Be honest with yourself - have you ever had an extreme thought pop into your head and wondered where it came from or why you had that thought?
Have you ever stood on the edge of a tall building, bridge, or cliff and thought - I wonder what it would be like to step off, or, perhaps you feel drawn to just falling? When this happens, you jump back with fright and can't trust yourself to go near the edge again.
Perhaps your thought might be more extreme - I wonder what it would be like to watch someone die?
Just a fleeting thought that comes and goes in an instant so you try to bury (excuse the pun) that thought deeply for fear you might be going crazy. There are other similar thoughts about; religion and wanting to shout out something inappropriate during a church service, opening the door of an aircraft, harming people close to you, hurting animals, and even about your own death.
These are termed 'intrusive thoughts', and they are normal, truly they are. You are not going crazy.
The majority of us have had or will have these thoughts at some point in our lives. Just here in our office after discussing this topic, we discover that two out of three of us have had them.
Where do these thoughts come from? For some, it might be genetics, biological, environmental, or a combination of these and many other things. Like everything with the brain, there is no single nor clear answer for each of us.
The best I can come up with, and this is just my opinion, the intrusive thought is a survival mechanism designed to remind us of what is right and what is wrong. Intrusive thoughts can remind us that we are in control of our thoughts, otherwise, we would have acted on them.
So, what should you do about it if you have an intrusive thought?
Acknowledge and recognise it for what it is - and then let go of it and know that you are "normal", whatever that means.
However, if the unwanted thoughts are starting to disrupt your daily life, particularly if they’re impairing your ability to work or to do things you enjoy - perhaps it is time to seek out professional support.
Let's talk!
How Do You Relax?
I once was an advocate of slowing down, smelling the roses and savouring the journey as we travel. The fact is, I get bored very easily. I last about an hour if I have nothing to do, I get fidgety when on holiday just sitting by the beach, I like being near the shops ...you get the picture.
Each of us is very different. I relax by staying on the go. Others relax by reading a book, others by adventure sports, the list goes on. I now say - do what it is that makes you feel the most relaxed. 'Do one thing a day that makes you smile' is my new mantra.
Research is great, I base all my work on contemporary research. But at the end of the day, research is 'for the majority', not the totality. Research tells us that we should take time out to rest, relax, and recuperate. And we should, but it's how we do this that is different for each of us.
Adhering strictly to what others say that you should do may have the reverse effect, it may make you worry that you aren't doing what you should be doing because others said that you should. I knew someone who was told he should exercise more so he took up running. He hated running but drove himself to do it because he was told it would be good for him. It's just like giving up an unhealthy habit, we know it is bad and that we should stop, but this worry simply adds another layer to the unhealthy habit.
Do what you believe is right for you, if it feels right then it is. You are unique. After all, looking at the roses as you walk by can be just as beneficial as stopping to smell them for some of us.
Let's talk!
Is Your Battery Low?
There are times when we get so engrossed in life, that we forget about taking time out to recharge the batteries.
After years of trial and error, I have worked out that when the corners of my eyes start to burn, that is my low-battery notification. Others I have talked with have a similar warning sign - a knot in the stomach, sore or tight shoulders, a heavy chest perhaps, or some other physiological sign.
Prioritise 30 minutes of 'you time' each day to recharge before your low battery sign turns up. Spend just 30 minutes doing what you want to; something that makes you happy, something you get lost in.
Should We Sweat The Small Stuff?
With smaller annoyances, we tend to try and dismiss the event as insignificant, trivial, and easily moved on from. We often try to ignore the event or think that we did so, yet later that day/evening the annoyance returns to our thoughts. We might not tell anyone about what happened, for fear that it won’t mean anything to that person or that they may ridicule us for getting hung up on such a little thing.
When we hold onto any negative event in our head, the thoughts of it become exaggerated due to something termed as catastrophizing. It’s our brain's way of expanding the danger to bring clarity so that we can fix the issue. Unfortunately, when we catastrophize, we create a reality that doesn't exist.
If the annoyance has been and gone, we are left with only two options; try and dismiss it, or talk to someone about the annoyance to bring balance to our thoughts.
We know that trying to dismiss something that is playing on our mind generally doesn't work so we are left with talking to someone about it. Talking almost always helps us when we choose the right person.
There is a third option you may wish to try - “Run to the fire” - a mantra I coach. Bring the annoyance to the fore as it occurs. For the majority of us, we should deal with little annoyances at the time to prevent them from playing on our minds.
Switiching Off After Work.
The main challenge facing those working from home is the ability to switch off from their work life to their home life.
For many of us, we leave home and go to a place of work, then return home. Each location has a specific destination, so we can switch on and off reasonably comfortably. Home and work have different sights, sounds, smells, and our senses pick up on these differences and automatically switch our thoughts.
There are ways to work from home and switch our brains on and off so that we can relax at home and not think about work, despite it also being our place of work.
Just like getting a good night's sleep, it is all about consistent patterns.
When you are working from home, have a single place that you call "the office". If you don't have a room designated as an office, it can be anywhere in your home. I suggest somewhere far away from where you relax.
For those in the farming community or who actually live in the middle of their work, and don't have a physical office, choose a chair that is 'the work chair'.
When you enter that office/location or sit in that chair, say inside your head say - "Time for work!" When you have finished work and walk out of that office/location or stand up from that chair, inside your head say - "I'm home!"
Changing our pattern of behaviour can take a little time, often 60 to 80 days. However, if we bring physiology (a physical action) and psychology (what we say or think inside our head) together, amazing things happen in a much shorter timeframe.
For those who come home from work, all you have to do to switch off is to walk inside your home, while taking a deep breath through your nose as you do so, say inside your head - "I'm home!" When you have to do work from home in the evenings, use the same technique described above.
If you receive a work phone call at home, head to that office or sit in that chair to answer it.
We once had clear delineation between work and home, those lines have now been blurred. Introducing a few boundaries can be very effective in bringing balance back to our busy lives.
Let's talk!