How to Win in Negotiations.

When two parties cannot find an immediate way forward on a decision that requires mutual agreement, they enter negotiations.  Generally, the parties go back and forth until a resolution is finalised which is somewhere near half-way of what each wanted.  Both parties are happy (or as good as it is going to get) and they move forward.  This is often termed a win-win agreement.

Crisis negotiations are no different.  When confronted with a barricaded criminal, a mentally impaired person or someone who is suicidal, a crisis negotiator will ask what the person is trying to achieve and why.  Once known, the negotiator will then find a mid-way point to work towards. 

To benefit the most from negotiations, one party must have some leverage or 'power' over the other which is termed bargaining power.  In crisis negotiations, which is undertaken by law enforcement personnel, the leverage is freedom.  Their tactic is to cordon, contain, and voice appeal.  During the negotiation the officer will work on a way forward by using reason, rationale, and the fact that the other party is contained and can't go anywhere until the event is resolved.

In civil negotiations, this is not the case.  Both parties are free to leave, free to say no, free to stand their ground.  So how do you come to an agreement?  By seeing things from the other party's perspective.  This will show you what is important to them and you can work on this aspect.  It may be something as simple as the need to save face, to appear to be the winner.  It could be something so personal that they are ready to forgo other requests. 

In your next negotiation, see things from the other party's perspective first and and work on that when you reach an impasse.  You will soon have a win. 

Should I Exercise?

I have just got back from a run and wondered, should I exercise?  My knees hurt, my muscles ache, I am out of breath.  Is exercise really that good for me or should I listen to others who say "we are only given a certain number of breaths so don't waste them exercising".  I do note that those who say this are usually overweight!

There is no doubt that we do need to exercise, science has proven this.  One thing that I have found with exercise, particularly running or cycling, is that it clears the mind and allows me to concentrate on things other than work.  Furthermore, a good way to find an answer to a problem that you are struggling with is to go for a walk and don't think about your problem.  Chances are you will have an answer by the time you have finished walking.

Exercise gets your heart pumping oxygenated blood to all parts of your body and in particular, to your brain.  This allows the brain to work better.  Exercise also produces endorphins, the natural 'feel good' drug. 

Exercise need be no more than a 30 minute walk each day.  If sweating in the gym is your thing, great.  Just ensure that you are doing an exercise that you enjoy, that way it doesn't seem like such a chore.

Why do we Worry

Worry is related to fear and was important for self-preservation in early times and linked to our freeze, fight, or flight response to danger.  We had to be alert to survive.  Over time, while it is still necessary to have this alertness, it is not as important as it was for earlier life or death situations.  Unfortunately we forgot to tell our brain that!  The legacy remains with us.

Your brain is still wired in that early survival mode therefore 'it' will think negative thoughts (refer my previous blog).  I read somewhere that 90% of what we fear never eventuates and what does eventuate is not nearly as bad as we thought would occur.  I also read that over 90% of stats are made up, including this one.

What I can accurately say is that worry is unhelpful and if we let it get on top of us will make life very miserable.  Don't worry.  Easy for me to say who worries that the sun won't rise each day.  Perhaps it is better to say, try not to worry too much.  Put things into perspective, what is the very worst that can happen and is it actually a real possibility.  Doubtful I am sure.

Blame your brain when when your worst fears don't come to fruition. 

Emotions - How to keep them under control

Why do we get so angry when we someone says something that we disagree with yet dismiss something else they have said that may have been equally as hurtful?  Why are we often stuck for words when we become angry?  Why do we say hurtful things which we immediately regret?  Emotions are the reason.

Emotions are what sets us apart as humans.  They allow us to connect, allow us to read a situation.  Emotions can be just as destructive as they can be rewarding.  Even the most hardened criminal has emotions unless of course they are psychotic.  In that case they were born with emotions and unfortunately lost them through ill-treatment during their upbringing.

During the day, we ride the roller coaster of emotions, from the excited highs to the desperate lows.  So how do we keep emotions under check?  How do we avoid saying something that we later regret. Positive emotions are what we need the most of to keep positive thoughts feeding into our brains.  Our brains are wired to think negative thoughts therefore positive emotions allow us to re-wire the brain to stop focusing on the destructive negative thoughts.

Whenever you are in a situation where negative emotions are running high, control them by taking a long slow deep breath.  Avoid saying the first thing that comes into your head, think about what you are going to say while taking the deep breath.  If this doesn't work, change your position by either stepping sideways, standing tall, or moving in some way to distract your brain for a split second to avoid the neurons heading to the negative side of the brain.

So How do I Get Over Negative Events Quickly

The most effective method of overcoming disappointments or negative events is to concentrate on the positive aspects of what occurred and not dwell on the negative factors.  In simple terms, the longer we focus on something - either positive or negative - the more our brain becomes programmed to think about a particular thought because our neurons link together to form a 'thought highway'.  So, the faster you dismiss the negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones, the less emotional impact a negative event has on us.  Remember, you control your brain and not the opposite.