There are many methods for overcoming adversity - meditation, hypnosis, cognitive behavioural therapy, neuro-linguistic programming, aversion therapy, desensitisation, or distraction - all of which have their merits.
No single method is better than the other, each technique has pros and cons, it depends on the person on which the technique is being used. It is finding the right one for our self that is important, perhaps more important though is to keep trying if one method does not work.
Just as we need to find the right therapist, the important point here is to find a therapist that you truly connect with, we also need to find the right technique that we truly connect with. The technique that I have been having great success with is something stemming from RAIN therapy. Nothing to do with the weather if that is what you are thinking.
RAIN is an acronym for: Recognise - the feeling you are having; Allow - the wave of emotion as it hits; Investigate - your sensations, thoughts, emotions; and Note - what is happening moment to moment.
Dr Judson Brewer has worked for over 20 years with people suffering from anxiety. And they do suffer from anxiety as it is debilitating for people who have it. He has been successfully using this technique with his clients over recent times with wonderful results and published the results in his latest book Unwinding Anxiety.
The premise is that we as a species are naturally born without fear, we learn most of our fears. Let me ask you this if you are doubtful about the premise. If you place a young child next to a swimming pool, what are the chances of the child going into the water? Very high, right. Next to an open fire, how high is the likelihood that the child will want to touch the flickering flame?
What we are, as a species, is curious. We are curious to know, curious to learn, curious to find our boundaries. Hence, we will go into the pool or touch the flame. Here's how simple our brain works - we want to know what is down by the river so we go down there a crocodile lunged at us. Don't go down to the river from now on because last time that you went down there a crocodile lunged at you is what we remember.
We learn not to go down to the river again because we now have a marker in our memory about that event, the crocodile lunging at us. What we seldom stop to think about though is that we got away, we managed to outrun the crocodile. Nor do we stop and think after the event that the crocodile may have moved on to another part of the river. We simply avoid the river entirely to stay safe.
Our curiosity has been satisfied - don't go near the river ever again! In fact, we may have lost our curiosity about all other unknown rivers. What might happen if we kept that curiosity going and used it to overcome our fear of visiting rivers again? Just like getting back onto the horse that threw us off to overcome that fear.
If you are having trouble moving on from something in your past, particularly if it is accompanied with a nervous feeling, try this technique.
As that nervous, sickly feeling arrives, get curious with it. Think to yourself - "Hmmm, I wonder why you are back, what are you doing here, what are you trying to tell me?" Why not go further by welcoming it back and focus completely on the feeling. How does it feel, what part of your stomach are you feeling it in, is it moving around or is it static, is it increasing or diminishing, how long is it here for?
Just as the brain holds on to memories of negative events, designed to do so to keep us safe from harm, it also holds on to the feelings and emotions which are attached to that memory. As shown in my last book - Dark Side of the Brain - thoughts, feelings and emotions are interconnected.
If we push a negative thought, feeling, or emotion away, our brain can tend to hold onto it more because that is what our subconscious is designed to do. By getting curious and welcoming the thought, feeling, or emotion, our subconscious simply lets it go. We remove the negative attachment, we embrace the fear, and our brain says, "Nothing to see here, let's move on to something else".
Get curious with it, not scared of it. Don't push it away, bring it closer. Embrace it, not step back from it.
Let's talk!
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