Work With The Flow, Not Against It.

As we go through various levels of change in our new world, nothing changes when it comes to our wellbeing. Having seen, read, and researched about wellbeing, we can make predictions about what most of us will be seeing and feeling as we learn to adapt to our ever-changing world.

The rules are very much the same when managing any of life's challenges:

  1. Take your time - as you work through the whatever issue you face, don't make any rash decisions or say things that you might later regret. Slow is smooth, smooth is fast.

  2. Find the facts - limit where you seek guidance from to just a few reputable sources, and fact check those sources.

  3. Focus on your immediate needs - food, water, shelter, and social connection. Importantly, breathe fully as you go through your day.

  4. Take action - our mind likes to work so get it working on taking positive action.

  5. Seek help - always seek professional help if you are truly struggling with negative thoughts.

Our brain prefers to run in a pattern and may find it discomforting when the pattern is disrupted. Our neural pathways are why we have habits, why we run in patterns, and why we enjoy certainty. These pathways have been described as superhighways, the more that we do something or think about something the larger and stronger the highway becomes.

I prefer to think of neural pathways as rivers. Why?

A superhighway is difficult to get off, you have to force your way through traffic to the side of the highway, remaining highly alert as you do so to avoid having an accident. Then, you have to continue along the highway waiting for an offramp that leads you to who knows where. Fight against the flow of traffic and it is likely that you will cause carnage.

A river on the other hand, can be much easier to get out from. Slowly work your way to the shore using the energy of the water to support and guide you. There is no need to look out for others, just yourself, as you slide off to the side towards the riverbank. You can see where you are heading as you move slowly towards the riverbank and can also see the sanctuary of solid ground on both sides of the river that will provide additional comfort.

Try to fight against a river and it will simply spin you around without too much harm. If you do go under the water take a deep breath knowing that you will always pop back up at some point. Think to yourself, 'for this too shall pass', eventually.

When struggling with negative thoughts, use the energy around you rather than fight against it. Take small steps rather than large ones, relax in the flow when you need to, watch the direction of the current to see where you are heading, focus solely on staying afloat, and shout out to a lifeguard if ever you need one.

The flow of the river will always take you close to shore at each bend, keep working your way towards the shore and climb out of the river when the time is right for you, not when there is a predetermined offramp.

For those of you who might be thinking that a river is not a good analogy because rivers can be too strong to climb out from, reduce the size of your river by focussing on what is directly in front of you in the knowledge that you can form a new river by digging at the side of the bank of the fast-flowing river to form a tributary. Change one small thing each week.

It is far too difficult to change the flow of a superhighway, for it is fixed in place.

Let's talk!

Freeze, Rather Than Fight or Flee.

On occasion, when threatened with immediate and intense danger, we may freeze rather than go into our automatic fight-or-flight mode. We become temporarily paralysed, frozen to the spot.

Those in high-risk occupations know that, regardless of how much training they undertake, often in threatening situations they will revert back to the primary instincts of fight-or-flight briefly before returning to their training - generally to fight. Our evolutionary automatic nervous system response is so strong that we have trouble overpowering it.

When faced with most dangers, we make a decision within a millisecond based on what we perceive to be danger. If it appears that we might be able to overcome the danger, our sympathetic nervous system kicks in and we get a rush of adrenaline and cortisol to provide instant energy to fight. If it seems that the danger is greater than our ability to overcome it we will have a similar response so that we can run.

As with fight-or-flight, the freeze response is part of our autonomic nervous system, it occurs outside of our conscious control. The difference being on this occasion that our freeze mode occurs when we can't make the decision to fight or to flee, our parasympathetic system engages and our heart rate decreases rather than increases as it does with fight-or-flight.

These three automatic responses tend to occur in the order of fight, flight, then freeze depending upon our perceived ability compared with the level of danger. If we think that we can overcome the danger we will fight, if we think that the danger is greater than our ability we will run, and if it appears the danger is insurmountable we will freeze whilst the situation unfolds to allow us time to process what is occurring.

Additionally, in freeze mode our brain has the ability to shut out the danger altogether. (Warning, graphic detail). As a former police officer, entering a room where a person was in the process of dismembering another, when I looked at what was occuring I did not see all of the horrific details. My brain stopped processing the information to protect me, my thoughts froze.

Therefore, freeze can be a positive response when we are faced with an immediate high-risk situation where we need to stay safe until we can make a clearer determination. An emergency response process that many organisations promote is the STAR technique - Stop, Think, Act, and Review. It uses our freeze mode as the first response.

Stop what you are doing, Think about your action, Act on the action, then Review your action once the danger is over. In our practice, we use the same technique in a modified form. Stop and Think are conducted simultaneously by taking a deep breath to clear our thoughts, then Act by either 'staying' (fight) or 'going' (flight).

There is ever-increasing physiological evidence connecting our breathing patterns with the brain regions that control our mood and emotion therefore our response to danger. We can overcome, or certainly reduce, our automatic fight-or-flight response through controlled breathing to engage our parasympathetic system and thus utilise our freeze mode.

Furthermore, research conducted at the Perelman School of Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania found that our olfactory system neurons, our sense of smell, appears to play a greater role in the connection between rhythmic breathing and our emotional regulation. This is confirmation that all breathing should be undertaken through the nose rather than through the mouth for swifter control of our automatic response. 

Freeze is an option that we might want to consider as we start to emerge from our lockdown resulting from COVID-19. Our brain has been under constant strain over the last few weeks processing loads of information and will be tense and tired. As we go into a new level of freedom, close to one that we once knew, our brain will begin to unwind and rest.

Yet, as we learn to adapt, we will again begin to process loads of information meaning our brain will become tense once again as our mind tries to figure out how to keep us safe. As we move to our next level, we can expect emotions to be heightened, in ourselves and in others.

Therefore, when uncertain, when worried, when anxious, or when feeling overwhelmed, engage your parasympathetic system by taking a long, slow, deep diaphragmatic breath in through your nose and out through your mouth.

Breathing, such a simple tool yet one that is so powerful.

Let's talk!

Sleep is not only important, it is critical for our wellbeing. Most of us go through three to five rapid eye movement (REM) cycles every night, with each cycle lasting around 90 minutes. There are five phases to each cycle, we go deeper and deeper into our sleep with each phase, the last phase is our deepest sleep and is when we (mostly) dream.

What are dreams? For the most part; they are the last thing on our mind as we go to sleep, the day's events, and/or our fears & insecurities. The challenge that scientists have with interpreting our dreams is that our dreams aren't matter-of-fact, they are distorted because of the way our brain functions when we are asleep.

It is no secret that hard cheeses will give you bad dreams, soft cheeses, particularly blue cheese, may give some people dreams similar to an LSD trip. There's something to look forward to tonight! Being too hot will also give you bad dreams.

"But what about the other things that happen to us when we sleep" I often get asked questions in my presentations. Let's have a look at a few of them now;

Lucid Dreaming

Have you ever had a dream where you knew you were dreaming during your dream? This is called a lucid dream. Research has shown that lucid dreaming is accompanied by an increased activation of parts of the brain that are normally suppressed during sleep. Lucid dreaming represents a brain state between REM sleep and being awake.

Some people who are lucid dreamers are able to influence the direction of their dream, changing the story so to speak. While this may be a good tactic to take, especially during a nightmare, many dream experts say it is better to let your dreams occur naturally.

Teeth Clenching/Grinding

Known as bruxism, it can be associated with factors such as anxiety, stress, too much caffeine or sleep apnea. To reduce bruxism you can either; reduce the influencing factors, sleep on your side, or use a medical aid such as a cream or mouthguard.

Sleep Talking

Known as somniloquy, around 50% of children aged 3 to 10 talk in their sleep and 5% of adults do so. It is often thought to occur during the dream phase however this is yet to be completely confirmed. Most often, sleep talking is harmless, on very few occasions it may be caused by an underlying issue. Sleep talking makes no sense so don't take exception if the sleep talker says something inappropriate or offensive. There is no 'cure' for sleep talking as such, because it is mostly harmless. If the sleep talking is violent or causing issues it is best to see a sleep specialist.

Sleep Walking

Termed somnambulism, It is much more common in children than adults and is more likely to occur if a person is sleep deprived. . It is a common misconception that a sleepwalker should not be awakened. In fact, it can be quite dangerous not to wake a sleepwalker. The onset or persistence of sleepwalking in adulthood is common and is usually not associated with any significant underlying psychiatric or psychological problems.

Common triggers for sleepwalking include sleep deprivation, sedative agents (including alcohol), febrile illnesses, and certain medications. Treatment for sleepwalking in adults may include hypnosis. In fact, there are many cases in which sleepwalking patients have successfully treated their symptoms with hypnosis alone. Also, pharmacological therapies such as sedative-hypnotics or antidepressants have been helpful in reducing the incidence of sleepwalking in some people.

Sleep Eating

Sleep related eating disorder (SRED) episodes always occur in an “out of control” manner. They tend to occur when you are only partially awake. Foods that are high in calories tend to be eaten the most. It is common to eat or drink thick and sugary foods such as peanut butter or syrup. 

Other sleep disorders that can be closely linked to SRED include the following:

  • Restless legs syndrome

  • Periodic limb movement disorder

  • Obstructive sleep apnea

  • Irregular sleep-wake rhythm

  • Sleep related dissociative disorders

People with sleep eating disorder often:

  • Have repeated episodes of “out-of-control” eating and drinking during the time when they sleep

  • Eat strange forms or combinations of food

  • Eat or drink inedible or toxic substances

  • Have eating episodes that disturb their sleep, causing insomnia. As a result, their sleep is not refreshing or you are very tired during the day

  • Injure themselves

  • Do something dangerous while getting or cooking food

  • Have a loss of appetite in the morning

  • Have their health decline from eating foods that are high in calories

It is also important to know if there is something else that is causing your problem. It may be a result of one of the following:

  • Another sleep disorder

  • A medical condition

  • Medication use

  • A mental health disorder

  • Substance abuse

Sleep Paralysis

According to a 2012 study, two powerful brain chemical systems work together to paralyse skeletal muscles during rapid eye movement (REM) sleep. According to the study, this finding may help scientists better understand and treat sleep disorders, including narcolepsy, tooth grinding, and REM sleep behavior disorder.

If you frequently have sleep paralysis then it is important to seek expert advice.

Night Terrors

Sleep terrors are episodes of screaming, intense fear and flailing while still asleep. Also known as night terrors, sleep terrors often are paired with sleepwalking. Night terrors differ from nightmares in that the person having the night terror remains asleep whereas we will wake from a nightmare and recall the bad dream.

Sleep terrors can be caused by sleep deprivation and extreme tiredness, stress, disruption to patterns of sleep, fever, or triggered by an underlying medical condition. Again, seek expert assistance if night terrors are persistent.

Predictive Dreaming

There are many examples of situations where a dream came true or was telling of a future event. When you have a dream that then plays out in real life, experts say it is most likely due to:

  • Coincidence

  • Faulty memory

  • An unconscious tying together of known information

However, sometimes dreams can motivate you to act a certain way, thus changing the future. For me, this still doesn't explain the high level of 'visions' that some people have, particularly in indigenous peoples.

We all need a good night sleep and for most, we are doing so. If you are having trouble with getting to sleep or staying alseep please reach out and this document may be able to help - https://www.warninternational.com/contact.

Let's talk!

Why Do I Cry Now More Than Ever Before?

Someone who read my last post was kind enough to send a personal message saying thanks for making them feel 'normal' about how they were feeling during the current situation that we find ourselves in with covid-19.

They also said that they found themselves crying a lot, something that was unusual for them. Immediately I thought about what that person had said, how foreign it was for them to cry. I found that sad, we should all be able to cry whenever we feel the need to.

The person who sent me the message was a man, a real man, a tough man, one who is always there for others, one who had to always be the strongest, one who others looked to for strength.

I get it that we need to have strength in times when strength is needed, but this is not one of those times. We don't need you to be strong all of the time, we need you to be human. We need you to show all of the emotions that we as humans are meant to show - sadness and happiness, courage and fear, insecurity and confidence, fragility and strength - because it is important for each of us to do so.

It is important in times of uncertainty that others see us as having the same emotions so that we can relate to what each other is feeling, because we are all feeling the same things. Who amongst us has never felt afraid, fragile, or sad in the last few weeks. These so called 'negative' emotions.

It is important to not only feel negative emotions in times of uncertainty, it is important to show them. A negative emotion that is shared is halved, a negative emotion that is shared is disarmed, a negative emotion that is shared is dissolved.

There is no such thing as a 'negative' emotion currently, emotions are emotions, one is just as important as the next. Remember that negative emotions are designed to keep us safe from harm, to make us alert and aware, to make us human.

When we see someone who look afraid, who appear fragile, or who cry, validates how we ourselves are also feeling. It makes us feel less alienated, it shows that we are all in the same situation, that we are part of the wider world, it brings us closer together, it shows us that we are all connected, that we are human.

However, it is more important not to dwell on negative emotions. By all means feel them, express them, talk about them, then move on from them by doing something that introduces the opposite emotion.

Finally, don't target others with your negative emotion for it is your emotion at that particular time, not theirs.

Let's talk!

My Dreams Are Kind of Weird!

Have you noticed over the last few days that your dreams are kind of weird? More weird than usual. Mine have been and so are those of people I have spoken with. It's as though I have gone back in time to an earlier life on most occasions.

Additionally, have you been tired, more tired than usual, feeling both physically and psychologically drained? Perhaps even emotionally drained? I have, and not just because of work, I am tired both physically as well as mentally, and I'll admit to having the occasional emotional moment where I feel overwhelmed.

So what is going on? The 'tiredness' issue is simple to explain, change and uncertainty. In the new world of COVID-19 we now have to make so many decisions about what was once easy to make, almost an unconscious decision.

"I'm just going down the road to get some milk" now becomes a multi-dimensional decision based on numerous influencing factors related to survival - am I allowed to go, how will I get there, which shop is open, what is the wait time, do I need gloves and mask, will I look silly (yes), how will I stay safe, what is 2 metres between other people, should I buy toilet paper while I am there (no), do I take my gloves off at the car or when I get home, has the milk container now been infected, phew!

Psychology affects physiology - when we have to make numerous calculated decisions that are outside of our routine we quickly become mentally tired as we use up fuel. Our brain prefers to run in patterns, neural pathways, and when we go outside of these pathways our mind goes to war - fight or flight.

Fighting, is both mentally and physically draining. Mentally, because we are consuming valuable brain fuel, and physically because our muscles become tense with adrenaline and we go into a heightened state of alertness with cortisol.

So why are our dreams weird then? It is important at this point to differentiate our conscious mind from our subconscious one. When we go to sleep our subconscious mind takes over and it does not behave in a 'normal' manner that our conscious mind does.

Our subconscious is different, it doesn't work on the present moment it works on the past. Our subconscious mind is working on the day's events to consolidate our long-term memory and get rid of any rubbish. It is also working on our fears and insecurities, of which there are a few currently.

All of these actions done so when we dream, for that is what our dreams are - processing the day's events and our fears. Because there are lots of new and uncertain things going on in the world at the moment, our subconscious has a lot of work to do. Hence, we have stranger dreams than usual.

What can we do to overcome what is occurring at the moment, we could fill pages with information that you would soon get bored with. A shorter answer is to go to our website and hit the 'Contact Us' button, scroll down to the 'Sleep Tips' query, fill out the details and we will get back to you with a comprehensive document on how to relax and how to get a better night's sleep.

As for feeling emotionally drained, connect with people. Most often in our new world we have feelings of being overwhelmed and isolated. Connection with others can counteract these normal emotions. Go for a walk around the block and say "Hi" to everyone you pass by.

Not only does exercise produce the buzz from endorphins being produced in our brain, exercise also burns off adrenaline and cortisol increasing the chance of a better night's sleep. Saying hello to others connects us but also makes the world seem just a little normal.

Let's talk!

Our Valued Clients

To see a full list of our clients please click on the images above