If we think of trauma as a physical injury, when we go through a traumatic event it is like hitting our brain with a baseball bat.
It is important to seek professional help when working through trauma, there is nothing yet to substitute expert help when it comes to our brain.
Like all injuries, sometimes we fully recover, sometimes we are left with limited mobility, other times the recovery is ongoing.
There are some things that we can do to help ourselves to assist in our recovery that works alongside expert help.
Again, just like a physical injury, rest is important. To rest our brain, we can introduce a simple breathing technique – the six second rhythmic breathing.
Set a timer to beep at 6-second intervals, breathe in at the first beep and breathe out at the second. Slow your breathing right down so that you are fully breathing throughout the 6 seconds.
This will put you in the alpha zone which is the same as our body going into homeostasis which is the body's natural rhythm.
Breath in slowly at one beep until you hear the next beep then breathe out slowly until the next beep and so on.
Breathing in and out at 6-second intervals, often referred to as paced breathing, can have several benefits for your body and mind:
1. Reducing Stress and Anxiety: This type of rhythmic breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps to calm the body and reduce stress levels
2. Improves Heart Rate Variability (HRV): HRV is a measure of the variation in time between each heartbeat. Higher HRV is associated with better cardiovascular health and resilience to stress
3. Enhances Focus and Concentration: By regulating your breathing, you can improve oxygen flow to the brain which can enhance cognitive function and concentration
4. Promotes Relaxation and Better Sleep: Slow, deep breathing can help trigger the body's relaxation response, making it easier to fall asleep and improve sleep quality
5. Balances the Nervous System: This breathing technique can help balance the autonomic nervous system, promoting a sense of inner calm and stability
If we count when we breathe our brain stays active which is the opposite of what we want to achieve with this technique.
When we count the brain will be anchored which reduces wandering thoughts. However, our brain will not fully relax if it is thinking about the counting.
The 6-second is a breathing technique that we cannot overdo. Start with doing this for 5 minutes daily with a goal of reaching 20 minutes each day.
You will be amazed at how effective this simple technique can be.
Let’s talk!
Is It Pride That Comes Before a Fall?
Some say pride comes before a fall, but I'm not so sure.
We need to be proud of our achievements. Each of us has every right to be proud, and on occasion, tell others of what we've achieved.
When we show humility along with pride, it makes a greater positive impact. Be proud, be humble, be acknowledged.
When pride is accompanied by arrogance, we are destined for a fall!
Arrogance is an inflated sense of one's importance and abilities, a belief that one is superior.
Arrogance makes a person dismissive of others, shows a lack of empathy, and an unwillingness to consider other perspectives.
Behind every proud person are others who have helped that person achieve their success. Acknowledging those who helped us with the proud-filled moment shares in the success, and provides them with a reason to also be proud.
It is perhaps arrogance that comes before a fall.
Pride, when balanced with humility, becomes a powerful force for good. It drives us to strive for excellence, to push beyond our limits, and to inspire others.
However, when pride morphs into arrogance, it blinds us to our own flaws and the contributions of others. It creates a barrier between us and those around us, leading to isolation and, ultimately, failure.
True pride is not about boasting or seeking validation. It is about recognising our worth and the worth of those who have supported us.
It is about celebrating our achievements while remaining grounded and grateful.
In the end, it is not pride that leads to a fall, but the arrogance that distorts it.
By embracing humility and acknowledging the role of others in our success, we can avoid the pitfalls of arrogance and continue to grow.
Let’s talk!
Podcast!
It was great to chat Dom Harvey on his podcast.
Watch or listen in as we talk a lot about dealing with depression, understanding the inner voice, how to seek help and lots of other practical tips.
Trigger Warning: This conversation covers distressing experiences from the frontline of the NZ Police.
The podcast is out now across all major platforms - have your tissues ready
There Is No Such Thing As Trial & Error!
Is there something that you have always wanted to do and found a way of not doing it?
Has there been something in the back of your mind that says, "As soon as I have this, I will do such and such?”
Have you ever sat watching TV or reading a magazine and said to yourself “I would love to have a go at that”, or “I would love to visit there?”
Do you find yourself in a bit of a rut that you can’t seem to get out of and wish that there was a way to move forward and change your life for the better?
Is there an organisation that you want to support, a company that you’ve always wanted to work for, something that you wanted to build, or perhaps a challenge that seemed out of your reach?
𝘚𝘶𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵, 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘺 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘳 – 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘴 𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘳.
We tend to hold ourselves back because of fear. Mostly subconsciously, a fear of what could go wrong rather than what could go right. What if we can swap that negative fear around and use it to encourage us, to see what could happen 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 we succeed.
If your plan doesn't work out the way you thought it might, what did you learn to use again for your next goal?
𝘞𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯, 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘧 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥.
It is far better to say “At least I gave it a go” than not trying at all because regret for not doing something can be terribly demotivating.
Let's talk!
Let's Reduce and Eliminate Bullying.
I am not a fast thinker. Well, I am with my ADHD - but not when feeling bullied.
Have you been in a conversation where you felt dominated by the other person and wish later that you had spoken up?
Many times I have felt the need to say something, only to have it come out wrong or not as clear as I had wanted it to.
If we allow people to bully us, they will continue to do so and likely with others too.
The bully often says that it was a robust discussion, that it was meant as a joke, or that the person they were speaking to never said anything therefore they must have accepted it or agreed with me.
Silence is not agreement or acceptance of disrespectful conduct. Silence can indicate a variety of other things such as fear of repercussions, hurt, discomfort, or simply a lack of a considered response.
For those who have been accused more than once of being disrespectful, of making inappropriate comments, or of behaving badly of like a bully to others, you need to change.
No amount of inappropriate behaviour is going to change the other person; it is you who must change!
I am now learning, perhaps too late in life, that saying something in that moment of feeling overwhelmed is not the right time.
It is far better to say what you want later on when you have had time to consider your response.
Here is a simple way of managing the people who make those inappropriate comments, bully you, or overpower you in an attempt to persuade you:
👉 Acknowledge what they said and say you need time to consider before responding.
👉 Within 6 hours (critical for your wellbeing) speak with a confidante.
👉 Listen to what they say to balance your thoughts with their objectivity.
👉 The following day ask the person to clarify what they meant by what they said. There might be a chance they weren’t in a good place when speaking with you.
👉 If they continue with what they said, provide them with your considered thoughts then finish by saying - “When you speak to me like that again, (you know they will) would you like me to bring your inappropriate behaviour to your attention at the time, or leave it until later as I have on this occasion.”
This last statement will put them on notice that you will not accept that behaviour.
To those who have the desire to use outdated and inappropriate methods to get your point across or to influence others, it is time to reflect on your behaviour.
Our brain has changed in recent times, we are more hypervigilant to danger. This causes an increase of alertness, anxiety and stress.
Your inappropriate behaviour is causing harm and can cause unthinkable damage.
When someone brings to your attention what you said or did as inappropriate then you need to take time to consider your response.
Imagine a world where we respected others’ opinions and could hold a rational conversation over our differences?
We can make that a reality if we hold people to account, they must face the consequences of their actions, not you.
Lat’s talk!