Diffuse Emotions in Conversations

How can we diffuse emotions in difficult conversations? 🧐The secret is to never let an emotion pass without acknowledging it in some way.

Here’s how we acknowledge emotions in crisis communications, and how you can start implementing it into your conversations.

In crisis intervention, we say "You sound ...." and then describe the emotion. For example, you would say "You sound angry" to a person who is yelling.

While this works in crisis situations it is too extreme for everyday communications.

👉 Phrases such as “This sounds important to you, I can hear that”, or “I can hear that you are frustrated” are good emotion labels for angry people.

If someone tells us about a tragic event, many of us say “I’m sorry for your loss”. This works, but when we use the word sorry, it can have an impact on us personally - sorry is very much a personal word.

💡 It might be better to say “I can’t imagine what that is like” or “Would you like to take a minute” or perhaps “How can I make this easier for you?” You are still acknowledging the emotion (sadness) but keeping it at arms-length.

Don’t worry if you don’t get the emotion correct, the person will soon tell you 🫢. They might say "Angry, you have no idea!" or "I'm not angry, I am just damn well frustrated".

You might reply "Tell me more about what happened" to the angry people or "Let's get this sorted quickly for you" to the sad.

Remember that it is all about them, not you. Focus on their needs first and your reward will follow.

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