Don't most of us want this crazy world that we live in at the moment to stop, or at least to go back to the way it was. It might, one day, but no day soon. Accepting that this is our new normal is a suggested way of getting through the turbulent times that Covid-19 has thrust upon us. For me, that's not enough because it doesn't help me to help myself.
I too want this madness to end, but simply accepting that this is our new normal is impractical. The madness I want to help end is not just for me though, it's also for the way that some of us are reacting to others as we feel the effects of Covid impact on our lives. The vitriol, the scorn, the hurtful comments and negative suggestions, all of these things are hurting others.
Abuse, bullying, harassment, slander, angry or aggressive outbursts, and violence. All of these things have increased markedly in recent weeks. It is said that we hurt the ones that we love, and that is so often the case because they are close to us, physically and figuratively. But, hurting another to make us feel better won't help anyone.
It doesn't need an expert to find the common link, uncertainty. In uncertain times we do uncertain things. Our negative emotions are exacerbated as we look for certainty.
I will make a bold statement, and I do expect (hope) that others will disagree, 'ALL of us are in some way feeling hurt, fragile, or angry at the moment, more so than ever before'. Let me know if you aren't and I will ask you how that is, what are you doing that the rest of us should be doing.
Have you never recently had an outburst of frustration, written a negative comment on a post, or felt as though everything is working against you?
"Be nice" or "Be kind" are rightfully great comments to encourage us to behave positively but comments like this seldom work in times of uncertainty. I note that one business has changed their recent banner from "Stay Nice" to "Stay Safe", a much better mantra in my opinion. At least stay safe is something practical that we can all do.
Why is it a better mantra, because the emotions involved in staying safe are positive ones and are about ourselves.
We are driven by emotions; they let us know how to feel, they keep us safe, they let us know that we are alive. And, if they are positively focusing on us and not others, we will likely follow them.
Emotions are heightened in times of uncertainty because we are on high alert to risk, we are often outside of our comfort zone, we are looking for things that could go wrong, we are looking for what has changed, comparing the way it was with the way it is now. We want to get back on that known and comforting neural pathway, however that pathway is no longer there.
Here's an alternative to the usual tips I provide of - breathing (sigh or 6-second repeating), socialising (talking and connecting), exercising (walking or playing), and sleeping. Ride the waves, again literally and figuratively.
We all go through highs and lows - not just across our lives but also across our days - no one is in a constant Alpha state. For every low there is a high, the lower the low the higher the high, or so it is said. I was once a big believer in pushing hard when feeling low to get back to the high to remain in the positive zone, now I think I might have got that slightly wrong.
Lately, we have all been on a massive roller-coaster of ups and downs, so much so that I wondered if I should even get out of bed on some days. On those days of not feeling like facing the world, I don't bother, not immediately at least. I lay there and think.
I think about how the world has changed, I think about how hard things seem, I think about the vitriol I received the night before on social media, I think about how I made many mistakes in my life, I think about... I languish in the depths for a bit. Then, without prompting, a positive thought will enter my head - what about that email you have to send, that pet you have to feed, that call you have to make, that meeting you have to attend.... - and that's enough to get me out of bed. Next I thing, I'm off again on a high with more energy than before.
That's the key isn't it? To rest when you need to, to be in a slump if you need to, to feel down if that is the emotion you are feeling at the moment. And, when the time is right, - get up, dress up, front up - and get into life once again. It's not okay to not be okay, yet, it is okay to rest to become okay.
Perhaps we could do well to espouse "Be nice to yourself" or "Be kind to yourself" as a new mantra. Maybe then we might not make that nasty comment, may not lash out in a fit of frustration, and may not hurt the ones who we love the most.
Be nice, be kind, be gentle. Crazy times may not end, crazy behaviour will if we know why it is happening and what to do about it.
Let's talk!