Personal Resilience - Or Is It Personal?

As those who follow me will know, I consult and coach on communications and on personal resilience. The communication part is where I show a variety of ways of communicating with others in a variety of difficult and challenging situations. Deescalating the angry, engaging with the sad, halting the swearers, etc.

 The personal resilience aspect is about keeping yourself well so that you can do your job well. If you have a difficult time at work, and for a lot of us it is in challenging communications, then you will be impacted by that negative encounter therefore it is very important to look after yourself. To look after your well-being, to look after your brain. 

Having been involved in this work for nearly 10 years, anecdotal evidence suggests that the main cause of a person's mental decline is their work. A bold statement but one that I stand by until I am proved wrong. 

Of the 16 hours that we spend awake, 11 of those involve work - preparing to go to work, travelling to work, at work, and travelling back home after work. Of the 5 waking hours remaining, perhaps 2 or 3 of those hours will be spent with family and friends, or doing what we like to do to relax. That's a lot of time working or thinking about work. And, I haven't factored in the time spent clearing emails just before bedtime. 

 For five days a week the majority of our time is spent around our work. And this impacts negatively on our 'brain' health. Work scratches away at our armour, it weakens it. Then something happens in our personal life which pierces the weakened armour and we may quickly become unwell. The sad thing about this is that I still hear some employers saying that the decline has nothing to do with work as it was a personal issue in the employee’s private life. Really?

For me, personal resilience is global, it’s holistic. And work plays a significant part in your well-being or decline thereof. I once heard a senior executive say that there is no health and safety issue in a call centre because there is nothing to fall off or trip over. Everyone laughed except me. What about the mental health and safety issues? What is worse, actually tripping over a power cable left on the floor or the worry that you will trip over it? The latter of course. 

There is no doubt that you can remain resilient, or buoyant as I prefer to say, if you look after yourself adequately. However, employers and managers also play an important part. They set the example for their team and are in a position to help their staff to cope with their work by managing the workloads, giving time out, rewarding for good work, and the many other things t support personal resilience. 

That's why personal resilience isn't personal, perhaps I should now use the term resiliency.

Getting Over Sunday Blues To Eliminate Mondayitis.

For those who sit at home on a Sunday night, and it often occurs between 8 and 8:30pm, realising that the weekend has disappeared and that it is work tomorrow, here are a couple of things you might want to try to stop this negative thought.

Although it's too late for this Sunday, start writing down one good thing that happens at work each day. Then, on a Sunday night just before your blues set in, read what you have written in your 'positives' journal. You will recall the positives thus mitigating the negatives.

If that doesn't work for you, try setting yourself goals for each day of the coming week. What is it that you want to achieve on each day and how are you going to achieve it? Or perhaps you could look forward to something positive occurring each day. The problem with this last strategy is that if your positive event doesn’t eventuate you may be disappointed.

It is all about focusing on the positive to change the negative. Part of negative thoughts, just like worry, is a habit. Half of it is anyway. By focussing only on the good things you can change your thoughts thus your emotions. 

Eliminate Mandayitis by changing the Sunday blues. 

Concept Creep, Is It Relevant?

I listened to a radio interview yesterday discussing the relevancy of concept creep in today's workplace, in particular relating to bullying. It was suggested, and to an extent I agree, that on occasion we might think that we are being bullied because of a single event and thus ‘feel’ aggrieved. Concept creep has arisen because of many factors including societal changes and heightened awareness.

I am certain that concept creep is genuine however should that really be relevant when considering an issue such as workplace bullying or how a person reacts to an event? In my opinion, no. Why, because if we start dismissing issues simply because we believe it is due to concept creep or that ‘it happens to everyone’ then that is likely to influence our subsequent actions. Hence, we may not conduct a proper investigation into a complaint of bullying or ignore a cry for help simply because we attribute concept creep as the reason for it.

For example, as a supervisor you might make a flippant comment about an employee's performance and give them the nickname of 'speedy' because they are slower than others. While that might seem an innocuous comment to some, maybe even humorous to others, it is devaluing the employee and possibly causing unnecessary angst to the recipient, the harm of which may never be known.

Because we are all different, what one person immediately dismisses may cause irreparable damage to another. Examples of this can be seen time and again in everyday life. As a Baby Boomer, if I was struggling with an emotional event my parents would reassure me that “I will get through this”, and to “get up and move on”. We know today that this type of comment can in fact have the opposite effect.

In my humble opinion, something said by another, no matter how insignificant it might seem, must be taken seriously. Those who say that others need to “harden up”, “to take a concrete pill”, or “lighten up a bit” should take time to reflect before saying something that may cause harm to another.

Concept creep may be a real phenomenon, but so what. Awareness isn't a bad thing is it?

Materialism - Does It Make You Happy?

Materialism in this context is the concern for possessions or for material wealth and the physical comfort it brings. Can buying and possessing material items make us happier?

I have often heard quoted that shopping makes you happy and if you are feeling a little down then you should go out and buy something. I have also read that when people can afford more the necessities of life then they have a significantly happier life.

Recent studies have shown that buying 'things' can in fact make you happier. However, before you buy that Ferrari or Cartier item, there is a cautionary note. Buying experiences have a longer lasting benefit to your wellness than a material item. Why - because material items become old and lose their immediate appeal very quickly whereas experiences such as a holiday a long remembered. (As an aside, it has been found that memories of holidays distort over time so we only tend to only recall the happiest parts if the holiday was a bad one.)

Additionally, numerous studies have shown that buying something for someone else makes us much happier than spending money on ourselves. Again, this seems counter-intuitive. 

The common link is sociability - or as I like to refer to as socialisation. When we spend money on an experience it is more often than not that we are spending it with another person, we are sharing the experience. When we give to another we are again sharing the experience. 

It is then perhaps not so surprising that you don't actually have to give money to receive the benefits of giving. And, more importantly, you don't have to do it every day apparently. Doing something nice for someone else - helping a friend out, giving blood, or volunteering for a not-for-profit are all ways to gain greater long-lasting happiness than buying a material item for yourself.

I still enjoy my material items and I am not for a moment suggesting you shouldn’t shop to make yourself happy. By all means if it works, do it. Just know that buying an experience has greater benefit for your emotional situation.

Lastly, a simple act of kindness to another will make you happier for longer and is something that you will probably never forget.

Food and Sleep - Is There A Connection?

We know that what we eat has an impact on our body - sugar is the new ‘fat’ to avoid - and that if we eat spicy foods there is a chance that we will suffer heartburn from reflux when we lay down to rest. But does food have an impact on our sleep patterns?

I laud the benefit of eating a small piece of solid protein immediately prior to bedtime to stop you waking at 3 to 4am and feeling worried. It works for most of those I know who now do this, research says it works for 80 to 90% of people. Cheese (crazy dreams), egg, chicken, etc. all contain tryptophan which assists with sleep.

We also know that if you eat too much food just before bedtime you will have difficulty in getting to sleep as the stomach works overtime to digest the energy before you can get to sleep. This has to do with the production of insulin which is produced in the pancreas to help break down carbohydrates and fats and enables glucose to move from the bloodstream to cells throughout the body. Glucose is of course a sugar.

Our circadian rhythm works on timing - our most common natural sleep pattern is from 11pm to 7am and is mostly due to light and darkness. This rhythm is also partly affected by when we eat.  

A 2013 study at Yale University found that eating two meals per day may be most beneficial for the synchronization of our biological clocks. The study suggested that those who wake up early in the morning, eating breakfast and lunch and skipping dinner is best for the circadian rhythm synchronisation. Night owls should eat lunch and dinner as their two meals. But eating just two meals isn’t good for our weight control.

The key to all of this secondary circadian rhythm is inside the liver, the lipid levels. (It's about now in my research that my eyes glazed over and I wanted to go to sleep so I quickly moved on).

So that I don't lose the message I am trying to make, the bottom line is that we should try to get most of our calories earlier in the day, and have lighter, earlier evening meals when possible in order to get a better sleep and to avoid putting on weight. 

You should try to eat no later than four hours before you go to bed, except for that little snack of protein of course. This gives your body plenty of time to digest the food and gain the benefits of the diet/sleep patterns. Coincidentally, or maybe not, this is usually the same time as the sun goes down. Have you noticed how you start to get tired about four hours after dusk?

So what to eat. The worst foods to eat at night are those heavy in fat and carbohydrates as well as processed foods. The best foods to eat at night are walnuts, almonds, lettuce, tuna, cheese, rice, kale, shrimps, crayfish, humus, honey and cherries.

That sounds like a pretty good salad to me if you throw in a little chicken.