In times when a friend tells you some sad news, for many of us, our first response is to say how sorry we are.
The downside of using the word sorry is that your brain can register it as something meaningful to you, and that plays on your mind. I bet that when you have said sorry to someone you would have thought about the situation later in the day. Why, because sorry is such a personal word.
Additionally, for many of us, the word sorry has become a 'go-to' word, even when we haven't made a mistake.
In my opinion, the word sorry should is best used in two situations;
When you have genuinely made a mistake.
When you have a personal relationship with someone and they tell you about something bad that has happened to them.
So how can we use the words, I'm sorry, in a better way?
Extend your sentence: Say something like, "I'm so sorry for your loss", or "I am so sorry to hear that this has happened to you". That way your brain knows that it is not something personal to you.
Acknowledge their emotion:
"I can't imagine what that must be like."
"That must be terribly difficult."
"The loss of someone is never easy is it."
"Are you coping okay with everything?"
Then I leave a gap and wait for the other person to talk.
On most occasions, the other person responds by telling me how they feel. They may even shed a tear or two, and that is a good thing. If they do cry, say to them "Take your time". They will usually take a breath and regain control and be able to move on.
It is important to acknowledge an emotion in our daily conversations. There is a saying in crisis negotiating - 'Acknowledging an emotion disarms it' - and it does. It helps the other person to have someone acknowledge the situation and/or emotion that they find themselves stuck in. And, it also helps you by making you feel good about being able to help someone in their difficult time.
We are humans and for most of us, it's all about our emotions.
The word sorry is powerful and saying sorry is a good thing, if how you are using the word 'sorry' is working for you then by all means keep doing so.
Let's talk!
Should I Say Sorry!