What can we do about anger?
Anger can be triggered by an underlying emotion such as fear, frustration, disgust, sadness, grief, the list seems endless. We are all familiar with anger being a part of the grief cycle, a very vital part of losing a loved one. Anger often occurs as part of our automatic fight-flight-freeze response, being more closely associated with fight.
The good news is that we can learn to control our anger and the more that we do so the better that we feel and the less frequent anger will be used. Here are three steps to take to control our immediate reaction in a situation if anger is our go-to emotion;
Plan for it - Think ahead to situations that are likely to cause you to become angry - shopping, a customer service inquiry, going to meet with your boss - and have a pre-planned reply to what they might say that would anger you. Have a new sentence such as - "I hear what you are saying" followed by your planned reply that is joined with the word "and", not the word "but". "I hear what you are saying and ..."
Breathe out, not in - When we are angered, our breathing becomes short and shallow therefore we have too much oxygen which causes us to hyperventilate thus increasing our brain activity and increasing our anger. Breathe out completely and hold for 3 seconds before resuming regular breathing. Breathing out reduces our heart rate and a low heart rate decreases our brain activity.
Never say the first thing that comes into your head - When we are angered we go immediately go to our patterned learned reply that is often harsh and hurtful because we feel as though we are under attack. Think about your reply when you pause your breathing and soften the words.
Once you have dealt with the immediate situation then introduce a second strategy to relieve any pent-up anger;
Exercise - Go for a fast walk or run, hit the punch bag, lift some heavy weights, or any form of intense exercise that releases your energy.
Write - Write out how you feel and then destroy what you have written by burning, ripping, crushing, and completely obliterating the piece of paper.
Communicate - Celebrate your success of not getting angry by telling someone about what happened and how well you handled it. We learn by reward, dopamine, and we need to introduce dopamine if we want to reinforce the positive and continue with our new pattern of behaviour.
Emotions must come out, and doing so in a positive way will have a far greater benefit for everyone, particularly you.
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What Can We Do About Anger!