Extreme Thoughts, Are You In Control of Them?

I want you to be completely honest with yourself - have you ever had an extreme thought pop into your head and wondered where it came from or why you had that thought? Did it frighten you, maybe even freak you out a little bit? You tried to quickly dismiss the thought and move on with other thoughts but every so often you came back to thinking, why did I have such a bizarre, extreme thought?

What am I talking about? Have you ever stood on the edge of a tall building, bridge, or cliff and thought - I wonder what it would be like to step off, or, you feel drawn to just falling? When this happens, you jump back with a fright and don't trust yourself to go near the edge again.

Perhaps your thought might be more extreme - I wonder what it would be like to watch someone die, or, maybe to kill someone? Just a fleeting thought that comes and goes in an instant so you try to bury (excuse the pun) that thought deeply for fear you might be going crazy.

There are other similar thoughts about; religion and wanting to shout out something inappropriate during a church service, of harming children you love, of a sexual nature, hurting animals, and even about your own death. These are termed 'intrusive thoughts' and they are normal, truly they are. You are not going crazy.

Where do these thoughts come from, like everything with the brain there is no single nor clear answer for each of us. For some it might be genetics, biological, environmental, or a combination of these and many other things. The best I can come up with, and this is just my opinion, the intrusive thought is a survival mechanism designed to remind us of what is right and what is wrong.

More so, intrusive thoughts are to remind us that we are in control of our thoughts otherwise we would have acted on them.

So, what should you do about it if you have an intrusive thought, dismiss it as normal and quickly move on without another thought about it. This can be difficult to do if the uninvited thought hits at your core values. For example, you might love animals and you have this sudden thought that you could kill the cat laying asleep on your lap, the one that you love so dearly. Those thoughts are harder to dismiss because they frighten us to the core.

Nevertheless, you must move on quickly.

We know that we learn things through repeated actions, if you pay attention to that fleeting uninvited thought you are just adding fuel to the fire. Neurons that fire together wire together and you are forming a neural pathway that is hard to break. For example, if you have that fleeting thought about hurting the cat, we either become anxious about the thought and keep thinking about why we are such a bad person, or we over-compensate for that thought by lavishing affection on the cat.

Worse still, we might dismiss the intrusive thought and then every so often 'check back' with our thoughts to see if it is still there!

All of these responses will hold that thought in your head thus making it stick in your mind. Let it go immediately and know that it is normal, that you are normal. If you don't do this, that continued thought might eventually take you down.

Know this, the more that you think about something the more we start to believe the thought.

Rather than dwelling on the negative thought, replace the intrusive thought with a more positive one. Instead, start telling yourself that you are better than you think you are because it's just that, it's a thought that you aren't. Better still, start telling yourself (thinking) that you are stronger than you think you are, because you are, that intrusive thought has simply reminded you of that because you didn't carry it out.

Go with your heart, not your head, because your head is full of nonsense at times.

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Rumination, That Thought That Just Keeps On Giving...

Rumination is described as repeated thoughts about something that occurred or of a problem that we are trying to solve. Typically though, rumination is also about replaying a negative event arising from feelings of guilt and regret.

Ruminating over good things can be helpful as it allows us to find a solution. Conversely, ruminating as a result of guilt and/or regret is bad for us and will often lead to anxiety and/or depression.

The number one way of avoiding rumination, regardless of whether it is positive or negative, is to talk with someone about it. Why, because the longer we keep 'thinking' about something without some form of control the higher the chance that it will end in negative rumination as our brain goes into our memory to find the solution from past experience.

As we know, around 80% of our memory is of negative things which, evolutionary, was designed to keep us safe from danger.

Doing nothing is not an option when it comes to rumination. Doing nothing will only increase rumination. Research is overwhelming in the finding that socialisation, talking with others, is critical if we want to stop rumination and to move on with our life.

Socialisation is hardwired into our brains. If you want to see how socialisation operates, the next time that you are talking with a friend and in deep conversation, turn your head and look away as they are speaking. What happens, the other person stops talking or talks louder to regain your attention.

It makes no difference, apparently, who we talk to. A friend, a mentor, a spiritual adviser, a family member, or even a pet. All are helpful. I would suggest a good friend or family member because they may be able to give you both emotional support and solid advice whereas I doubt that your pet could give you any advice whatsoever. (No offence to pet lovers).

Talking may not make the problem go away but what it will do is lessen the emotional pain as it is never a good thing to hold onto negative thoughts. Holding on to negative thoughts only exaggerates them.

What if you don’t want to, or can’t talk to anyone about what you are ruminating over? There is another option described by Sonja Lyubomirsky in her book The Myths of Happiness. In very new research, it is suggested that we should go through the event in our mind as though we are seeing it through someone else’s eyes.

Sonja terms it ‘the fly on the wall’ view. According to her findings, seeing an event from a distance allows us to replay the event without rehashing the emotional connection. Replaying an event in this way has the same effect as speaking with someone.

Essentially then, a problem shared is indeed a problem halved, whether it is with another person or with ourselves viewing it from a distance.

Let’s talk!

Annoyances Are Far Worse For Us Than Major Events!

Contrary to what we might think, it is the small annoyances in our lives that have a greater negative impact than do major events. In her book The Myths of Happiness, Sonja Lyubomirsky describes why this is so.

According to her research, when a major event happens we tend to get motivated to quickly overcome the event. Additionally, we look to others for help and support more so than we would for minor annoyances. Furthermore, we conduct increased cognitive (learning & understanding) activity in our brain after a major event such as rationalising why the event happened, what was the reason for it happening if there was one, looking on the bright side of the event, and so on.

With smaller annoyances, we tend to try and dismiss the event as insignificant, trivial, and easily moved on from. We often try to ignore the event, or think that we did so, yet later that day/evening the annoyance returns to our thoughts. We also don’t tell anyone about what happened for fear that it won’t mean anything to that person or that they may ridicule us for getting hung-up on such a little thing.

When we hold onto any negative event in our head, the thoughts of it become exaggerated due to something termed as catastrophising. It’s our brain's way of expanding the danger to bring clarity so that we can fix the issue. Unfortunately, when we catastrophise we create a reality that doesn't exist.

If the annoyance has been and gone we are left with only two options; try and dismiss it or talk to someone about the annoyance to bring balance to our thoughts. We know that trying to dismiss something that is playing on our mind generally doesn't work so we are left with talking to someone about it. The problem with doing so is that the person we are telling might say ‘You need to put a bridge over it’, or ‘Just move on’.

There is a third option that you may wish to try - “Run to the fire” - is a mantra I coach. Bring the annoyance to the fore as it occurs. Research suggests that for the majority of us, we should deal with little annoyances at the time. The old adage of ‘not sweating the small stuff’ has now been largely dismissed, particularly so if the ‘small stuff’ is playing on our mind.

So, when things don't go as planned this holiday season, 'run to the fire'., ensuring firstly that you are in control of your emotions would be my advice.

Let's talk!

Happiness, Optimism, or Positivity?

Some say that we should be happier, and we should be. Others say that it helps to be optimistic, again no questions from me, we should try to as much as possible. But where does positivity fit into things and which of the three is possibly better for us?

Happiness

The state of being happy, an emotional state. Making the best of what you have rather than having the best there is. A feeling of contentment. Happiness is different for each of us, it is for me the final outcome, the fruit of our labour if you like. We cannot be happy all of the time but being as happy as we can is the best that we can hope for when times get tough. Or is it?

In her book, 'The Myths of Happiness', Sonja Lyubomirsky discusses the many factors involved in happiness. The overarching message is one that we already know, what makes one person happy may not make another person happy and it is doing more of what makes you happy that is of greatest benefit for us.

However, if you have unresolved challenges, you may need to get them sorted before you can become truly happy.

Optimism

"Forever the optimist", always looking for the best in everything. It is said that optimists see the glass half full rather than half empty. Nevertheless, the glass remains with less than its total capacity. What about if we saw it as a glass that once emptied, could be refilled, because that is what it is.

Optimists, similar to those who explore happiness, are looking for the good in everything. Seldom do you hear an optimist say "Lucky we didn't die", most will say "What did I learn?"

Being optimistic may change your thoughts about a situation but it won't provide you with total control. Optimism could be viewed as hoping for the best whereas it might be better to prepare for the worst so that you increase the chances of a better outcome.

Conversely, preparing for the worst involves negative thinking, looking at what could go wrong rather than what could go right. Could this make you only look for negative things?

Positivity

Positivity, similar to the above two states, goes further to involve doing things that makes us happy, steering our thoughts, and controlling or changing our emotions. Barbara Fredrickson examined positivity and found it doesn't just change the content of our minds, it also widens the span of possibilities. In her book, 'Positivity', Barbara shows us that science indicates that positivity doesn't just reflect success and health, similar to happiness and optimism, positivity also produces success and health.

Barbara lists ten forms of positivity; joy, gratitude, serenity, interest, hope, pride, amusement, inspiration, awe, and love. Doing any or all of these things in a meaningful way will help us greatly.

Positivity, in short, is doing what makes us happy and feeling the joy that it brings.

No matter what state you choose, happiness, optimism, or positivity, it should always be a positive one. Positivity may not be for you despite science suggesting otherwise, just trying to be happy may be enough to change you.

The challenge is though, your brain (and your mind) can tell the difference between what is genuine and what is not. A recent study found that insincere positivity puts us at risk of having a heart attack in the same way that anger does.

'Fake it until you make it' might help initially, then it is up to you to 'Make it, to make it'.

Let's talk!

Exciting Times To Get Your Brain Excited.

There have been some encouraging discoveries, developments, and confirmations in relation to how to support our mind (mental) health. Here are a few of them;

*Neuroplasticity is a good place to start. Simply described, neuroplasticity is the brains ability to form new connections, to rewire itself. If a part of the brain gets damaged, it often has the ability to form new connections, termed functional plasticity. We can also change our brain's physical structure as a result of learning, termed structural plasticity.

In his book The Secret Life of the Mind, Dr Mariano Sigman researched what predisposes our brains to change and stay changed. Heat is the answer. Simply repeating a thought over and over will not necessarily change our brains unless there is a determination (motivation) to actually make the change, when both of these work in tandem dopamine is released into our brain thus the brain becomes 'plastic' similarly to what water does to clay. Therefore, to change our brains faster for longer, it comes down to both motivation and effort.

*Epigenetics is proving to be another field of exciting development for psychology. We know that all of us are who we are from the affects of both nature (genetics) and nurture (what happens to us). Recent science, through fMRI scanning shows that we can actually turn some genes on and some off by controlling our thoughts on a specific thought. Unfortunately not all genes can be used in this way, we can't 'think' ourselves taller or to grow more hair!

*A team of engineers and physicians at the University of Southern California (USC) have recently discovered that mood variations can be decoded from neural signals in the human brain and thus by using this code, the goal is to create a technology that helps clinicians obtain a more accurate map of what is actually happening in a depressed brain at a particular moment in time. By obtaining a more objective assessment of our mood over time to guide a more directed course of treatment.

*Researchers have identified a new process in the brain that is responsible for the delayed stress response and the long-term effects of stress: with a delay of 10 minutes after the "danger" occurred, the area of the brain that reacts to stress and responsible for further action is activated via cerebral (brain) fluid. This could provide new perspectives for understanding the processes at play in post-traumatic stress disorder, chronic stress and burnout.

*Researchers are recognising more and more that the intestinal microbiota (gut microbes) affects our health. The human intestine contains tens of trillions of microorganisms and humans have developed a symbiotic relationship with these bacteria. Studies show that the intestinal microbes also influences the brain. By transferring specific microbes from the gut of a person who has had depression may help immunise others from depression. (Transferring faeces may work the same way...)

So what do all of these 'new' and encouraging discoveries, developments, and confirmations mean for the future? If we continue to advance the way that we are, brain diseases and disorders may well become less frequent and when they do occur, they can be healed much faster.

Something that is common with all of these studies that is overwhelmingly obvious, we are discovering, developing and confirming what we have always known - eating a balanced diet, exercising at least four times a week, reducing harmful habits, and having a balanced lifestyle will help us all. Furthermore, if we bring enthusiasm and effort into the mix, we increase the chances of a positive outcome.

Finally, let's not forget the huge benefits of socialisation, of talking with real people in real life. Socialisation is hardwired into us all.

Let's talk!

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