It's Time To Get Real, Let's Talk.

I have just read an article on an amazing suicide prevention program in NZ for Maori that is having great results. I am passionate about preventing suicide as it has impacted on me and on my family.

I was a police officer, and proud of it. The police are resourced to, amongst other things, police our roads. they spend an enormous amount of time, energy and money to further reduce the 150 road deaths each year. And rightfully so.

I wonder how many people we have preventing the 569 suicides each year? Three times the number of deaths each year from suicide as there are killed on the roads! We know that there are many more people injured than there are killed, and that this also has an impact on the families. But so does suicide. The impact of suicide on family and friends is probably under-estimated.

Ignorance is dangerous. Ignorance on suicide and the causes even more so. Suicide can happen to anyone, trust me. If the right set of factors are at play it could well happen to you.

It's time to get real on suicide. Our loved ones, our heroes, our celebrities, our friends, and our neighbours are needlessly killing themselves. I say needlessly because there aren’t enough suicide prevention initiatives, enough discussion, or enough resources put into suicide as there is into policing our roads.

There are people are out there trying their very best to help to educate on suicide. People who have been there, people who have stood on the edge and by good grace or by good luck have survived. Yes, there are those people who have studied, researched and learned about suicide and suicide prevention who are also helping. But they have not been there.

Something has to be done, and done soon.

I am no expert on this stuff. Yet having stood on the bridge on both sides of the handrail, I can tell you that having someone come to me and tell me what is going to happen if I didn't look after myself, or if I was to face an unplanned tragedy or disappointment, or if I started having dark thoughts, that I could end up thinking about suicide then I may have listened.

Let’s get real about suicide, let’s work together and talk about prevention strategies that are making a real difference.

How Can I Help, Please Tell Me.

For the last two years I have been posting on what matters to me. Many of you have enjoyed them and have taken the time to say so, and for that I am very grateful. If you have been following my posts you will also know that recently I said that I would no longer focus on myself, (very hard for me not to do), I want to focus on you.

To that end, I would like you to provide me with suggestions on topics that I can post on that could be of help to you or someone that you know, (I know it will actually be for you but that'll be our little secret).

I have been having great success lately in my workshops when I ask the audience for role-play topics. I will then play that person with the entire audience against me asking relevant questions. It's not only fun - for the audience that is - it helps everyone to understand how to communicate easier in challenging situations.

I would like you to send me some suggestions on what it is that you would like me to discuss in my posts. Topics could include;

• Bullying - workplace, school, home, or in social media.
• Bosses - how to put your boss on notice in a nice way to stop whatever behaviour you want them to stop.
• Presentations - standing comfortably in front of an audience in meetings, providing training. keynote speaking, etc.
• Generations - communicating across the five generations, how young people can communicate with the old (that's anyone 10 years older than the 20-year-old is considered old), how old people (50 years plus) can communicate better with the young (under 21).
• Emotional people - how to deescalate the angry, control the sad, stop the swearers, etc.
• Difficult employees – managing those who annoy you, are boisterous, or say/do inappropriate things.
• Interviewing - how to get information out of someone quickly and thoroughly without pressure.
• Suicide - what is happening to the person, what are they thinking, how to recognise signs, what to say and do, how to keep yourself safe, or how to keep them safe as much as possible.

Anything at all that I might help you with to make your life that little bit easier.

With your suggestions, you can either;

• Reply/comment to this post.
• Send a personal message through this medium.
• Go to my website and hit the 'Contact Us' tab - www.warninternational.com

Please note that all submissions will be considered and you will remain anonymous. I look forward to hearing from you. 

Trolling - What Can You Do?

Trolling used to be something people we did when fishing, today it has quite a different meaning and one that has been known to destroy lives. According to Wikipedia, where trolling became a real issue for them when they first started, trolling is internet slang for someone who posts inflammatory comments on another person’s post.

For the majority, trolls are small minded people who get a real buzz from posting negative, defamatory, or threatening comments. Essentially, they are bullies. And most bullies need to boost their self-esteem by picking on weaker people. In my opinion, Trolls are worse than bullies, they do it anonymously without fear of retribution. Trolls go to extraordinary lengths to hide themselves to remain anonymous therefore have no fear of being confronted.

I liken trolls to the latest phenomena of 'king hitters', the aptly named ‘cowardly punchers’ because they strike people from behind or without warning to feel good about themselves. However, they have no idea of the personal consequences of their actions.

Of those who I have spoken to who have suffered from the actions of trolls, and believe me people do suffer personally as a consequence of trolling, when they have located the troll that person has been an insignificant person who did what they did out of ignorance, jealousy, revenge, or just to be the centre of attention.

Replying to the troll is the worst thing that you can do as it justifies their existence, they have won in their own eyes if you respond negatively.  

I've had them, and still do on occasion. I just post back telling them to Google my name and look at my previous career and to keep doing what they are doing if they want me to take it to the next step. 

So what is the next step? 

Ignore the post it is the first option, let people see what an idiot that person is. Their post is a reflection of them, not of you. Nonetheless it is still hurtful. Deleting the post if you can do so is your second option, or block the person altogether is the third. That's the easy steps. Another option is to respond pleasantly and thank them for posting their opinion, it is often hard to come back at someone when they are nice to you.

There are laws around using the internet as a medium to spread gossip, rumour, fear, defamation, slander, not to mention threatening harm. And new laws are being constructed as Government comes to grip with the explosion of social media and the subsequent cyber-bullying.

Reporting trolls to the police is a good option if the posts are of a hostile nature. Why? Because trolls may take it to the next level and become disaffected, that's how radicalisation works. When I studied radicalisation 10 years ago there had to be human contact for a person to become fully radicalised and it was a lengthy process, this is no longer the case. People can swiftly become disaffected through the internet and social media. 

For the most part, ignore the troll. Don’t let them win.

To the trolls out there, why not post your opinion in an intelligent and respectful way. You will gain much more respect and you might just win your argument. 

Even More Ways To Manage Stress At Work.

"Finally", I hear you say, "He is coming to an end with suggesting things to do at work to manage my stress levels!" These last few suggestions focus on your emotional brain, the most important part as far as I’m concerned. 

Look Forward - When sitting at your desk feeling low, usually between 2 and 3 in the afternoon, lift your spirits by thinking of something exciting coming up. It could be something that you are going to do after work, that night, or in the weekend. If you have a vacation coming up, or planning one, think of that.

Fond Memories -  I speak a lot about always being in the moment and looking forward for a very good reason, it helps us to focus on the positive. However, you can look back provided you are only looking back in time to learn from your mistakes or to think of positive memories. For some reason which research is still working on, the only positive memory we hold in any great detail is holidays. So, if you can't think of something positive coming up, think of the fun you had while on your last holiday.

Give Something - Altruism is a powerful tool for supporting your emotional brain, giving something. Help someone at work who is struggling, start a fundraiser, or perhaps volunteer to tidy a part of the office that everyone avoids.

Smile - Smiling has an amazing impact on your brain. There are muscles on either side of your face that are unique, they send a signal to your brain that you are happy. Hence the saying in call centres, 'Smile before you dial', it changes your attitude and your voice.

Hugging - Careful with this one, appropriate hugs please. Hugging - just like talking, smiling and giving - is part of our socialisation system that we need as humans to bond with each other. We are social creatures and need social bonding to support our emotional selves.

Keep a positive diary - Some experts will say that you should write down things that annoy you across the day so that you can find a pattern of behaviour to avoid those things in the future. In my humble opinion this is the wrong thing to do because we know that writing things down imprints the message in your brain. Why not write down the good things that happen to you across the workday and find the positive pattern so you can do more of what makes you happy.

Set Goals - Setting short and long term goals gives us something to aim for and keeps us focused on what we want to achieve. Personal goals don't necessarily have to be SMART - Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound - they can be as broad as you want them to be. 

Spiritual Practices - I've saved the best for last. In order to keep our brain under control and focus our mind so that we only hear a good voice inside of our head (yes, we all have one), we must totally focus the brain for as many periods across the day as we can. Prayer is good, meditation is good, thinking only about positive thoughts is good, visualisation is also good. For men, in particular, who may have trouble with the aforementioned suggestions, reading action fiction novels has been found to be beneficial for the emotional brain. 

I encourage you to go back over the posts from the last three days, choose just one technique that resonates with you, and concentrate on that. Don't overwhelm your brain with lots of things all at once, your brain is uncomfortable with change and hates surprises. After a week or two, introduce another technique, and so on.

There are lots of things that you can do to help yourself to deal with stress. Know that if you don't start taking control of things within your control, such as your thoughts, you may end up regretting it in the future.

So what have you go to lose except stress… 

More Ways To Manage Stress.

If your job is truly that stressful and it is effecting and affecting you negatively then by all means leave your job. It's just not worth it for your health. However, if you have a job that you enjoy and you don't want to leave yet it is a stressful role, here's some other things that you may want to try;

Make a List - Often we get overwhelmed with work and believe that we are so busy that we can't keep up. As we get busier we tend to move quickly from task to task without any structure. This is associated with our brain jumping from one task to another in its feeble attempt to help us, the result being that you jump from task to task. STOP, write a list of tasks, then prioritise these according to importance and work your way methodically through the list. To gain faster control, prioritise your list from the easiest to the hardest which will give you momentum - always pick the low hanging fruit first...

Stop Every Hour - Take 10 minutes every hour away from your work to recuperate and rejuvenate.

Control Your Breathing - As we get under pressure we tend to hunch over and our breathing becomes faster and shallower, we don't get enough air into our lungs to provide that much needed oxygen to our brain. Sit up straight and take long slow controlled breaths as you work.

Ask For Help - If you are like me, you want to do everything yourself and if you are struggling with a problem you want to work it out yourself. Ask for help, delegate work if you can, look for a mentor, or find a more efficient way of doing it.

Imitate Others - Look around you, is there someone you look up to or who seems to be handling the pressure better than you? Examine what they are doing, or better still ask them, and follow their example.

Accept Change - Change is here to stay so get familiar with it. As we struggle to get our head around change we may try to resist it. When you resist the inevitable it plays on your mind and makes things seem worse than they actually are. ‘Resistance is futile’ as the saying goes. Get on board with change, find out what it is and use it as much as you can.

Don't Procrastinate - In a similar way to resisting change, procrastination adds to your bucket of stress by playing on your mind. It niggles at you and reminds you that you have to do it eventually. Do it now or put it on your list and do it as soon as you get to it.

Laugh A Lot - Laughter is the best medicine, the research is overwhelming on this. Be around happy people, read humorous books, or simply smile as much as you can.

These are just some of the little things that you can do to reduce stress in your workday. Most importantly, stop 'thinking' that you are stressed, you aren't. You are just busy and under pressure. No one can make you stressed, they can only try to. More on this tomorrow.