Guilt is one of many emotions that help us and make us human. Emotions help us:
Survive: Emotions like fear and anger have evolved to help us respond to threats and challenges.
Decision Making: Emotions help us evaluate situations quickly and make choices that align with our values and needs.
Communication: Emotions help us express our feelings and understand others, fostering social connections and empathy.
Motivation: Emotions drive us to act.
Learning and Memory: Strong emotions can enhance our attention and memory.
Overall Well-being: Emotions contribute to our overall mental and physical health.
I like to think of guilt as a boundary which guides us to stay within our lane of values. If we stray outside of our lane of values, then guilt will steer us back on track.
Guilt is termed an adaptive emotion that involves responding to emotions in ways that are beneficial and constructive.
Shame and guilt often go hand in hand and we can confuse one for the other.
Shame is termed a maladaptive emotion. It makes us feel bad about ourselves and can be destructive.
Although shame and guilt seem similar, they are very different. Guilt is concerned with the negative evaluation of a specific behaviour violating our moral standards, resulting in a desire to confess, apologise and/or make amends.
Shame relates to the negative evaluation of ourselves, causing a desire to vanish, escape or strike back. In short, guilt is concerned with what you did (the act) whereas shame is concerned with self-esteem and making you feel unworthy (the repercussions).
Overcoming feelings of guilt can be damn hard, but there are several strategies that can help:
Acknowledge Your Guilt: Recognise and accept your feelings of guilt instead of ignoring them. Our brain holds onto what we push away so sit with the feelings.
Understand the Source: Reflect on what caused your guilt. Ask yourself "Did I really do something wrong, or am I just perceiving I did wrong based on my imposed benchmark?"
Make Amends: If possible, take steps to rectify the situation. Apologising or making amends can help alleviate feelings of provided it does not hurt others when doing so.
Learn from the Experience: Use your guilt as a learning opportunity, make a self-declaration to never do it again.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Everyone makes mistakes, that does not define who we are.
Seek Support: Talk to someone you trust about your feelings. Sometimes, sharing your thoughts can provide relief and new perspectives.
Consider Professional Help: If your guilt is overwhelming or persistent, it might be helpful to talk to a mental health professional.
It is important to address guilt in a positive way to prevent it from negatively impacting your emotional wellbeing.
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