Should I get up at 5 am?
I have read many books espousing the benefits of getting up early in the morning to get things done. The military does it, high achievers do it, top athletes do it, and many successful people do it - they all wake up early in the morning to get a head start on the day.
I used to get up at 5 am, drive to work to beat the traffic, go to the gym for an hour, and still be at work before everyone else. You can get through a lot of work in a quiet office before the masses arrive.
So is getting up early really that good for you? Here's what we know;
⏰ Numerous studies show that students who wake up early have higher grades than those who don't.
⏰ From 3 am onwards, your brain is in its creative period where ideas flow and problems may be solved more easily.
⏰ Early risers generally have better sleep routines, and sleep more soundly as a consequence.
⏰ Waking earlier eliminates the need to rush around in the morning, reducing the accompanying stress. Plus, you may minimise the stress of being late or getting stuck in traffic.
How do you become an early riser? The answer is slowly - our brains don't like to be surprised too often.
In the evenings, start going to bed 15 minutes earlier each week.
Keep the same ritual everytime before bed. Mine was to have a light snack along with warm milk, have a shower, darken my room, put a glass of water by the bed, listen to the radio for 5 minutes and then head down to sleep. Every day, no matter what, never change the ritual.
As for the mornings, set your alarm clock to wake you up 15 minutes earlier each week. Again, follow a similar ritual each morning – go to the gym, meditate, produce a blog, eat breakfast, have a shower, etc. Do the same things each morning to get yourself into a pattern of behaviour.
While some say it is better to adhere to that same pattern in the weekend, I do not. Weekends are for relaxing, doing what you want to do, and catching up with any lost sleep you might need. You might want to still wake up at 5 am, but you might also want to have an afternoon nap.
You Are Stronger Than You Think You Are.
I was once in the mire, experiencing dark times. While still able to function, life was much like a movie, and I was just an actor playing my part.
Often asked how I got out of the depths of darkness, it was with a little help and lots of determination. While we are all different, and each of us being in the mire differs, recovery is the one thing we all can do.
The most important thing you will ever do, is to follow expert advice when unwell. Some need hospitalisation, some need medication, and some need therapy. Can I encourage you to seek expert help on every occasion, psychotherapy was my expert.
But, here's the kicker - just doing that won't be enough.
You must believe in what you are told to do, and follow the plan made for you. Most of all, you need to believe in yourself.
Self-belief is an incredible tool. You see, taking a pill, doing breathing exercises, visualisation, and the many other things you will be asked to do won't work unless you have belief in yourself.
I went through the motions when I went for expert help. I sat and visualised, medicated (natural remedy), rested, controlled my thoughts, and did all the right things yet I still wasn't getting well.
One day I reached a low point and realised that it was 𝙢𝙚 who had to do something to change. It was in my head and in my heart. I had to take control, to dig really deep and grab hold of myself and drag myself up out of the dark place. It was at that point that things changed.
In days I felt different, literally days.
This post isn't about me, it's about you. You are stronger than you think you are, you must believe that.
I was a weak person, I never had self-belief, and I relied on others to help me. If I took the pills and followed the instructions I would be okay, right? Maybe. Yet if I actually believed I could do it, then perhaps a transformation might occur. It did.
Take it from someone who wondered how people could let themselves get so unwell, who once thought meditation was for weak people, who could not fathom how someone would want to end their life.
You are stronger than you think you are, and that is the key.
TW: Mentions Suicide
TW: Suicide
"Are you thinking about killing yourself?"
This has been promoted as what we should say to someone who we think is suicidal to establish if indeed they are. I have been against saying this sentence for a number of reasons.
Firstly, let's clarify that this sentence is indeed what you should ask someone if you think that they are considering suicide, but only if you are a trained crisis negotiator. It is something crisis negotiators use when intervening in a suicide attempt. Why, because it gets the person's attention.
Often when people are suicidal, they have no idea what they are doing at the time, hence the reason why some will take their life without considering the lives of others while doing so. They are lost in their negative thoughts as part of extreme fight-or-flight.
By asking this question, despite the person obviously considering doing so, crisis negotiators will literally snap the person out of their thoughts and bring them back to their position. However, it is only ever done so as a last resort to get the person's undivided attention. And, it works.
We are then told, that should the person answer "Yes" to 'that' question; we should go on to ask them if they have made a plan yet, what that plan is, and how much preparation have they made.
My concern is the impact on the person asking the question must also be considered.
Currently working in the rural sector where suicide is sadly still common, I know of many people who cannot bring themselves to ask 'that' question and worry about the consequences if they do or don't ask it. It worried one person so much that it partly contributed to going into depression himself.
Additionally, when 'that' question is asked preceded by an apology for needing to ask 'that' question, it may cause feelings of shame and isolation in the person you are trying to help.
So what should you ask? Here are some suggestions that may be helpful, organisations I have worked with are now using them;
💙 For loved ones - "I (we) am so concerned that you might hurt yourself or something even worse. Promise me you aren't thinking of that, I love you too much and will do whatever it takes to help you."
"I care about you, I can see that you are hurting, and I want to make sure that you will talk with me if ever you have thoughts about taking your own life/suicide."
💙 For colleagues - "Are you considering taking some drastic action like taking your own life/suicide."
"When we become overwhelmed, we sometimes have thoughts of suicide, are you having those thoughts, or perhaps had them in the past?"
💙 For both - "Professional counselling/support does help, please let me get some support for you, we can go together if that would help."
Getting expert attention is imperative if you have any concerns that someone is thinking of committing suicide, preferably from a registered psychotherapist/psychologist.
Look after yourself - be selfish to be selfless.
Reaching Out Is Courageous.
"What will people think?"
"Will I be judged?"
"Will they think I'm weak?"
"What will happen to me if I do?"
"What stigma is attached?"
"What... "
As someone who struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts, I found it so hard to reach out for help.
These fears were holding me back.
So many fears to consider when we aren't in a good state to consider them rationally. Everyone knows that we can and should reach out for help, yet so many don't.
Why? The reasons are many and different for each of us.
It does take courage to reach out, courage and determination to survive. Furthermore, we must also be in a lucid state of mind to know that we must reach out. Although they are far between and only momentary, clarity does come to us when we are struggling with dark thoughts. That is the time to act fast, yet we seldom know that it is a short point of clarity.
Instead, we hold on to that little glimmer of hope that we are getting better. We aren't. It's just our mind in respite, having a rest before it starts again in its fruitless attempt to help us. We have to help our mind in these situations, our mind won't help us, it's simply working on autopilot as it continues to remind us of our past.
Know that there is always someone willing to help . Know that you will work through this challenging time despite how hard it may seem right now. Know that you will no doubt go on to achieve wonderful things. You now know something that few get to know - that we are all stronger than we think we are.
Know also, you have been given a gift, a gift of survival. It is our duty, those of us who had that lucid moment and courageously reached out for support, to pass on that gift to others. A gift that we all have, if we just had that lucid moment. If you are struggling right now, reach out.
If you have lost someone who was unable to reach out, know that's most likely because they never had that lucid moment, that glimmer of clarity. They were also brave and courageous because they fought so hard.
Let's talk! It is important that we all do so.
You Need To Harden Up - Not At All!
"You need to harden up."
"Tough people last, tough times don't."
"Sometimes you just have to dig it in and things will get better."
"What doesn't kill you makes you...."
These sayings are no longer valid, more so for those under the age of 35. Our world has changed significantly in the last decade and we humans have also changed.
Forcing someone to do something in today's world no longer gets the best out of people. Quite the opposite in most cases. Yelling at people or forcing them to do something against their will produces a negative effect by making them feel demeaned and inferior.
So how do we get the best out of people, how do we encourage people to pick themselves up when they are struggling with their mind health? We can get people to connect with others so that we can encourage each other. And, more importantly, we can encourage people to connect with themselves.
We all have an inner strength, something that keeps us going when life gets on top of us. Encouraging those who are struggling to find their true inner strength, a strength that lies dormant in all of us, one that we can only find and know the real value of when we truly connect with it.
How do you encourage people to use their natural fear to do better? By showing them the value of their true inner strength, their true self. Not by yelling at them or forcing them, but by sharing knowledge. knowledge of the mind, knowledge of the positive aspects of psychology, and understanding of our emotions.
Forcing people to do something will only cause distress. You can tell someone who is behaving badly to leave, or you can ask them when is a good time for them to come back. Which do you think works best in today's world? If you are thinking the former, examine if it is truly working or is it because they fear, you.
The age of knowledge and understanding through connecting with others is upon us as it once was. Work with it, not against it if you want to survive.