Fix Me Quickly

In today’s busy world we want everything to happen now. Unfortunately when it comes to our wellbeing, it takes time. So, is there a fast way that I can change my emotional state when I am continually feeling down and having negative thoughts? You bet.

It can take up to 80 days to change a habit, this exercise will take just 20 days to change your negative mood into a happier one. Now for the small print - if you are really struggling you need to seek professional help.

The 20-20-20 method is a proven technique that works the quickest of all resiliency techniques. Unfortunately there is a bit of work involved but when you aren't feeling the best I am sure that you will find the time.

• Exercise - 20 minutes of exercise every day. A medium to fast-paced continuous walk is enough to get your blood circulating through your plumbing and filters a few times. The heart rate must rise to get the blood pumping. (Physical component)
• Look Forward - 20 minutes of thinking about happy events that are coming up in your life or of thinking about your 'happy place'. This need not be continuous. Some people place stickers around their house and every time they look at one they stop for a few minutes and think about happy things. (Psychological component)
• Laughter or Smiling - 20 minutes of laughing or smiling creates endorphins. Endorphins affect our brain positively. (Physical and psychological component)

As our brains and bodies are inextricably linked, by combining physical and psychological elements in this exercise you will get a faster result.

That's it, simple. Within 20 days of sticking to this regime you will soon see your mood lift.

Performance Management - Time for a Change?

Don't you hate this time of the year, performance reviews and engagement surveys. There aren't many organisations that don't have them and they can be a real challenge to complete. What would happen if they became enjoyable to conduct?

I was interested in recent research which suggests that focussing on what people should improve upon actually causes their higher skills to deteriorate with little impact on improving what you have asked them to improve upon.

When you think about it, the reason that we are poor in certain areas of our work is because we are either afraid of that area or just useless at it. So why would we want to focus on that? Why would we want to focus on the negative?

The same research also suggests that focussing on the employee's higher skills will lift their weaker areas as a consequence. All you have to do is to indicate that you would like them to lift their skills in the weaker area/s but that they won't be monitored on them.

This motivates the employee, they become excited about their achievements and want to improve their weaknesses as the enthusiasm grows with success in their strong area.

Focussing on the employee's strengths also makes it easier for the supervisor during performance meetings. Praise comes easy, criticism can be difficult. 

Try it, what do you have to lose?

Men Can help Themselves

Men are over-represented in depression by about 2 to 1. I have a view on why it is that men get unwell (brain sickness). I believe it's because we are tough (stupid).

When women have a problem they talk to their friends, when men have a problem they talk to themselves. When women want someone to listen to them they find a close friend and ask for their opinion (no point talking to a man because he will go straight to problem solving), when men want someone to listen to them they listen to themselves.

If women get sick they go to the doctor, us men 'work through' the sickness because we can. If we are really concerned about our sickness we will put pressure on ourselves to see if we are actually sick. When men get an injury, we will go for a run or to the gym to see if we are in fact injured. Usually we are and will make it worse!

When women meet up with friends they talk about their problems, their pleasures, their family, their work, and a whole heap of other stuff. When men meet they talk about work and sport.

I wonder what would happen if men started following what women do? Don't be silly, we do okay by ourselves.

Time to Refocus

Sometimes we just need to start again, to refocus. I have reached that time. Like so many of us we are stuck in the past, perhaps stuck in the present, or stuck by always thinking about the future and not living in the moment.

When we get stuck like this there are consequences, both good and bad. The good thing is that our brain is now focused on one area and will get comfortable in that spot so we will also feel comfortable. Our brain doesn't like surprises, it hates change, it just wants to be comfortable. And that's also the bad thing, we are stuck there.

I am not a psychologist but I have spoken to many people who are in the mire and unwell. They get to a point where, although they are unwell, they are 'comfortable' being unwell. Ask them and they will say that they want to get better but their brain is telling them that to change is too scary. Their brain won't want them to change because it knows that at the moment each day is the same. To refocus will only add to being unwell, that’s what the brain is telling them.

This is when we need to refocus, to take back control of our brain. We need to take steps to ignore our brain and move forward from wherever we are stuck. How do you do it, you trick your brain into believing that refocussing is exciting rather than frightening. It is you who controls your thoughts, not your brain. Your brain reacts to your thoughts. (A bit simplistic but I am sure that you know what I mean).

Sit down and think about what you want to change, what part of your life you want to refocus on. Writing it out helps put the thought of change into your subconscious which will help kick-start your brain. Then list only the good points about why you need to refocus and what are the benefits of refocussing. You don't need to list the negatives, your brain will be reminding you of those soon enough.

Then take small steps towards the change. It is going to be hard, your brain will want you to stay where you are but ignore what it is telling you. Each day when you wake up look at your steps, smile as you read them, and do something towards your change. Keep doing this day after day, week after week, etc. Your brain will soon learn who is in control, you are. Be brave and refocus. The benefits are endless.

For me, I am going to refocus my business. I was afraid to start one, afraid to continue in case I failed, and afraid to get too busy. Not anymore. Today I start working harder, meeting as many people as I can and getting busier. Look out world because I am coming, closely followed by my brain! 

Let's Stick Together

I have been reading with interest the latest research on the benefits of socialisation. I have been banging on that socialisation is one of the three most important things that you can do to keep yourself well. Nice to have it reconfirmed.

When I am looking at what does and doesn't work to keep us well for my resilience programmes, I firstly look at myself and see if it would work for me. When I was unwell I noticed that I didn't want to talk to anyone, I wanted to hide myself away. When your brain is unwell it tells you crazy stuff so you should generally do the opposite of what it says.

The next thing I do is look at how I feel when I do what 'they' say that I should do to stay well. Whenever I talk to my friends (yes, I have a couple) I come away feeling relaxed, satisfied, even energised. I am no longer surprised at how we are all the same no matter our race, religion, culture or belief. We feel the same things. 

Next I listen to what the experts have to say, in this case it is the psychologists. And all of them say that we need to get out and talk more, to meet new people, to talk with others at every opportunity. And not just talk, to share, to listen, to reflect.

Then I look at what research tells us. Why I leave this aspect until the very last is beyond me. My brain is an idiot. Having recently attended a positive psychology conference I found myself sitting in front of a researcher. I know, not what I was expecting either, I was supposed to go to the session on group dynamics. I was pleased that I didn't.

This man was fascinating despite the statistics which always make my eyes glaze over. He spoke about how he always kept an open mind about psychology and how he focussed solely on the results. And his recent research proved to him that socialisation was one of the most important things that we can do to change our mood.

Finally, I look at what we as humans did in the early years. We can learn a lot from evolution. In the early times there were no phones, emails, television, radio, or any of the distractions of today. We (not actually us, humans) sat around a fire and talked to each other. Or maybe just grunted, who knows. The fact is that socialisation was the only way that we could pass on messages. 

There you have it, from Lance to academia to evolution. (You can throw the Lance bit out, what would he know). All agree that socialisation is hugely beneficial for us. Test it for yourself. The next time you are feeling under the weather go and talk with someone then note how you are feeling afterwards. Much better I am sure, provided you spoke with the right person of course. 

Let's stick together and talk.