Imagine the hay bale in the image below is our negative feeling.
We want to carry on despite an obstacle in our path, so we work hard to push the hay bale away so we can keep moving forward. An exhausting process that only leaves us feeling tired and frustrated, with the hay bale still sitting in front of us.
What if instead of trying to push it away - we paused, got curious and explored the hay bale - learning to acknowledge and welcome its presence? Upon doing so - we may find that by stepping around the hay bale - we can pause to acknowledge its presence, and then continue to move forward rather than using our energy to push it away.
Try doing the same with your negative feelings. As that nervous, sickly feeling arrives, get curious about it.
Think to yourself - "Hmmm, I wonder why you are back, what are you doing here, what are you trying to tell me?" Why not go further by welcoming it back and focusing completely on the feeling? How does it feel, what part of your stomach are you feeling it in, is it moving around or is it static, is it increasing or diminishing, how long is it here for?
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Real Heroes.
Real heroes are also those who struggle with getting through what a lot of us take for granted, daily life.
Those who get out of bed each day despite the desire to hide under the blankets. Those who have a shower and put on clean clothes despite the fact that they aren't leaving their homes. Those who take their medication or undergo medical treatment despite the desire to cease.
It takes a lot of effort to keep moving forward when you can see no reason to. It takes even more effort to focus on routine daily tasks when you cannot see the need to. It takes amazing willpower to keep going when all you want to do is to stop.
Managing The Vulnerable!
There is not one amongst us who does not have something significant going on in our life that consumes us - financial hardship, domestic violence, racial bias, bullying, physical health issues, age, even death - all of which take a toll on our mind-health (mental health).
Because of this, we each become vulnerable at some point. Vulnerable to anxiety, depression and major health problems. Statistics state that 1-in-5 of us will have a mind-health challenge in any 12-month period, 1-in-2 of us in our lifetime. The statistics are wrong, in my humble opinion.
It might be the work that we are involved with that brings a bias, but I am yet to speak with a person who has not been, is now, or is on the verge of being in a vulnerable situation. And, it is set to get worse unless we do something about it.
Having spent a lot of time working in contact centres coaching on managing vulnerable customers, it is apparent that more and more of us are becoming vulnerable given the increased volume of calls from such people. The biggest contributor seems to be financial hardship closely followed by health issues, physical and/or emotional.
Furthermore, it's not just their customers, it is the staff who deal with vulnerable customers who are also at risk.
Not only are they managing vulnerable people, but they also have their own personal challenges just like the rest of us. Emotional dissonance is a major issue for the customer service industry, being asked to react in a way that is counter to what we as humans will want to react if we feel attacked or emotionally attached.
What can we do to help those of us who have, are, or may be on the cusp of becoming vulnerable? Just like my earlier awakening, knowledge is the key to understanding. Understanding what is going on with the majority of us is a great start and understanding that we can help with empathy without becoming vulnerable ourselves.
The biggest thing we can all do, whether managing a vulnerable customer or when talking with a colleague or friend in a vulnerable situation, is to listen. Listen without fixing.
The next thing we can do is to acknowledge their situation - "Thank you for sharing", "I appreciate you telling me what is going on", "I can only imagine what you are going through", "That must be difficult" - and so it goes.
The third thing that we could do is to share, only if appropriate to do so - "I had something similar happen to me", "You are not alone in what is happening" - to tell the person that they are not alone.
Only if applicable, only if you have established a good rapport, and only if you are genuine, you could ask - "Have you told anyone else", "Are you getting any support", "Would you like me to provide you with details of an organisation who might be able to help".
Leaving a vulnerable person in a vulnerable position without offering support leaves them vulnerable still.
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We Would Love To Work With You!
The Employee Assistance Programme (EAP), Mental Health First Aid and many other mental wellbeing programmes are wonderful initiatives.
The support they provide to those not only in need is incalculable.
As with most things, prevention is the key to avoiding unnecessary harm.
At WARN International, we are committed to providing comprehensive education. Our approach goes beyond immediate care, by focusing on education that encourages people to maintain and improve their wellbeing in the long term.
Following a bout of depression and having had suicidal thoughts, I was personally drawn towards crisis intervention.
The founding of WARN International helped me to combine those skills into the realisation of positively supporting others.
- 30 years working with people in crisis.
- 13 years as a police crisis negotiator, 8 years as NZ’s lead negotiator and instructor specialising in suicide intervention.
- Qualified in NZ and with the FBI
- Trained domestically & internationally with the elite sectors of police, prisons, ambulance, fire, and the military.
- Investigator for the Coroner into causes of suicide.
- Published author of two bestselling books on wellbeing with a third recently released.
- Master of Arts – terrorism, safety & security.
- Diploma in Policing – adult learning and understanding human behaviour.
- Diploma in Business Studies – task analysis, health & safety, emotional awareness.
- Currently working on Diploma in Positive Psychology and Wellbeing.
Our advanced mental health programme focuses firstly on education for prevention by learning how the brain processes information.
Then, how to manage life’s challenges and working through worry.
Next, we examine the signs that you or someone else is struggling and how to guide them towards professional help.
Our techniques are non-confrontational, non-clinical and very effective. Helping people help themselves to give them control and certainty.
Our brain has changed in recent times and so must our responses to challenges. It starts with understanding our own emotions, in other words - emotional intelligence.
We proudly provide this training course to organisations across every business sector including Te Whatu Ora, WorkSafe, emergency responders and mental health first aid providers.
We would love to work with you.
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We Never Forget What It Was Like!
It was recently suggested that I had forgotten what it was like to be a police officer. It was not the time to defend myself, the comment came from someone hurting.
It got me thinking though, have I forgotten?
When I question a tactic used by police it is not an attack on them, it is to offer a different perspective.
Here is what it was like for me as a police officer:
1. I joined the police for job security – I was in construction at the time which is affected by many uncontrollable external factors.
2. I was older and had no qualifications – I had to work harder than most to make the 80% minimum benchmark in the physical and academic entry assessments.
3. Police College was lonely – being away from family was heartbreaking, leaving a wonderful wife & 3 beautiful children for 5 months.
4. Probationary period - for the next two years I was scrutinised by my colleagues, by my supervisor and by the organisation.
5. You see the worst – continuously sent to incidents that were confronting, horrific, emotional and relentless.
6. The extremes of people – I saw the best and worst of people, mostly the worst.
7. My entire life changed – sleep habits, eating habits, family routines, the ability to relax, everything changed. The ‘job’ became everything and I lost perspective.
8. Family connections and commitments were lost – Birthdays, get-togethers, weddings, funerals and special occasions. So many were missed due to work.
9. Irreproachable conduct, 24/7 – police officers face relentless scrutiny in their work and personal lives.
10. Split-second judgements – Decisions must be made in the blink of an eye, which are then judged by others without that same pressure.
11. Policing is bloody hard – Like so many colleagues, I suffered the effects of burnout and depression for several years while continuing to work.
12. I became cynical – Trust no one, trust nothing, only trust in yourself.
13. Retirement was scary - I felt lost, and fearful of the future. Job security no longer a comfort, the uniform not there as a shield.
14. I had changed - policing changed me, that my behaviour affected others, I had become aware that life is so fragile.
15. My biggest regret - I should have spent more time with family and friends. It’s just a job and it will continue without me there!
I am so proud to have been a police officer. I joined for personal reasons and left for personal reasons, yet my time in the police was spent trying to make a difference for others.
I will never forget this wonderful opportunity I had, the police made me who I am today. I hope that it is a better person than I once was.
For those who are considering joining the police, go for it. You will learn so much about yourself and about others.
You can leave the police but the police never leaves you.
A final thought - Hug your loved ones often, live life to the fullest, always do your best, never give up on your dreams and never take life for granted.
Let’s talk!