Why is emotional intelligence and empathy critical in a world of increased anger and violence?
Simply, to reduce the amount of anger and aggression that is currently getting out of control and causing harm.
Most of us have heard of emotional intelligence, otherwise known as EQ. EQ is not about understanding the emotions of the other person, it is about understanding you!
The definition of emotional intelligence is the ability to be aware of, to control, and to express our own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress.
The second part of the definition of emotional intelligence is to manage interpersonal relationships with empathy.
Often, disgruntled customers are unaware of how to express their own emotions in positive ways, hence the current increase in anger and aggression, we get triggered and react too fast.
It is not that the customer doesn’t understand emotional intelligence, they just lack the ability to engage EQ because they have been triggered.
Hurting people, hurt people. They are venting.
It was once said that empathy is seeing it from someone else’s position or standing in their shoes. This is unhelpful as each of us reacts differently in the same situation.
If we are dealing with someone who is venting, empathy is used by acknowledging what they have said OR the situation they find themselves in.
It is also known as validation -
'I see your point.'
'I hear what you are saying.'
'I get what you are saying.'
Or, my preferred phrase, 'Let’s see what’s happened.'
What about if we are the customer who is caught in the trap of venting first and thinking later?
There are five steps to manage our emotions in a positive way when we are triggered that we can also learn from:
1. Being self-aware of our triggers – we feel the anger rise.
2. Calm ourselves immediately – breathe out slowly.
3. Focus on seeking a solution – it is not always what the person in front of us has done, it is more often the situation that caused our trigger.
4. Using positive language – focus on how the situation can be fixed rather than reacting to our feelings.
5. Expressing gratitude – a simple yet genuine ‘thank you’ and an apology if we inadvertently said something unprofessional.
If we want to gain control over this current escalation in anger, aggression and violence, we all must play our part.
Let’s talk!
Emotional Intelligence