You dismiss your successes as pure luck and not from your hard work. Or, maybe you attribute your successes to those around you. I once thought it was self-doubt, and to an extent it is.
Impostor syndrome.
I knew what it was but didn't know it had a name. Like me, many people experience this - not believing they have the necessary skills for their current role, telling themselves they don't deserve to be in the position they are in, perhaps feeling that they are a fraud
Try focusing on these simple things;
💡 Accept that you are as good as others say you are and that you got to where you are because of you.
💡 Stop comparing yourself to others, each of us is unique and have something to offer.
💡 If you make a mistake, it's not because you are an impostor, it's because you made a mistake. That's all, a simple mistake.
💡 Don't hold back, prove to the world that you are as good as others say that you are.
Have confidence that you are better than you think you are, that you are where you are today because of your skills, and that you deserve everything you have worked for.
Let's talk!
Exercise Can Be Helpful!
We actively post tips and tricks each week, and we're aware of how overwhelming all this information might be. Particularly so for someone who is struggling for time or maybe a little unwell or can't slow their brain down long enough to consider many options.
From the numerous readings that I have undertaken, every book on resilience, well-being, wellness, and the myriad of other topics on self-development espouses the benefits of taking 30 minutes each day to do what they suggest is the best thing that you can do for your health and wellness
Depending on which book, article, research paper, journal or dare I say it LinkedIn Post, I should be spending 30 minutes on; reading, quiet time, meditation, training my brain, meditation, visualisation, exercise, prayer, listening to music, doing something that I enjoy, meeting new people, doing something to excite me, doing something to relax me, etc., etc.
There is only so many hours in a day and to do all of these suggestions would fill the entire day. So what is best single thing that is the very best for your mental and physical health?
Exercise. A 30-minute medium-to-fast pace walk at the end of the workday, or a form of exercise that you enjoy.
This form of exercise has to be undertaken at the end of each workday to burn off any remaining adrenaline and cortisol in your blood from the day's stressors. If you still want to go to the gym at the beginning of the day, fantastic, go for it. But why not do a little bit of cardio at the end of each day as well?
If exercise is not for you, or perhaps for some reason you are unable to do this activity, then simply choose one of the other activities from the list I have provided over the last few weeks. Pick one activity that resonates with you as most are of equal benefit
Better still, why not do a different activity each day to spice things up a bit?
Let's talk!
Nothing Changes If Nothing Changes!
I am convinced that the most sustainable way to help others is to help them to help themselves, with a little guidance if needed. Furthermore, not accepting the first or single solution may not be enough, we should keep looking for more options.
When we have a challenge/problem/issue/behaviour that won't go away or we want to change and is always on our mind, the longer that we delay fixing it the more it plays on our mind. The more it plays on our mind the higher the likelihood our brain will exaggerate the negative, the greater the exaggeration the harder it becomes to find a solution, the harder it is to find a solution, the cycle goes on.
The importance of doing something practical as early as possible cannot be emphasised enough, when we have a problem that is continually playing on our mind it becomes all-consuming. Additionally, the more we focus on the problem the greater the likelihood of tunnel vision which closes our mind.
There are many reasons why it might be best to take personal ownership of our challenges;
💡 We have personal involvement in the solution therefore become more determined.
💡 We have control of the solution, the journey, and the outcome.
💡 It gives us something practical to do thus keeps our mind active and focussed on the positive outcome.
💡 We learn about ourselves, what works best for us or what may not work as well, and we can adjust the solution as required.
💡 The more occasions that we take practical action, the easier it becomes, the greater the reduction in stress and the easier it is to find solutions.
So, how does it work?
👉 Find a person who you can trust, it need not be a family member nor a close friend as these people may also have a closed mind from knowing you too well.
👉 Write down your problem at the top of the page and then start writing down as many solutions as you can think of, no matter how silly they might seem. There are many resources that you can use to find solutions, the internet is the go-to these days but ensure that you are using a credible source.
Eliminate the ridiculous solutions, and then order the remaining solutions from the simplest to the hardest.
👉 Start working on the easiest solution for a minimum of 60 days, it takes at least that time to form a neural pathway and change patterns of behaviour.
👉 Evaluate how the solution went for you at the end of each day to see what positive changes you have made. If you find it helpful, also write down the challenges but only so that you can eliminate these from the following day.
When we want to change something, doing the same thing or doing nothing are not options. After all, nothing changes if nothing changes.
Let's talk!
What To Do When Feeling Overwhelmed.
We often hear, "If you are struggling, please reach out to someone for help." This sentiment will work if the person is in a lucid period or in the early stages of the mire. However, it may fall on deaf ears if the person is deep in the mire, or completely overwhelmed with 'life'.
Why deaf ears?
When people are all consumed with life, the only voice they hear is their own, and that voice is telling them to ignore the world. That voice, the one that comforted us as a child whenever we were struggling or afraid, has now become our enemy.
So why don't we ask for help, and why does that voice try in vain to comfort us as it did when we were a child? Fear is the answer for most of us.
Fear of burdening you with our issues, fear of what you might say to us, fear that you may scold or scorn us, fear that what you suggest may make things worse, fear of the repercussions of our actions, fear that you may view us as a failure, fear that we will never be seen the same way again, fear that we will never recover, fear of what the future holds if any future at all, fear of the unknown, fear of... The list is endless.
Yes, these fears are irrational, illogical, and often unfounded. But we don't know that, because we aren't thinking rationally or logically.
When overwhelmed, we are unable to think like you, to rationalise like you, to bring clarity to what you are saying. We can't work out why you don't get it, why you can't see what we see, why you aren't listening to us, why you don't understand that we can't simply "snap out of it."
So what should you do to help us when we are overwhelmed?
Take us to get some help if we readily want to go, encourage us to get some help if we won't go for help, listen to us without judging us or trying to fix us, ask us what we are thinking and feeling, or just be there for us.
A warm smile, a kind word, a hug from a loved one can be enough to keep us going. Remind us that we are loved, that we won't be scorned or scolded, that you don't care what we've done. Just be there for us when we need you.
Let's talk!
Intrusive Thoughts!
Be honest with yourself - have you ever had an extreme thought pop into your head and wondered where it came from or why you had that thought? 🤔
Have you ever stood on the edge of a tall building, bridge, or cliff and thought - I wonder what it would be like to step off, or, perhaps you feel drawn to just falling? When this happens, you jump back with fright and can't trust yourself to go near the edge again.
Perhaps your thought might be more extreme - I wonder what it would be like to watch someone die?
Just a fleeting thought that comes and goes in an instant so you try to bury (excuse the pun) that thought deeply for fear you might be going crazy. There are other similar thoughts about; religion and wanting to shout out something inappropriate during a church service, opening the door of an aircraft, harming people close to you, hurting animals, and even about your own death.
These are termed 'intrusive thoughts', and they are normal, truly they are. You are not going crazy.
The majority of us have had or will have these thoughts at some point in our lives. Just here in our office after discussing this topic, we discover that two out of three of us have had them.
Where do these thoughts come from? For some, it might be genetics, biological, environmental, or a combination of these and many other things. Like everything with the brain, there is no single nor clear answer for each of us.
The best I can come up with, and this is just my opinion, the intrusive thought is a survival mechanism designed to remind us of what is right and what is wrong. Intrusive thoughts can remind us that we are in control of our thoughts, otherwise, we would have acted on them.
So, what should you do about it if you have an intrusive thought?
Acknowledge and recognise it for what it is - and then let go of it and know that you are "normal", whatever that means.
However, if the unwanted thoughts are starting to disrupt your daily life, particularly if they’re impairing your ability to work or to do things you enjoy - perhaps it is time to seek out professional support.
Let's talk!