When we are going through a bad patch, when we have been hit with one of life's challenges, we are in pain. Emotional pain!
As we struggle with the problem our brain runs on self-survival mode. We begin to overthink, we begin to catastrophise, and we begin to feel less of ourselves. And that hurts us.
Everything seems insurmountable with just the smallest additional problem adding fuel to the fire that rages inside of us.
Emotional pain can be triggered by sadness, anger, anxiety, shame and guilt. Emotional pain often results in unhealthy coping mechanisms such as increased alcohol or substance use, compulsive behaviour, change in diet and aggression or violence.
When in a bad place we may lash out at others, and often it is those closest to us that bear the brunt of our hurtful reaction.
Because we are hurting does not justify our hurting others, it is however a reason.
We are told that exercise, socialisation, sleep, reading, writing, and any number of other strategies help us to overcome emotional pain.
There is another way that has a deep more meaningful effect on you and on others. It is known as the kindness ripple effect from altruism.
Altruism is the selfless concern for the well-being of others without care of one's own interests. In other words, doing something positive for someone else without expecting a reward. However, we always do receive a reward.
Decades of research have shown that we benefit when we do something for someone else - oxytocin is produced as part of social bonding connecting us with others, it boosts our self-esteem and self-worth, it enhances our well-being, it facilitates post-traumatic growth and improves physical health by reducing stress and lowering blood pressure.
A study conducted in 2018 concluded that performing small acts of kindness for seven days increases happiness with a positive correlation between the number of kind acts and to increased happiness. Karl Jung knew this back in the 1800’s.
Yet it is wider than what he might have envisaged. Altruism has been shown to have an ongoing effect not just for you and the recipient of your act but for the wider community.
A 2020 study concluded that when someone sees another person doing an act of kindness, they are more likely to do so themselves. This effect is tripled over time!
When feeling hurt, do a small act of kindness for someone – smile, thank them, offer food or clothing, spend time with a friend, write a letter of thanks, hug someone you love, or hold a door open for someone.
If none of these suggestions rock your boat, simply remain silent and say nothing when it feels like someone is hurting you. They might just be hurting you because you are hurting them.
We can change our unwanted behaviour; we just have to be aware of what that unwanted behaviour is and how it affects those around us.
Hurting people hurt people, it is not an excuse it is a reason. And that reason is yours to own.
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Hurting People, Hurt People!