With smaller annoyances, we tend to try and dismiss the event as insignificant, trivial, and easily moved on from. We often try to ignore the event or think that we did so, yet later that day/evening the annoyance returns to our thoughts. We might not tell anyone about what happened, for fear that it won’t mean anything to that person or that they may ridicule us for getting hung up on such a little thing.
When we hold onto any negative event in our head, the thoughts of it become exaggerated due to something termed as catastrophizing. It’s our brain's way of expanding the danger to bring clarity so that we can fix the issue. Unfortunately, when we catastrophize, we create a reality that doesn't exist.
If the annoyance has been and gone, we are left with only two options; try and dismiss it, or talk to someone about the annoyance to bring balance to our thoughts.
We know that trying to dismiss something that is playing on our mind generally doesn't work so we are left with talking to someone about it. Talking almost always helps us when we choose the right person.
There is a third option you may wish to try - “Run to the fire” - a mantra I coach. Bring the annoyance to the fore as it occurs. For the majority of us, we should deal with little annoyances at the time to prevent them from playing on our minds.
Switiching Off After Work.
The main challenge facing those working from home is the ability to switch off from their work life to their home life.
For many of us, we leave home and go to a place of work, then return home. Each location has a specific destination, so we can switch on and off reasonably comfortably. Home and work have different sights, sounds, smells, and our senses pick up on these differences and automatically switch our thoughts.
There are ways to work from home and switch our brains on and off so that we can relax at home and not think about work, despite it also being our place of work.
Just like getting a good night's sleep, it is all about consistent patterns.
When you are working from home, have a single place that you call "the office". If you don't have a room designated as an office, it can be anywhere in your home. I suggest somewhere far away from where you relax.
For those in the farming community or who actually live in the middle of their work, and don't have a physical office, choose a chair that is 'the work chair'.
When you enter that office/location or sit in that chair, say inside your head say - "Time for work!" When you have finished work and walk out of that office/location or stand up from that chair, inside your head say - "I'm home!"
Changing our pattern of behaviour can take a little time, often 60 to 80 days. However, if we bring physiology (a physical action) and psychology (what we say or think inside our head) together, amazing things happen in a much shorter timeframe.
For those who come home from work, all you have to do to switch off is to walk inside your home, while taking a deep breath through your nose as you do so, say inside your head - "I'm home!" When you have to do work from home in the evenings, use the same technique described above.
If you receive a work phone call at home, head to that office or sit in that chair to answer it.
We once had clear delineation between work and home, those lines have now been blurred. Introducing a few boundaries can be very effective in bringing balance back to our busy lives.
Let's talk!
Struggling With The 3pm Slump?
Struggling with the afternoon slump? Here are three quick-fix suggestions on refuelling your brain when you get tired, lethargic or fatigued;
Move it - moving around will produce endorphins, increase oxygen flow, bring ideas, burn off cortisol, and much more. A 15-minute fast-paced walk at lunchtime will get you through the afternoon.
Hydrate - 80% of your brain consists of water, you need water for your brain to function properly. Pure water, not coffee, tea, sodas, or any other fluid that might contain diuretics which will dehydrate you even further.
Get your protein in - prevent the afternoon crash by having a source of protein with every main meal.
Look forward to it - Looking forward to good things coming up in the future will generate similar chemicals to those produced when you smile. Think about something you can look forward to forward to at the end of the day or at the weekend.
You Are Not Mental!
"You're a mental!" A sentence said in jest by me growing up as a child of the Baby Boomer generation. As children, we seldom know what we are saying.
As adults, we know better. The words you use in jest can bully, humiliate, hurt, and ultimately destroy another person.
I'm a mental, a person who has had a mental illness.
Those words 'mental illness' conjure up all sorts of things. Words matter
I am a person who has had a brain sickness.
Brain sickness comes in many forms, from totally debilitating to those controlled with medication, to those who have recovered. Note I did not say fully recovered. Just like when you break a bone there is always a weak point where the bone has repaired itself. The same happens with your brain, there is always a weakness that you have to be careful with.
I used to think that all you needed to do to get over depression was to harden up, and get on with things. That is not so, these days!
If you have had a serious broken bone you may be left with continual pain that has to be managed by medication. It is okay to take medication for the pain of a bone injury, to go to the doctor to get help with healing - and therefore it is no different to take medication to manage the pain inside your head, or to seek help from a professional.
I am lucky, I do not have to take medication. But I do have to ensure I get enough sleep, exercise, and socialisation so that I do not get sick again.
When I had a mental illness, a brain sickness, I had a mild case of depression. (I convince myself it was mild, as it only lasted for a year and I didn’t need prescription medication to recover).
Note that I didn't say that I 'suffered' from it, I was 'had' it. Suffering is another negative word that we attach to the term mental illness. I wouldn't wish what I went through on anyone, not even for our worst enemies. However, what I learned about life on my journey I could not have learned any other way. And for that, I am very grateful. More grateful still to those who stuck by me.
There are many great people I know who have been to see the black dog and returned to be much wiser. Not stronger, wiser.
Some of those people love to share their gift with others so that other people don't have to go through the same thing. Listen to these people, and you will learn a lot.
Is Now A Good Time?
Holding difficult conversations can be a challenge.
As managers, we are duty-bound to look after our staff. As people, it is inherent in us to want to be there to help others. No manager wants to be left wondering whether they should have said something to a team member should the worst happen and that person ends their life, knowing that you might have been able to intervene.
As managers who need to meet with staff, some of the challenges we struggle with are; do you send them an invitation explaining the purpose of the meeting, do you surprise them, do you get straight to the point or ask them how things are going as a way of opening the challenging conversation?
The easy answer is to say, it depends. I have read many posts that say just that; it depends. That's not very helpful. As a crisis negotiator who has spent over 20 years training and coaching around the world developing communication programmes for various situations, here is a suggestion;
Don't alert the person too early as to what it is that you want to talk with them about, other than to say you are concerned for them and would like to have an informal chat to see how you can help.
Where you meet them is just as important as what you say in the meeting, they will never forget that place and may feel uncomfortable each time they return there. Hold the meeting in a neutral venue where it is unlikely they will return - a breakout room where others can't see into or a Cafe are the best choices.
Opening the conversation can be difficult. My suggestion is to go straight to the point as soon as possible after a general conversation. It is done in three parts - what have you noticed, what is your concern, and what is your question of the person.
"I have noticed lately that you are not your usual self (describe what behaviour has changed), and I/we am/are concerned about you and that you may not be coping, is there something going on that I/we can help you with?"
Once the person opens up, follow their lead by asking a question about what they have just said. For example, they might say, "There's just so much going on at the moment," so you follow with either "What are all of the things going on at the moment" or "Tell me about all of those things". By following their lead, you will quickly get to the underlying issue.
Once you have found the problem, don't try and fix it straight away. Ask them, "So how does all of this impact you" or "How are you feeling with all that is going on". Emotions are what drives us and from which most of our actions emanate.
Next, acknowledge that emotion. "These things are hard", "These things can be tough", or "You do have a lot going on at the moment". An emotion that is acknowledged is disarmed and will open the door to the truth.
"Is now a good time?" You bet it is, now is always a good time to talk.
Let's talk!