Mind Reading, catastrophising, self-blaming - do you find yourself struggling with any of these?
1) Reading minds - How often have you walked by someone and greeted them with a smile only to have them be short with you, or perhaps give you a funny look? Immediately you start to think "What have I done wrong?"
Most often, you haven't done anything wrong and, most often, the other person has something on their mind that is unrelated to you.
If this happens to you, ask the person if they are okay. That way you will know if it was something that you did or said that has offended them, you have clarified what is going on, and you may just have helped the other person.
2) Catastrophising - You are planning a trip, heading to an interview, or just going to the shops. Next thing you find yourself searching for everything that could go wrong - what if the plane is delayed, what if I say the wrong thing, what if it rains - all of which may or may not happen. Perhaps you have heard that your boss wants to speak to you about something that you did wrong, and you begin to look for everything that you ever did wrong. You meet with your boss, and it turns out you did nothing wrong at all, the message was incorrectly passed to you.
Most of us are wired to think the worst of everything, it is done so to keep us safe.
To stop this, bring yourself back to the moment and deal with what is front of you. By all means, think about what might go wrong so that you have an alternate plan - but if you're going to think about what could go wrong, also allow yourself to think about what could go right.
3) Self-blaming - Something goes wrong and your immediate thought is that you made a mistake, that you should or shouldn't have done something, and that if only you had done something different then this wouldn't have happened.
If you have done something wrong, own it, fix it, and move on. As is often the case 'it's not all about you' so stop blaming yourself. If it involves another person, you could always ask them. Ask, don't assume.
Let's talk!
So much Self-Talk!