Oh no, Monday has arrived.
And there are five long days to go until party time. So what is going to happen this week?
I can expect a flurry of excitement once I arrive at work as people talk about their weekend, that will last about 15 minutes. This will be followed by a busy time working out what I have to do today, that's another 10 minutes gone.
Then I will have the obligatory Monday morning meeting because all of the information given to me on Friday has somehow fallen out of our heads over the weekend. That meeting will go on for far too long, at least we are now at 10 am. Now what?
Oh, that's right, morning tea! Now we can sit around and talk about what a great weekend we all had and the latest tv series we're watching, just like we did 2 hours ago. Perhaps a bit more detail though and a bit more laughing.
Back to the desk, let's start work. First email, nope, I'll do that one later because it looks like too much effort. On to the next email, they want me to do what?! I'll need clarification on that, so let's send it back to delay it more and look at the next one.
Third time lucky, I can do this one. Wow, look at the time, it's 10:30 already.
Time's just flying by. And so it goes for the next six hours, then the next day, and then hump day (the middle of the week), then Thursday is after hump day, and so I will slump down again.
Friday is here at last, which means the weekend is just one day away!
Don't Friday's just fly by? Talk to someone on a Friday and they will tell you how busy they are, and they are busy trying to get the work done that they were supposed to be doing over the last four days.
I wonder what would happen if I treated every day like a Friday?
If I got stuck into my work and went flat out, whilst at the same time - I was excited for the weekend ahead.
Time would certainly fly by and I would get a lot of work done. I wouldn't be procrastinating over the work I hated doing, having it weigh me down day to day.
Throughout the week when I felt down, I could look forward to the end of the day, to the weekend coming up, to something exciting I had to do in a few weeks’ time, or maybe even start planning an overseas holiday. That would keep my brain distracted and happy when I felt a bit down. Mind you if I got stuck into my work I probably wouldn’t feel so down, I would be achieving something, feeling like I was part of a team, feeling a sense of satisfaction - isn't dopamine great?
Or I could just wallow in 'Mondayitis' :)
How do you get through the week?
Let's talk!
Diffuse Emotions in Conversations
How can we diffuse emotions in difficult conversations? 🧐The secret is to never let an emotion pass without acknowledging it in some way.
Here’s how we acknowledge emotions in crisis communications, and how you can start implementing it into your conversations.
In crisis intervention, we say "You sound ...." and then describe the emotion. For example, you would say "You sound angry" to a person who is yelling.
While this works in crisis situations it is too extreme for everyday communications.
👉 Phrases such as “This sounds important to you, I can hear that”, or “I can hear that you are frustrated” are good emotion labels for angry people.
If someone tells us about a tragic event, many of us say “I’m sorry for your loss”. This works, but when we use the word sorry, it can have an impact on us personally - sorry is very much a personal word.
💡 It might be better to say “I can’t imagine what that is like” or “Would you like to take a minute” or perhaps “How can I make this easier for you?” You are still acknowledging the emotion (sadness) but keeping it at arms-length.
Don’t worry if you don’t get the emotion correct, the person will soon tell you 🫢. They might say "Angry, you have no idea!" or "I'm not angry, I am just damn well frustrated".
You might reply "Tell me more about what happened" to the angry people or "Let's get this sorted quickly for you" to the sad.
Remember that it is all about them, not you. Focus on their needs first and your reward will follow.
Let's talk!
Experiencing Burnout
For me, burnout didn't hit all at once—it crept in gradually, almost unnoticed. Looking back, the signs were there, but they were easy to miss.
If the signs were obvious, we’d all be better at preventing it.
It was not that I was working too hard, or that I was working long hours or that I never took time to rest; it was because I lost all sense of control in my work.
I was hit with a double whammy, an accumulation of stressful situations in my work along with having numerous leave applications declined. When leave was granted, I would study. I have never been one to rest.
Hard work is not something I have ever shied away from.
When I was younger, I would keep busy and by the age of 11 was mowing lawns and delivering newspapers for money. Weekends were filled with work around the home in the garden.
Hard work provided a sense of solitude, offering a break from my constantly overthinking mind. The feeling of accomplishment, coupled with the praise from others that followed, became a reward in itself.
Fast forward to a police career 24 years later - I was doing the same thing, working hard to progress through the ranks.
Known causes of burnout at work include a heavy workload with long hours, struggling with a work-life balance, a mismatch of values, unfair treatment, and insufficient autonomy, all leaving the person with a feeling of having little or no control.
The first realisation that something was wrong was when I began self-medicating, firstly to get a better night's sleep, and latterly throughout the day. Anything to stop the onslaught of negative self-talk.
It wasn't until a suicidal ideation that I truly knew I needed help urgently. A diagnosis of accumulated stress disorder led to both psychological support, and the journey of self-discovery.
The initial diagnosis was emotionally overwhelming, but also brought a sense of relief—knowing that others had faced and overcome a similar challenge.
Regardless of how determined, strong, or powerful we think we might be, there is always a risk of burnout if we do not maintain control over what we do.
Fast forward further to today.
Although I've never worked harder as a business owner now, the inability to say no is my choice. That's how I'm now able to maintain a sense of control.
Each of us is different therefore we must find our own way of managing our workloads.
If you wish to prevent burnout, it's crucial to maintain control of your life in a way that fosters balance—on your terms.
How do you maintain balance and a sense of control in your life?
Let's talk!
I Am Not A Writer, But..
I don't consider myself a writer, however, the publisher refers to me as one.
For me, writing a book was possibly the biggest challenge I have undertaken, apart from standing up in front of an audience as a keynote speaker.
With no formal education in writing, the process of doing so initially felt overwhelming. For my first book, I leaned heavily on my police notebooks, using them as a foundation and expanding on the details from there.
I couldn’t shake the lingering questions: What will others think? Will they like it? Or will it fall flat?
Writing about the tragic events I encountered during my time with the police was both cathartic and highly emotional. Getting those experiences out onto paper helped me process and rationalise what had happened. Yet, in doing so, I was often transported back to those emotional moments. One particular incident took five attempts to write. Each time, I found myself in tears, reliving the tragedy and pain of others.
Following an encounter with depression and many of life’s challenges while in the police, I spent a lot of time learning about myself. I then studied the brain which was a selfish pursuit - I wanted to know why I was different to others, why I wasn't ‘normal’.
What I didn't realise was in doing so, I was preparing to write a second book.
In the course of learning about the brain, I read loads of research and numerous books written by a range of specialists. Adding practical experience to this knowledge through running workshops in my business, it was an easy decision to write another book. All this information should be available and accessible to others.
The book was initially meant to be humorous, with the title Our Bullshit Brain.
However, after the loss of a close family member, I decided to reshape it into something that could help others. Writing this book helped me to work through the tragedy our family had faced, and yet again, it was a painful experience.
I never intended to write a third book. Two bestsellers, anyone would be happy with that. So when asked to write a third, my immediate response was, 'No!' But eventually, I was persuaded to write again.
Distractions are aplenty in today's world, and I found them all, trying to avoid the extraordinary effort to complete each book.
I believe all of us have the ability to write a good book, at least one.
Each of us has unique experiences in our life and for those who have been through life's struggles, it is our duty to share that journey in some format.
Work chronologically - lay out the facts, add in the details, and don't forget the emotions.
Just as emotions are required in life, so are they when writing. All it takes is for you to tap into those emotions that you hide away. Get them out of your head as though you are writing for yourself, and others will want to read them.
In writing a book you're not only helping others, but you are also helping yourself and that's not being selfish. It is a selfless act!
Let's talk!
Focus On Being Yourself, It's Much Easier!
We tend to have two personas - one for work and one for home. Having a professional persona is expected of us, rightly so. However, when that professional persona contrasts with your natural persona we need to expend more effort and energy in a work setting.
On occasion, our professional persona holds us back because we worry about what others might think of us. This can be a drain on our resources. You will know if you have two personas because it’s something you must cognitively switch on and switch off.
To be at our very best and able to withstand the challenges of our work, being our natural self takes less effort and means we can improve our natural self for both home and work.
One of the best ways of improving our self is to seek honest negative feedback from others. Admittedly it can be hard to hear. In each piece of feedback, there is something to learn from.
I never knew I had unusual facial expressions until it was coldly pointed out to me in written feedback – “and as for those unusual expressions on his face…”
What unusual expressions?
I went back and reviewed photographs that were taken of me on stage, there were some great faces that even I don’t know what they meant! Did I change my facial expressions, no. Do I tell the audience about them, yes. Why, so that they know I am me, a genuine person. What some might see as a flaw, I see as being who I am.
There is a direct correlation between the more that I can be my natural self and the increase in positive comments from the audience and our clients. Here is just one example:
"A massive heartfelt thank you Lance. We have been inundated with amazing feedback from our team, you were so adored by all! The Team is already using your techniques so that is an instant win. Appreciate the incredible human being that you are and sharing your authentic self with us – it was so refreshing.
PS – the team loved that you spoke to yourself in third person and are keen to hear more about that if you could share a few words on that? (interestingly I do this myself when I am having a pep talk with myself). Superstar status!"
I had no idea that I referred to myself in third person during presentations until it was pointed out in this feedback. I sent back after contemplating why I do this:
"I talk about myself in the 3rd person because my voice is not who I am, many people feel the same way. I never believe what I tell myself, our brain tends to make sh*t up.
Questioning our thoughts and where they come from is the key to understanding ourselves. “We can believe ourselves, or we can believe IN ourselves”. There is a big difference."
If I was to offer one suggestion to the world, apart from controlling your breathing to control your thoughts, is to be your authentic self.
Be proud of who you are, be strong in who you are, and have joy in who you are. Be you, and work on being you, for you are truly special!
Let’s talk!