even more effort to focus on routine daily tasks when you cannot see the need to. It takes amazing willpower to keep going when all you want to do is to stop.
