I Understand!

How often have you heard someone say to you "I understand"?  Perhaps you are someone who uses this as a way to establish a rapport with another.  Unfortunately this short phrase has the opposite effect, it destroys rapport.

Each of us is very different - we see, feel, hear, and process things in varying ways.  This is due to our thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, emotional awareness, adaptability, etc., etc.  Additionally, we never know what else is influencing the person we are speaking with.  Our personal life has a direct impact on our emotions and again for each of us this is different.

Try to avoid using this phrase, instead replace it with an open question to allow the other person to explain how they are feeling and what they are going through.  "How are you coping", "that must be hard for you", and "I'm listening" are all valuable replacements to "I understand".    

Think Before You Speak

How many times have you said something only to regret it later?  Why did that last conversation go so badly?  How did we end up shouting at each other?  The answer is our negative emotions.  Those pesky things that generate adrenaline in case we have to fight or flee. 

The next time that you can feel your negative emotions welling up inside, hold back on saying the first thing that comes into your head.  Take a long, deep, slow (silent) breath to give your brain the chance to engage before your mouth starts operating.  This will allow blood to flow into your brain, will slow the conversation down, will place a lid on your negative emotions, and will allow you the time to reflect on what you are about to say.

If you have said something that you later regret and are feeling bad about it, be the first to say sorry.  Don't us the word 'apologise' because that is insincere.  Say you are sorry and mean it.  You will feel much better and have probably made a good friend from the negative encounter.

Let's Stay in our Comfort Zone

Sometimes when we are faced with a new challenge, it is so easy to say no and remain in our comfort zone.  "Why do I need the extra pressure in my life", "I don't need this right now", or "I am just too busy".  We all think this way.  I recall a few years ago when I was about to give evidence in the Coroner's Court and I was absolutely beside myself with nerves.  I spoke to the late Mate Frankovich, the presiding Coroner, about my predicament.  Mate in his measured style said, the day we don't get nervous about something is the day we must stop what we are doing.

Yes, we could stay in our comfort zone.  However I have found that pushing ourselves into new challenges provides greater rewards than we could ever imagine.  If you were to ask the top business leaders, key note speakers, professionals, or anyone that has started their own company, I am willing to bet that they all went outside of their personal comfort zone.

The next time you are asked to undertake something that pushes you outside of your comfort level, take the challenge and just do it to use a well known phrase.  Ignore the self-doubt that will inevitably creep in, you will surprise yourself at how well you can do.  The sense of achievement will lift your self-confidence and you will soon be looking for the next challenge.

Patience - Just get on With It!

In this age of advancing technology, our lives have become much busier.  Previously, sending a memo to a co-worker took at least a day if they worked in the same building, at least two days if they worked elsewhere.  In a previous job I had, sending a memo was a great way of managing my workload when I had too much work open.  Send the file away with a question attached and you wouldn't get it back for at least two weeks, even longer if the person was away from the office.

Today we have emails, text messages, Instagram, FaceBook, Twitter, etc., etc.  We can send an entire file to a million people with the single click of a button and expect a reply back before the end of the day.  You can sit in your lounge watching a live sporting event in another country while shopping on the internet and chatting to friends on Facebook, all simultaneously while others in the room are doing the same. 

Apart from losing the art of communication, we have become impatient.  When I send a text message and don't get an immediate response I think "how rude are they".  If I don't get a reply to an e-mail by the end of the day I wonder if the email was sent correctly.  I worry when I am away from my computer if I get a message and don't respond in a timely manner as the sender might think that I am disinterested.

I have learned very recently that I need to show some patience, to slow things down, take a deep breath.  There is always a valid reason why a text message wasn't returned - their phone was flat, they were in a different part of the house to their phone, it was on silent.  We have so many emails that it takes time to get to them all.  Some times we have to contact other people before replying.

Technology is fantastic and has definitely improved our lives in some areas.  We just need to take back some control and get to these things when we can. 

Bills, Bills, and More Bills

Something that I used to find had a continual negative impact on me was the amount and frequency that we seem to receive bills requiring payment.  You know the ones, power, phone, rates, services, credit card, etc.  Even worse are those bills that have a penalty attached for non-payment by a certain date.

Apart from living like a hermit without the necessities of life, like death and taxes bills are one of the certainties of life.  So how do we reduce the tension around receiving them?  The first thing is to look at each bill and see if there are any savings to be made.  Can you cut down on the service, link two or three of them together to get an additional saving (power & gas for example), or can you do without the service altogether.  This will help your stress levels knowing that at least you are getting the best deal available.

The second thing to do is to have your payments paid automatically from your bank account.  Several things happen when you set up an automatic payment - you will normally get a discount from the service provider, you don't get pesky bills posted into your letter box, there is no need to worry about when the bill needs to be paid by, and you won't accrue penalty fees for non-payment.

All you have to do once you have completed the two tasks above is to watch one account, your bank account.  All the payments are listed in one place which will also allow you to better understand your spending.  The only worry then I guess is keeping the money coming in to your account to pay the bills!