Sorry, It Slipped My Mind

While researching for a new program I am developing, I came across some interesting facts and figures that I hope you also find helpful. Or at the very least might explain why we all forget things so quickly.

·        For better memory retention we have to be really interested in the topic. In a coaching session, attention spans vary from 2 to 10 minutes maximum. Therefore, coaches and trainers must vary what they say and do at least every 10 minutes.

·        Engaging the amygdala, the emotional response part of our brain, will greatly boost memory. Playing music, smelling favourable smells, or having a visual stimulus engages the amygdala.

·        To better recall that memory, you need to have the same stimuli involved that you had when you were learning. (Children may indeed learn more with music playing softly in the background but they must have that same music playing to recall the facts, music isn’t allowed come exam time.)

·        The brain cannot multi-task, sorry ladies. What it can do though, and women are definitely better at it than men, is have three things present in the mind which makes us think that we can multi-task. In fact, all of us can only truly focus on one thing at one time.

·        Most people forget 90 per cent of what they learn in a classroom within 30 days. The majority of information is lost within the first few hours. (Now I don't feel so bad, I thought I was just stupid.) To retain information, you must go back over it a few times in the following hours and days.

·        A typical brain can hold seven new pieces of information for about 30 seconds. If it is not accessed or used in some way within that 30 seconds, it will be lost.

·         At first, a memory remains flexible and subject to changing. Hence, if you have a bad experience you should seek help to allow you to change the memory - or reframe it. (Emergency personnel use black humour to do this.)

·        Your brain will change information and insert false information to organise your memory into patterns. Essentially, it makes things up or adds information from somewhere else if the pattern doesn't work adequately for your brain to assimilate.

·        Long-term memory is held in the hippocampus - our hard drive - for about 11 years and then it goes to another part of the brain. (I thought it fell out onto my pillow when I slept.)

Why is all of this important for me, apart from explaining why I can never find something when I don't put it where it should be, to genuinely learn there needs to be stimulation, early use of the new information and continuous reinforcement.

Pride Versus Vanity

Pondering, as you do when you are about to go to the dentist for root canal surgery, on the difference between pride and vanity when it comes to our physical appearance. Are they different and are they acceptable.

Most of us like to look great, don't we? And most of us try to stay fit and healthy. When we are going to a wedding, funeral or formal event we like to look our best. Societal expectations, right or wrong, are that we should dress for the occasion. Shorts and singlet will not suffice at formal events no matter where they are held.

The appearance that I am pondering more on is our physical appearance. No matter what we may look like physically, there are usually parts of us that we might like to change if we had the opportunity to do so. Just to make us look that little bit better.

Perhaps a haircut, nails polished, teeth whitened, a wrinkle or two removed, maybe a bit of surgery to remove unwanted fat deposits around the waistline. Is that pride or is it vanity? In my humble opinion, it is pride. Pride is what we feel about ourselves.

Don't get me wrong, I am certain that the majority of us are comfortable with the way that we look. But doesn't it make us feel much better when we do something to enhance our appearance? We look better, feel better, and because of that our mood lifts and we behave better. It is good for our wellbeing.

So, it is okay to take pride in your appearance. Vanity on the other hand is when we obsess about our appearance so much so that it overwhelms us and takes control of our life. You strive to change everything about your looks for the benefit of others.

Is vanity wrong? Again in my humble opinion, no it isn't. Why you might ask. Because each of us is different. What I want, need and feel is probably different to what you want, need and feel. Who are we to judge others simply because we disagree with another's wants, needs, and feelings.  

Be proud of who you are and what you look like. If you wish to, do some things that enhance your appearance that will make you feel great and help you to look at your best. If you want to keep going, do so provided it makes you feel better. Don't let others judge you for doing so, we are all different.

What I learned From My Father

The last in this series of 'What I Learned', here is what I learned from my father. He was a man of few words and raised us how he thought would give us the greatest opportunity in life;

·       "Finish your homework before going out to play" - It is important to get your priorities right. Do the things that you have to do before relaxing, that way you are prepared for the next day and you will be more relaxed.

·       “I told you to help your mother” – Helping others should always be a high priority. Altruism is a reward in itself.

·       “Stop mucking about and get it done” – Procrastination plays on your mind, if you start something make sure that you finish it, and importantly don’t waste your energy on worry or other frivolous things.

·       “Be home by dark” – Timeframes help us set boundaries but timeframes should also be flexible so that you don’t place yourself under pressure.

·       “I told you not to do that and you ignored me” – Often we ignore advice from others because we think that we know best. If you did what you did for the right reasons, then no one has the right to judge you for doing it your own way.

·       “I have to punish you for this” – Every action in life has a consequence, if you get it wrong then there will always be repercussions.  

·       “This is going to hurt me more than it is you” – We sometimes have to hurt the ones that we love for their benefit. If you do have to hurt someone, explaining why will help them to understand and will lessen your pain. Communication is one of life’s most important needs.

·        “Why do you keep doing dumb things?” – Mistakes are made so that we can learn. Sometimes we keep making the same mistakes, that’s because we haven’t learned the lesson, yet.

·       “If you don’t know what you want to do in life, always get a trade first” – When making a plan always have a fall-back strategy, an exit strategy, a way to modify your original plan. Life is built on a solid foundation.  

·       “As long as you did your best I will always be proud of you” – No one can ask anything more of you than giving it your best, ensure that you always do so and you will be rewarded accordingly.

One thing my father never told me was that he loved me. I know that he did, but because he was never told that himself when he was a child then he didn’t know that it had to be said.

Tell your children that you love them, sometimes things do need to be said.

What I Learned From My Mother

In their own way, our mothers had a huge impact on our future. They probably just didn't realise it at the time how what they said would be translated into our adulthood.

 Here is what my mother used to say to me and my interpretation of what she was teaching me;

·       “Stop being lazy and get out of bed” – Mornings are when we are at our most creative, don’t waste it lying in bed.

·       “Make your damn bed” – starting each day by making your bed puts your head in order, allows you to start the day with a routine, allows you to wake properly, and you have time to think about your day ahead.

·       “Eat all of your breakfast” – breakfast is when you need to take on board energy (carbohydrates) to get you through the period of the day when sugar is at its lowest, to stop those mid-afternoon chocolate cravings.

·       “Brush your teeth” – personal hygiene not only makes you look (and smell) better, it makes you feel good about yourself.

·       “Have you got a clean handkerchief?” – you never know when others may need a shoulder to cry on and you can sit, listen, and offer a handkerchief as a sign of caring.

·       “Don’t waste your pocket money on junk” – spend your money wisely.

·       “Listen to me” – listening is what we should all strive to do before opening our mouth.

·       “Stand still for 5 minutes” – in a busy day stop and smell the roses, listen to the birds, and centre yourself.

·       “Have you done your homework yet?” – To have a restful sleep, write a list of the things you have to do the next day so that you can relax knowing that you have your list ready for tomorrow.

·       “Get to sleep now, or else” – sleep is probably the most important thing that you can do for your wellbeing.

My mother also told me that I had to wear clean underwear in case I was in an accident. I used to think that if I was in an accident I am sure my underwear would be the first thing soiled. What she actually meant was to take pride in you who you are, what you do, and what you stand for.

Listen to your mothers, they are much wiser than you may think.

What I Learned When Policing

After reflecting on my years as a Police Officer, here are ten things that I learned;

1.      Life can change in an instant - for good and for bad.

2.     Decisions you make as a cop can change lives - for better and for worse.

3.     Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people - ultimately bad people have more bad things happen to them than good things because of the way they behave.

4.     It is all about the numbers - not how many arrests you make or how many people driving drunk that you catch. It's about how many lives you save or change for the better.

5.     Cops have to live for the rest of their lives with decisions that they made in a split second.

6.     Cops make mistakes and get it wrong - good cops admit it and work to make it right.

7.     Those who work for police do so because they genuinely want to help others, not because they want a better life for themselves.

8.     Rarely do you see good things when policing and because of that you become cynical which makes you seem hard and uncaring. 

9.     Police officers have emotions – they feel, they fear, and they cry. They just don’t show it on the outside.

10.  Policing damages good people - when they leave the service, every police officer has issues that they must rationalise before moving forward. Some may never rationalise them.

Police officers are only human with human frailties. None set out to offend or to do harm, the opposite is always the case. And they do what they do for you.