Reflecting this week after a busy few weeks with filming, a book launch and lots of interviews, I found myself pondering a few questions;
· Did I think it all the way through, writing a book, filming a documentary, being interviewed, having my photo taken, and being in the spotlight - No. I never expected so much coverage in such a short space of time and, while kind of nice, it is also a little unsettling and took my mind away from what I should be doing in my business.
· Was I surprised at the response - Yes. And what a heart-warming and moving experience with so many positive messages, words of kindness, personal stories shared, and not a single negative comment. (That's not an invitation to send me one by the way!)
· Would I want to be in the spotlight again - Yes. Being in a job where the majority of your work is negative often distorts your reality. For the most part; people are good, people are kind, people are honest, people don't set out to hurt others. And, people like to see that you are human and that you show it.
· Was I completely honest to myself in telling my story – No. More than once I thought of suicide, I said that it only happened to me once. There were several other times when I had a fleeting thought and that is all it was, a quick flash which I dismissed immediately. I simply thought of my family and friends and the thought disappeared as quickly as it entered.
· Would people now think of me differently - Yes. I am sure that the majority of people will see my story for what it was, someone who was working far too hard who ignored the warning signs and tried to work through his thoughts, alone. You should never ever do that.
· Have I changed - Yes. I have mellowed, I now take time out, I am no longer afraid to show emotion, I no longer care what people say about me, (well, mostly anyway) I am now being me with all of my flaws.
· Have I learned one important message through all of this - Yes. People are fundamentally good; it is their circumstances that sometimes alters their behaviour.
· Would I do things in my life differently - Yes. I would have taken more time out, I would not try to do everything all at once, and I would most importantly tell someone if I was feeling down.
With that being said, it is now time for me to move on. This is the last post that I will do about myself, after all it's not all about me (right now my brain is saying "Yes it is, stop saying that”).
From now on, as much as my brain will let me, I want to focus on you. I want to pay you back for your kindness shown to me over the last few weeks. I want to give back to those who have sent me such wonderful messages, one as recently as this morning. I want to help as many people as I can. I want to be there for you like you would have been there for me had I just asked.
Your kindness and humanity overwhelms me, let me pay you back.