Have We Lost The Plot When It Comes To PR?

Having watched a number of organisations managing their public relations (PR) after negative commentary in the media, and not doing a very good job at it in my humble opinion, I wondered - have we lost the plot when it comes to PR?

Furthermore, have we lost the plot with many of life's events? Do we over-complicate things, do we think too hard on what might or might not happen, are we trying to be too smart (too clever), or is it necessary in today's over-complicated world?

Without singling out one organisation in particular, there has been two recent PR struggles with a large sporting body in New Zealand who could have done much better, much sooner. It appears that they are using an old model of;

1. Ignore it and see what happens - "Today's newspaper is tomorrow's fish and chip wrapper."
2. Deny that it is your responsibility - "It's not for us to comment on, it is a decision made by another entity."
3. Get the fire brigade - "Let's put a heap of water on this and see if we can quell the fire of discontent.”

PR for me comes down to three things - should we make a comment, what should we say, and what is the predicted reaction to what we have just said?

The answer to the first questions is always, yes, you should always make comment. With the explosion of social media, unless you make comment others will do so for you. It’s basic physics really, a void will be filled with something.

As to the second question, the late Paul Holmes had a great line - "What would Mum think?" And that is the benchmark for most of us, what would an elderly lady want you to say to her if she was wronged?

As to the third question, it is easy to run a straw poll across a few people outside of your organisation to make an independent comment on what you are about to say. This removes 'group think' and gives you a fair indication of probable reaction. Better still go to the person impacted by what has happened and ask them what they think.

Organisations that make mistakes, and individuals for that matter, have two options; do nothing or do something. The former is never an option. The latter comes down to a simple test, "What would mum want?"

I dare say Mum would want you to apologise immediately, then tell her what you have done to make it better. Let's not over-complicate things, let’s use the KISS principle. 

Listening Is The Key To Good Communications

"We were given two ears and one mouth for a good reason" is the mantra of crisis negotiators - twice as much listening as talking will help you to build a rapport. How often do we actually do this, not that often I would suggest?

Additionally, how often have you tried to help someone by immediately problem-solving instead of finding out more about their problem first?

When communicating with others, particularly those who are seeking help, do not let your brain control what you say. When we are helping others, we get excited and go into a similar zone to that of the fight-or-flight response. This interferes with our ability to listen.

Control yourself with a few simple techniques;

1. Listen to what the person is saying - do not guess their answer or hear only what you want to hear and never ever say the first thing that comes int your head because it is usually wrong.
2. Resist the urge to interrupt - allow them to finish off their sentence completely before responding and do not finish their sentence for them.
3. Allow them to take their time - do not rush someone, allow them to tell you everything in their own time. Take long, slow, deep, quiet breaths and listen.
4. Stay focussed - do not let your mind wander, listen intently to every word so that you get the entire message.
5. Don't guess - try not to think of your next question while they are still talking.
6. Use open questions - start your sentences with either 'what' or 'how' to encourage the other person to talk more.
7. Control your volume, speed and tone - keep your volume low, your rate of speech slow, and your voice calm. We mirror these three things when we communicate, as well as the length of our sentences.
8. Don't take it personally - if you are being criticised, do not get angry, learn from it or dismiss it.
9. Control your expressions - unconscious bias (I prefer to use subconscious bias) shows as micro-expressions on our face. Control them by smiling but only if appropriate of course.
10. Paraphrase - when the other person has finished, go back over what they have said to confirm that you have got it right. Do not say that you 'understand' because you don't.

By making it about them you will gain empathy, trust, and respect. And you may not even have to problem-solve. 

Gen-Ys and Gen-Zs - What's Going On?

I recently presented on the topic of generational differences at a conference and was asked - "What you are telling us is simply broad generalisations. "My reply - "Yes, they are?" And after all isn't that what a lot of research is, the majority? So here I go with some broad generalisations about Gen-Y and Gen Zs.

I assert that the most stressed (dis-stressed as I once heard it termed) generation are the millennials, those who are currently aged 26 to 35. Closely following them are the Gen-Zs, those aged under 21.

I am no expert in this field of what is making them the most pressured group, the millennials, however after talking with literally hundreds of them through my work, I suggest two main causes;

A Fast Brain

Millenials have great difficulty in slowing their brains down, particularly at night. This is a direct result of technology providing instant access to as much information as they would ever want, leading to a hunger for more information, leading to bouncing across numerous websites, and so the cycle continues. Add to this their high use of social media, in its many forms, you can see why their brains remain active for long periods of time.

The way millennials learn has changed from the more traditional way of learning, books. They prefer, and actually do learn more, through the use of technology. This feeds into the way that they are influenced. 15 years ago when I studied radicalisation, there had to be human-to-human contact for a person to become fully radicalised, this is no longer the case. Millennials can become strongly influenced through the use of technology alone, no human-to-human contact is needed.

Lack of Person-to-Person Socialisation

Have a look around your lunchroom today at work, how many millennials will you see sitting at the same table with their heads down looking at their phones? Plenty I would suggest. Even when they get together with their friends they will be on their phones while also holding a conversation. The result of this is isolation.

Moreover, have you noticed the lack of facial expression by some of the Gen-Ys and Gen-Zs? Often it is difficult to know what they are feeling because it does not show on their face. We learn facial expressions by watching others....

Research strongly indicates that socialisation, talking in particular, reduces our stress levels. The more that we talk face-to-face, the greater the reduction in cortisol levels.

The use of technology is trying to change in 20 years what has occurred over thousands of years, and it simply can't work.

The Answer?

Again, in my humble opinion, millennials, in fact all of us, need to have a total break from technology for at least two hours each day and during that down-time we need to talk.

In this persons' humble opinion, it is as simple as that. Technology is fantastic and the way of the future, but until the wiring in our brain accommodates the new way of learning there needs to be a mid-point solution.

Job Interviews - Finding the Truth.

You are sitting opposite someone you are interviewing to fill a vacancy and you want to dig a bit deeper to find the truth. There are many ways of doing this, here are a few quick and easy techniques which start low-key and end with a direct challenge;

• Body language - they shift in their seat as they speak, have a forced smile, won't look you in the eye or hold your gaze for too long, they stutter or falter, a facial micro-expression, have a hand over their mouth, a rub of the nose, or perhaps you just have a 'feeling' that what has been said is not quite right. (Words come from the left side of the brain, body language from the right. Hence, there are indicators if the two don't match).
• Focus on the lie - leave a slight pause before saying "If I have heard you correctly....", then paraphrase their lie. (We don't like our lie told back to us.) If they lie again - leave a longer pause this time (silence is golden as they say) then say "This is important, can you go back over that and this time I will take some notes". This will trap most liars.
• Drill down on the lie using their ego - ask them lots of questions around the finer details of what they have told you. All the time you are playing to their ego by saying things like "Wow, that's amazing" or "That's fantastic" or "I could never have done that". Keep asking open-ended questions to encourage them to talk, the more they do the braver they get and the bigger the lie until eventually it will become obvious that what they have told you is untrue.
• Probing questions - similar to the last technique, this time you drill down into the minutia by asking for the smallest of detail starting with an open question and ending with a closed one. "You said before that you were responsible for...., tell me more about the steps that you took". Keep drilling down like this and ask for as much detail as possible. Then ask your closed questions. Eventually you will know if it is truthful.
• Challenging questions - this technique is used when it is evident that the person has lied. Start by asking questions in a non-confrontational way and end with a direct question. "That sounds almost too good to be true", "I can't believe something like that could happen", "Did you actually do that?", "That seems a bit far-fetched doesn't it", and end with "Are you being honest?"
• Supporting their lie - Now it is time to ask them for supporting evidence. Is there someone else who can verify what they have told you, is there a document trail, perhaps some media. You might even say "Can I confirm this with your ex-employer, your referee or someone who worked with you?"

By far, the majority of us are honest during an interview because we value our honesty and may have a fear of being caught out. However, most people exaggerate and that is not a lie, it's an embellishment! 

Bullying, Harassment, Threats - It's Not Okay.

Before going into an organisation with my coaching programs, I run a survey question - "What it is that people say or do that annoys or frustrates you in your work." The majority of responses return with examples of internal conflict, bullying being the main one.

The evidence is out there, we are angrier and sadder than we ever have been before and it is often reflected in the way we talk to other people when we are annoyed, confused, or frustrated.

For the most part, our communication style has changed across the generations. What Baby Boomers would to say to each other thirty years ago was often viewed as the norm, today it is quite rightly viewed as bullying. "Get on with it you lazy so-and-so" was how I was motivated at work. Crazy when I think back on it.

Anecdotally, the majority of bullies are Baby Boomers who were 'motivated' in the same way that I was. We need to change.

Bullying has many underlying reasons - low self-esteem, incorrect upbringing, peer pressure, modelled behaviour, poor health, etc., etc. These are not excuses; they just help to explain the reason why which may help us to identify a solution.

Bullying was rife in the military under the guise of 'orders', they have subsequently changed because they know it doesn't work to get the best out of people.

What should you do if you are being bullied at work;

1. Give them one chance - Sometimes we say things in the heat of the moment that we later regret. I am a big believer in giving everyone one chance, let it slide this time but record the details of the interaction.
2. Hold that thought - Never confront the person at the time of the bullying, allow at least two hours until you speak with the person to enable your adrenaline to dissipate. I prefer to wait overnight. If you don't do this, you might end up saying the wrong thing as emotions run hot.
3. Write it down - Record in writing what was said and how you felt about it. This is an important step, not for the purpose of using it as ammunition in a court case but to allow you to start thinking from your left brain - your rational brain - rather than from your right brain - your emotional/defensive brain.
4. Think about what you want to say - Have a plan, not a plan of attack but of conciliation. This is what the person said, this is how I felt about what they said, and this is what I would like to see happen from here forward.
5. Arrange a time to meet - Ask to speak with them at a time that suits them so that they can give you their full attention.
6. Confront the behaviour, but be nice - Remind them of what was said and how you felt about it. Ask if there was a reason as often there is one. Give them a chance to respond while you control your breathing...
7. Put them on notice - Ask the person what they would like you to do if it happens again. "Should I speak with you immediately if this happens again or would you prefer me to wait until the next day like I have done this time?"
8. If it happens again - Now it's time to get serious as this is now a third occasion. Report the repeated behaviour to a superior or to a union representative.

You will note that all the way through this process you make it about them. That's the key, make it about the other person. If you confront bullying in a confrontational manner, then you become the bully.