I Hate Disruptions

Just as your day is going great, something happens to interrupt it and we go into a spin. The reason, our brain hates surprises. I liken our brain to a computer, if everything works well then our frontal lobe is happy whirring away. If something out of the ordinary happens, the little wheel starts spinning out of control.

Previously, I was one of those people who would let everyone know how I felt about the change in my situation. I would get grumpy and say things that I would later regret. I would then have to apologise which would make me feel worse still.

Through my learnings and study, I have now found that the right way to deal with disruptions is to relax, make a joke about it, and 'go with the flow'. It is still damn annoying when things go wrong but it now doesn't impact on me like it used to.

Here's an example. Yesterday I had a busy day providing workshops in Rotorua and Christchurch, two cities in New Zealand. I managed to get to each venue with minutes to spare and then the country's radar failed. All flights were grounded.

I could have panicked, which I would have done previously. I could have told the airline how much they had inconvenienced my day despite it being no fault of theirs. I could have demanded a refund and hired a car to drive the 6 hours home. I could have done lots of things that would make me look like a fool.

Instead I joked about the situation. "Can't the pilots just look out the windscreen" I quipped. I sat down and completed my emails, planned the next week, wrote another coaching programme and watched a bit of television. There was nothing anyone could do about the situation so why fight it.         

By embracing the situation and using it to my advantage (looking at the positive side of things) I was content and had completed work that I would otherwise had to complete at another time. I went to bed relaxed and slept well knowing that I was on top. I had used a bad situation to my advantage.

I wonder why it took me so long to figure this stuff out. I guess it is called life.

I Want To Be Someone Else

How many times have you thought to yourself, "I wish that I was 'that' person." You see someone on television who is living a dream life, maybe watching a sports professional that you would like to play just as well as, or maybe a business person exceeding in their professional life.

The fact is, while these people may be the best at what they do, they have the same worries as us, the same issues as us, the same worries, and the same fears. Oftentimes their 'issues' are worse than ours.

It is one thing to admire these successful people, it is another to want to be them. When we do this we are telling ourselves that we aren't successful, that we aren't worthy, that we are in fact never going to be successful. And that is rubbish.

You may never be what you wish you could be, and that is just a reality. However, who is to say that you will never be the successful person that you desire to be? Only you, no one else. We all have self-doubt. It is a researched fact that most people do not believe they should be where they are in life and they wait for someone or something to bring them down.

You are where you are because of the road you chose. Or maybe life threw you a curveball. Accept that and look to the future. Don't let your past hold you back, set yourself some goals and keep moving forward. Look to those successful people who have achieved and work to be like them, not actually them.

Also remember, most of them came from the same place as you and I.

What Does It Take To Be Great

You have heard it said that to be great you need a far-off goal, support from others, dogged determination, and to just keep going when things get tough. We look up to those of you have done just that, who have made it, who have had a dream and realised it. So often this person is someone who is very wealthy and/or prominent. We celebrate your success.

But what about those amongst us who are working just as hard, have modest dreams, have support from family and a few friends, are determined to reach their realistic dreams yet are easily swayed to take a different path, and want to succeed but success to them is a modest life-style.

For me, those people are also leaders amongst us. These people are doing wonderful things, working each day to ensure that they can achieve what they set out to do and making a difference in peoples lives along the way.

For me, those people are the ones that we should look to in awe. They are the people just like you who go to work each day, doing your very best that you can, looking after yourself and your family. 

You are the ones who work as hard as you can in support of the people that you work for. You get up each day, travel to work in congested flows, work 8 to 10 hours each day with overtime thrown in if 'they' ask you to, then travel back home in the same congested flows you travelled in earlier that day.

You are the people who keep businesses going. You are the people who complete the often tiresome work for your employer. You are the ones who want your company to succeed. You are the ones who are forgotten about unless you do something wrong, which isn't that often.

For me, you are the leaders that we should also look up to. Thank you for doing what you do each and every day.

Moods - It's All in Your Mind

Apart from those of us who suffer from a diagnosed mental illness, our mood swings originate from our mind - our thoughts. Because of this it is possible to change your mood from negative to positive just by thinking about.

I was sceptical about this assertion just like some of you reading this post. Ha, change my mood by changing my thoughts, rubbish. "Walk a mile in my shoes and see what I have to put up with each day. You have no idea what it's like for me."

I have walked in your shoes and I do have an idea of what it is like for you. I will admit that some of us do have bigger shoes than others, more 'stuff' seems to happen to them than to others. But generally, we all go through times where our mood drops. And some of us drop a lot further than others. Know that the further you drop the harder it is to climb back out so prevention is the key.

For most of us the negative thoughts are in our heads, it's how we think about things. Here's a simple example. I bet that you have been somewhere where you would rather not be - in a boring meeting, stuck in a conversation that you are not enjoying, doing a job that is tiresome or monotonous. You feel low.

And then you think of something happy that is coming up. You suddenly remember that you are meeting with friends later that day, going to a concert, travelling somewhere, or maybe you simply remember that it is Friday. In a split-second your mood lifts. You feel much better and you may even breakout a smile.

So what happened around you to make you feel better? Nothing. There was other influencing factor. Your mood was uplifted by just changing your thoughts. And if you keep thinking these positive thoughts going, your brain will learn to look for more of them. I use to dismiss the saying "Think happy thoughts". Now I don't. 

Positive psychology works on little tricks like this to help your brain. It is intuitive, you just need someone to show you how to switch it on. 

More Brain Help

Sleep, exercise, and socialisation are the three most important things that you can do to maintain your wellbeing. Research tells us that there are some other things that you can do to change your mood when are feeling down. These are not techniques that are common but they work;

1. Hugs - This produces oxytocin (the love drug), lifts mood, increases serotonin, helps the immune system, and lots more.
2. Positives diary - Don't write down the bad things that happened during the day so that you can avoid the situation in the future, write down the good things so that you can remember them and look for more of them.
3. Look for positives in the morning - Your brain is hard-wired to worry and it starts this as soon as you wake up. Immediately look for positive things that are coming up each day.
4. Do the opposite - When we feel down all we want to do is curl into a ball, the foetal position. Stretch out straight and breathe slowly to get the oxygenated blood circulating properly.
5. Use self-talk - Talk to that person inside your head and tell it how good you feel.
6. Fix the small stuff - Small stuff becomes big stuff if you don't do something about it.
7. Procrastination - Leaving something unfinished plays on your mind, get on with it and 'just do it'.
8. Laughter - Watch lots of comedic shows, joke with friends, even smiling will change your mood.
9. Positive people - Hang out with positive people, not those who are always negative, talk disparagingly about others or who spread gossip.
10. Be gentle - To yourself and to others. We all make mistakes, none of us are perfect (sorry about that). Forgive yourself and those around you.