In the 1950s and 1960s, on average, people made three career changes in their lifetime. In 2024, that figure is closer to 12.
The limited change in career path was largely due to the desire for security that certainty brings—certainty of knowledge, certainty of continued employment, and certainty of a secure future.
It was also due to the limited number of career choices. As an apprentice builder, I had two options: residential or commercial. Now, there is also mixed-use, institutional, industrial, civil, and many more.
Changing careers from being a builder to join the New Zealand police was a simple choice for me, I never truly enjoyed building and had always wanted to be a cop.
Leaving the police at the age of 57 to start another new career was more difficult and an emotional decision. This choice was fraught with risk for who would employ a 57-year-old with only two previous careers?
Having enjoyed being the lead instructor on the Police Negotiation Team (PNT) crisis negotiator's course it was a no-brainer, start my own coaching business.
With nothing more than a website, a laptop, a badly constructed PowerPoint presentation and a lot of enthusiasm – WARN International was born.
Something I hadn't considered was the emotional toll it would take to develop a business. How hard can it be, simply build it and they will come. Wrong!
It took a lot of hard work mixed with determination and loads of courage. A few weeks before leaving the police a behavioural psychologist asked – “Have you run a risk analysis to see if your business will be successful?”
I panicked, what’s a risk analysis?
What if I fail?
What if this doesn't work?
What if I can't provide for my family?
What if…
Looking back, I doubt that I would have started a business had I run a risk analysis. There were no markets for what I intended to do other than negotiating in challenging situations. De-escalation wasn't really a focus at that time.
Six-months into the business and was in despair, I built it and they had not come! Doing what most people would do I looked for a real job working for someone else.
My wife intervened, “Give it everything for two weeks and then make a decision.”
That was the spark needed to ignite the fire, permission to ignore the risk, to ignore the fear, to ignore all of the emotions and to give it everything without thinking about failing.
I developed a spreadsheet of organisations to work with and started making calls. Then, began meeting with as many people as I could regardless of where it led. It worked.
Fear often holds us back from taking risks, from doing what we know we can do, from being our best self and from achieving all that we desire to achieve.
Sometimes we just need someone else to give us permission to ignore our fears.
Let's talk!
Brain Physio!
Physio is a necessary part of healing the body. It can be painful, intense, emotional, and exhausting. Why is it then that we struggle to tell others that we require mind (brain) therapy despite both treatments being similar?
A physiotherapist will identify the cause of the injury by getting us to talk about what occurred and will generally push the hardest on the part that hurts the most to release the blockage to get the blood flowing and reduce the pain. In a similar way, so does a psychotherapist or psychologist, they push hardest on the emotion that is the most painful to release the built-up energy, thus reducing the pain.
As we have discussed in previous posts, emotions will come out, they must. They have to come out otherwise they will fester and grow and make it more difficult to repair the memory (injury) in the same way that we must get physiotherapy sooner rather than later.
The main difference between the two therapies is that repairing emotional pain requires more effort from the client rather than the specialist. It can be very difficult to go back and relive an incident because the accompanying emotion will be refreshed and become real. However, it is a very necessary part of the healing process.
Talking about our emotions isn’t about moaning or complaining about what happened, it's acknowledging our true self. Expressing an emotion significantly reduces it and if the person we are talking with acknowledges that expression, it disarms the emotion so that is no longer as harmful as it might have been.
Talking about mind health should be no different to talking about body health for they are interconnected. Both make us who we are, and I may suggest that the mind is more important.
Visiting a counsellor, psychologist, psychotherapist, or psychiatrist should be no different than visiting a GP or physiotherapist. They are all necessary in our recovery.
Let's talk!
Run To The Fire!
Since we began in business many years ago we had a mantra. Well, we have a few, but one of them being - run to the fire!
The need to take on life's challenges instead of doing what our brain wants us to, withdraw to remain safe.
Our brainstem is where our hardwiring sits, it is programmed for simpler times, to look for danger to avoid it.
I'm a big fan of Richard Branson’s quote - “If somebody offers you an amazing opportunity but you are not sure you can do it, say yes – then learn how to do it later!”
Three years ago I was fortunate enough to provide a keynote to the United Fire Brigade's Association (volunteer firefighters) conference in Wellington. 600 firefighters in the auditorium and double that online.
Was I nervous, you bet. Standing in the middle of a massive stage looking out into a sea of faces all of whom are staring directly at you waiting to see what you have to say.
I do not remember much of the presentation however, I'm told it went very well and I was invited back for a second year.
That also went well and I was excited and humbled to be asked back for a third year. 2024 was to be different; this year was scarier than any other year - three workshops on Hidden Barriers to Inclusion!
Unconscious bias can be a touchy subject for some. In the back of my mind I knew I could do it yet also in the back of my mind was what could happen if it didn't go well.
How could I cover a difficult topic in a non-confrontational way that would resonate?
A few sleepless nights, a lot of research and relying on personal experiences, the programme began to come together.
The night before delivery was surprisingly relaxing, unlike other nights before a challenging delivery I slept comfortably. That was until 6 am when I had our mild panic attack - are you ready?
Out of bed I get, look through the programme, and make a lot of adjustments. The presentation slides were already loaded so they could not be changed, I will have to introduce the changes from memory.
A few more notes, and a quick final run-through, and there I was standing in front of an auditorium full of firefighters - the photos do not do it justice!
Firefighters are a great bunch of people, volunteering their personal time to help their communities, representatives from each brigade are now at the conference on a weekend when they could be at home.
Following the presentation, many of the audience took time to come up and shake my hand; to tell me how much they enjoyed it - with some asking if I could cover the same topic in their workplace. You bet!
We must all learn to take on challenges for this is where we learn and grow. Yes, it is nerve-racking. Yes, it might go wrong. Yes, you might not achieve what you want to. Yet we should do it nonetheless.
Take that risk in life, take on that challenge, step into the void of uncomfortable.
The greater the challenge, the greater the planning, the greater the preparation, the greater the reward.
Let's talk!
Managing Fear!
Halloween—a day when fear takes centre stage—offers the perfect reminder of how we can learn to embrace our own fears.
Fear is mostly learned, hence the reason we each fear different things, our levels of fear vary, and we react differently to our fears. An indicator that fear is learned is if a toddler is alone beside a swimming pool. The chances of the child going into the water are very high. Similarly, if a toddler is near a fireplace or stove, they must be watched carefully; otherwise, they will be drawn to touch the heat.
Children, for the most part, are born fearless. How many times have you had to warn your child to take care as they approached a dangerous situation?
We are also born with a desire to be inquisitive, tempered by a natural desire to survive. If a toddler goes into the water, they will naturally want to float, if they touch the heat they will immediately ask for help.
Therefore, if fear is learned, then it can be unlearned. Or certainly minimised - which is where treatments such as immersion therapy, desensitisation, and similar methods come into play.
It takes courage to overcome fear because it is our strongest emotion, for it is fear that keeps us safe from harm. I have been fortunate enough to meet many heroes in my line of work. Not one of them did not feel fear when they completed their heroic action. However, what they all had was the ability to push through the fear and use the energy from the adrenaline that came with their fear.
Additionally, our brains are wired to run in neural pathways, patterns of behaviour, a known structure. When events occur that take us out of our comfort zone then fear is introduced to encourage us to get back to the known. We must resist that urge if we want to survive.
Fear is what keeps us all from advancing - fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of harm, fear of what others might say, fear of being labelled, fear of.... Worry is nothing more than a fear of the future.
To adapt to our ever-changing world, it is imperative that we face our fears, that we embrace them, and that we use fear for what it was designed to do, to manage our risk. For that is what fear truly is, a risk management tool designed to keep us safe from harm.
We will always have fear and we need fear to survive. Yet, you can indeed fear less. And, the more that you fear less, the greater the ability to become fearless.
Today, do that one thing that you fear. Whether it is reaching out to someone who you think might be struggling, whether it is seeking help for yourself, or perhaps it is just getting out of bed. You are a hero, for you are still here.
Become a real-life hero and take on your fear, because we are all born to survive. Feel the fear, embrace it, and become fearless. The rewards are incredible.
Let's talk!
Navigating Grief!
Loss of life, loss of control, loss of dignity, loss of... We fear just one thing in life - loss.
The stronger the emotional connection to that loss, the stronger the pain we feel.
Losing anything dear to us will often leave us feeling lost. When we are lost we feel alone, in a void of nothingness. The void will be quickly filled with guilt, regret, remorse, anger, the list is endless.
There is another way to fill that void, rejuvenate positive AND negative memories of the loss to reignite the full memory and strengthen it. A big part of losing a loved one is the fear of losing the memory of them.
Whilst well-meaning, we are told that we should remember the good times we had with that person. This can be difficult to do in the immediacy after the loss, and probably more so once we've worked our way through the grief - if we ever in fact are able to do so.
It's like saying when you are having dark thoughts simply think of something happy or when your mood is low think of something joyful to lift your spirits.
Why should we remember the bad times as well as the good?
A study in April 2023 examined a technique known as Processing of Positive Memories Technique. The study was developed for those with PTSD who often have trouble processing positive memories. The controlled interventions focused on enhancing the retrieval of both traumatic and positive memories to benefit their overall well-being.
Participants reported they felt that discussing past memories promoted gratitude, hope, and positivity about current life-circumstances. Furthermore, they noticed immediate and tangible benefits such as improved mood that lasted even after the session ended.
Recalling past memories provided a helpful perspective on past events by balancing out the positive memories with the negative ones, and how the good and bad interrelated. Participants felt this made their treatment more personal.
Importantly, it helped promote their confidence, their positive emotions, and their safety to allow them to be comfortable in reliving the memories. This made it much easier for PTSD sufferers to transition the techniques into their daily lives.
Simple examples of what you and I can do to refresh memories when suffering a loss include:
* Looking through photographs and videos.
* Going to places that our loved one would visit with us.
* Eating food that you both enjoyed.
* Doing activities that you loved doing together.
* Most importantly - talk with others more openly and honestly about who you have lost.
Anything that uses our five senses to invoke memories - sight, sound, touch, hearing, or smelling. The olfactory system (smell) is very powerful.
It is okay to remember the bad memories, for these will be balanced out with the positive ones leaving you with a much stronger emotional connection with the loss.
It is not just about the good times after all, it is also about the bad times. For memories are made of them both!
Let's Talk!