Is Journaling Worth It?

✍️ Journaling - is it worth the effort?

We are all different, what works for one person may not work for another.

For me, I prefer only to record the good things. As another friend described "The glass half full approach". For me, writing something bad down to change or to avoid it next time does not work. If journaling what you want to change or to avoid works for you when bad situations occur then go for it.

Here are my tips if you wish to get started:

💪 Reinforce your strengths: Write down three strengths and when you use them - write down the positive result

📈 Improve your strengths - Write down the areas you wish to improve on, and how you might do that

🙏 Gratitude: List 5 things you are grateful for - then write out how you can engage in activities that include one or more of those things in your life. For a simpler approach, start with writing just one thing you are grateful for each day.

➡️ Change something: Write down what it is that you want to change and how you could best introduce that change by doing one thing each day towards that goal.

It's Not Always About The Material Gift This Christmas.

With all of the Black Friday and Cyber Monday deals around, it has got us thinking... Material things - can they make us happy?

It is said that material items cannot bring us true happiness because happiness cannot be purchased. Once you buy that thing you've been hankering after, the excitement wears off. It's only a temporary distraction, and the more you have the more you crave. The reality is, having less stuff equals less stress.

There are, however, some things we can buy that will make us happier. Buying experiences has a longer-lasting benefit to our wellness than buying material items because experiences such as holidays will long be remembered. Plus, it has been found that memories of holidays distort over time so that we only recall the happiest parts of them.

Additionally, numerous studies have shown that buying something for someone else makes us much happier than spending money on ourselves. Again, this seems counter-intuitive.

🤝 The common link is sociability - or as I like to refer to as socialisation. When we spend money on an experience it is more often than not that we are spending it with another person, we are sharing the experience. When we give to another, we are again sharing the experience.

It is then perhaps not so surprising that you don't actually have to give material items to receive the benefits of giving. And, more importantly, you don't have to do it every day apparently. Doing something nice for someone else; helping a friend out, giving blood, or volunteering for a not-for-profit are all ways to gain greater long-lasting happiness than buying a material item for yourself.

I still enjoy my material items and I am not for a moment suggesting you shouldn’t shop to make yourself happy. By all means if it works, do it. Attaching an emotion to the material item is what I look for.

💛 Lastly, a simple act of kindness to another will make you happier for longer and is something that you will probably never forget.

How Are We So Lucky In Business?

Pondering this morning at the end of a very busy week, sitting tired and content in the lounge at home, thinking how lucky we are in our business. What got us to a point where this week I presented to diverse organisations such as Mini Storage, Emergency Care Training Providers, 3 rural communities in Otago, Network Waitaki, the senior leadership group of Auckland Hospital, Astute Financial, and the Public Trust Office.

The 'three H's are a big factor in our work - Honesty, Humility, and Humanity - would best describe our fortune.

Honesty - "No we can't do that, what we can do though is...." "Yes, it is based on valid neuroscience and research which we can provide to you." "This is not something we specialise in; we do have connections who can do that for you." "These techniques won't work every time, just the majority of the time." If you are honest then you will always meet expectations.

Humility - "We do not try to change people, just guide them." "I am not an expert in anything, we are specialists in certain areas." "My mistake, you are right, absolutely, I can't disagree with you." Being humble places you beside people, not above them. None of us have all the answers, we can simply try to assist with the skills we have gained.

Humanity - "We have reduced our fee for you given the wonderful work that you do." On this occasion we will allow you to record the presentation for those who can't make it." "Yes, we do provide pro-bono presentations for organisations such as yours, those who help others who cannot help themselves." "We also provide complementary..." Always say yes for organisations who help people, particularly children, and who have no means to fund the presentation. Give back for the luck you have received. As a species, we have survived by working together.

There is a fourth 'H' - humour. Make people laugh, appropriate to the audience of course. There is no doubt that laughter is the best medicine when we are struggling.

As I look ahead to the end of the year, we are lucky to be fully booked and now booking into next year. How lucky are we? The 4 H's I suspect has a lot to do with it. Plus, surrounding yourself with good people, in our case it is family who do wonderful things in our business with each playing their part to support those we help. And, a bit of hard work also helps.

I do not know how the universe works: luck, happenstance, coincidence, karma. What I do know without any doubt, the more you give the more you get back. What a wonderful world we live in ❤.

Why Does This Always Happen To Me?

How many times have you said, "Why does this always happen to me!" It might well be the case that it does, or it might be our negativity bias, it might be the emotional attraction, or possibly the way we recall similar events from our past. There is a way to understand and change this, examine the why.

As we go through life and negative events happen, our brain places a marker in our memory as a point of reference for the future, mainly so that we can avoid similar situations in the future. The problem, the marker does not clarify the exact cause or how we got through the event, it simply records the part of the event where our emotion was at its highest.

Next, unless you recall the initial event at the time you are about to undertake a similar activity you will likely do the same thing again because you got through that initial event. The brain simply processed, 'It worked last time so do the same now' without examining the full circumstance.

Then we introduce our traits, habits, experiences, education, etc. Generally, we repeat our behaviours because our brain prefers to stick to patterns of behaviour, known as habits which are based on neural pathways. These pathways are there to keep us safe; they are the known pattern of behaviour and will work this time because they worked last time, we are still alive!

Our brain is a dumb tool designed for simpler times and although our world has developed, our brain hasn't kept pace. Sure, the brain has developed from the basic stem to one now that is more complex, but this has taken millions of years to develop. Yet, the fundamentals remain since the earliest of times - fight, flight, or freeze.

We learn by doing and, until we have experienced something several times, we might not get things right on the first or second, or even third occasion. Do we learn from our past, yes, but only if we go back and examine what took place to find the common cause and change it.

A simple technique is to examine each event in turn to look for similarities than differences. This can be an emotional activity as you examine each one but is a necessary part of the process. The emotion must come out and the sooner we get it out the less likely we are to recall that event/s. 'Run to the fire' and get that emotion out.

Emotions are located in the limbic system where there is no thinking, it is an automatic response based on the situation we have faced in the past. If there is no reference, we will automatically go into an alert state. Thinking is done in the executive function, our pre-frontal cortex where logic is found.

Write a list of the occasions where the same event has happened, this places you into that cluster as markers of a similar nature tend to connect together. They are joined by synapses, if you want to go down that worm hole to find out more about how synapses work, here is the link. Good luck!

Next, write down beside each event what was similar about each one in the cluster and identify a common theme or single causal factor about them, apart from the fact that you are involved. Was it a choice that you made, were you drawn to the similarity for a reason, was your judgement clouded by emotional attraction, is there one common action that you can now learn from and change? This is how we learn; looking back, opening it up, and examining the event/s.

Examine what you might change about the similarities when next in the same situation?

To complete the process, and this is a very necessary part, look for the differences in each event. These are often more difficult to find because we are all-consumed with the commonalities, the 'why me' factor. It is in the differences with each event that we realise it was not necessarily us that was the cause, it was the situation, the emotion, or it just 'was'. This is the part of the process that is empowering. You realise that not all events are the same, it's just how our brain recalls them, in clusters.

It is far better to do this technique with someone guiding you. Coming from a different perspective and disconnected from the events brings objectivity and a new lens through which to view them.

If you want to make this activity fun, and why shouldn't it be fun, get a few friends together and make it an inspirational learning party. A game where each person has a turn at examining their 'why does this always happen to me' events and having prizes when factors are identified.

Coming together with others makes us feel safer knowing that we are all very similar, knowing others have faced similar events, knowing we are not alone. Additionally, showing our own vulnerability helps others to show theirs. Together we learn, grow, thrive, and prosper. For this is how humans have got to where we are today, together.

It is what it is because it was what it was, it's what you do now that matters - I have this tattooed on my chest as a reminder.

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Life Can Change In An Instant!

Tired, lost, flat, and wondering when things might get better? "In a heartbeat" is the answer. Life tends to throw us curve balls on occasion, and mostly it seems always for the worst. This is not the case; we just tend to recall the bad events more easily as our brain retains them to keep us safe from harm by reminding us of what to avoid.

Standing in front of audiences for nearly 9 years now, I have never tired of doing so. In fact, the opposite is the case, it just increases my motivation. Sure, like everyone I get tired, but one keynote or workshop energises and makes me realise that life has a way of balancing things if we focus on all aspects not just the bad ones.

We all get frustrated in our work - annoyed, tired, emotionally drained - and want to do something new and different. And then, something happens, and we feel engaged, motivated, energised.

I was invited to provide a closing keynote at the United Fire Brigades'​ Association conference in Wellington yesterday. Those in the professional speaking industry know that this is a big deal, the closer. You are expected to fully engage the audience and leave them wanting more.

Mike McRoberts was the MC so I knew it was a very big deal. It never hit me how it was such a big deal until I was shown to my personal dressing room with my name on the door.

Always a little nervous before my set, I went through a process of refreshing the key messages, pacing the floor, and drinking lots of water, it's just another day in the office, right? That was until my name was called to come through to the stage where the producer was talking into her headset organising the cameras, sound, and AV team. This is a big deal, game time.

500+ firefighters in the Michael Fowler auditorium and countless others online. It's just another day in the office, maybe not! It's show time.

After a 45-minute set, 15 minutes of Q&A hosted by Mike, it was off stage. It all happened in a flash. And then it hit me, how lucky am I. I was on such a high that I was talking twice as fast as usual, and that is very fast if you know me. Waiting in the foyer for a cab, I was approached by so many of the audience expressing how they enjoyed the message and helpful tips of dealing with lifes' challenges. It is for them that I do this, to help where possible.

Things can change in an instant, it is about savouring the moment. So often we move quickly from the positive things only to focus on the negative ones. Reverse it and watch what happens. I will savour this moment forever.

Thank you UFBA and the team for hosting me and thank you Celebrity Speakers New Zealand for promoting me to this event. And the biggest thank you goes to the thousands of volunteer firefighters who spend time away from family & friends to risk their lives to keep us all safe.

Life is great if we focus on the positives and keep them in our front of mind.

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