I am not a fast thinker. Well, I am with my ADHD - but not when feeling bullied.
Have you been in a conversation where you felt dominated by the other person and wish later that you had spoken up?
Many times I have felt the need to say something, only to have it come out wrong or not as clear as I had wanted it to.
If we allow people to bully us, they will continue to do so and likely with others too.
The bully often says that it was a robust discussion, that it was meant as a joke, or that the person they were speaking to never said anything therefore they must have accepted it or agreed with me.
Silence is not agreement or acceptance of disrespectful conduct. Silence can indicate a variety of other things such as fear of repercussions, hurt, discomfort, or simply a lack of a considered response.
For those who have been accused more than once of being disrespectful, of making inappropriate comments, or of behaving badly of like a bully to others, you need to change.
No amount of inappropriate behaviour is going to change the other person; it is you who must change!
I am now learning, perhaps too late in life, that saying something in that moment of feeling overwhelmed is not the right time.
It is far better to say what you want later on when you have had time to consider your response.
Here is a simple way of managing the people who make those inappropriate comments, bully you, or overpower you in an attempt to persuade you:
👉 Acknowledge what they said and say you need time to consider before responding.
👉 Within 6 hours (critical for your wellbeing) speak with a confidante.
👉 Listen to what they say to balance your thoughts with their objectivity.
👉 The following day ask the person to clarify what they meant by what they said. There might be a chance they weren’t in a good place when speaking with you.
👉 If they continue with what they said, provide them with your considered thoughts then finish by saying - “When you speak to me like that again, (you know they will) would you like me to bring your inappropriate behaviour to your attention at the time, or leave it until later as I have on this occasion.”
This last statement will put them on notice that you will not accept that behaviour.
To those who have the desire to use outdated and inappropriate methods to get your point across or to influence others, it is time to reflect on your behaviour.
Our brain has changed in recent times, we are more hypervigilant to danger. This causes an increase of alertness, anxiety and stress.
Your inappropriate behaviour is causing harm and can cause unthinkable damage.
When someone brings to your attention what you said or did as inappropriate then you need to take time to consider your response.
Imagine a world where we respected others’ opinions and could hold a rational conversation over our differences?
We can make that a reality if we hold people to account, they must face the consequences of their actions, not you.
Lat’s talk!
Let's Reduce and Eliminate Bullying.