Just Back Off Type-A, Or Else!

Maturity (old age) brings with it wisdom. Often we find ourselves needing wisdom much earlier in our life to protect us. Sometimes wisdom comes to us and we don't see the value in it until it is too late.

Researching as I have over the last 15 years as to why I went mad, I found that there are many factors involved in 'burnout'. I discovered for me a major factor was my Type-'A' personality. 

I was a typical Type-A guy who had the three common traits; competitiveness, time urgency and hostility. Throw into the mix perfectionism and that equals a high tendency towards burnout and depression.

Here's what I try to do more of these days to successfully avoid going down a path that leads to nothing but darkness;

Competitiveness - I am still very competitive in my business, doing everything that I can to provide the best service possible to my clients and to promote my work. I still work long hours, keeping busy, continually looking for that additional edge that I can offer.

But this time I compete with myself instead of those around me. Previously I competed with those around me and I would do whatever it took to succeed. I simply wanted to beat them. If I did not 'win' in the competition, I felt terrible and self-deprecated for days or weeks afterwards.

Now if I do not succeed as I thought I should have (and it is just that, my own thoughts) I dismiss it and move on to the next challenge. There are plenty of challenges to take up my time without adding regret into the mix.

Time Urgency - I wanted to be the best, to be number one, and to get there immediately. As a builder I had to be the best tradesman, then as a construction foreman I had to be the one who was admired, then as a cop I wanted fast promotion, then as a Detective I had to get to Detective Inspector rank, and as a crisis negotiator I had to be the National Advisor. No matter what I did I had to get to the top as fast as I could.

Once I got what I wanted I never took the time enjoy the moment, I moved quickly on to the next desire. "What's the next move up from here and how fast can I get there?" I would ask myself. And when I didn't get there within a short timeframe I held jealousy foremost in my mind for those who got there first.

These days I know that there is no such need for urgency. It will happen when the time is right, when I have learned enough, when I am ready.

Perfectionism - I have always wanted to do everything just right, and to an extent I still do. I still give everything to be at my very best and if someone feels it is not quite good enough or isn't what they wanted, I change to what they want. 

I now know that perfectionism is a self-assessment. What is the very best in my view may not be good enough from another's viewpoint. I will give 100% and know that I have done all that I can. If it is not up to my standard and I can't do anything about it to get it there then I move on.

Hostility - Research tells us that Type-A's often display high levels of anger, envy and a lack of compassion. The first two were certainly the case for me, compassion is something that my mother gave to me and for which I am very grateful to her. 

Previously I often displayed anger. When I feel anger swelling inside I now take a long, slow, deep, quiet breath and once I have filled my lungs completely I count to five while holding my breath.

Anger starts with a psychological reaction which leads to a physiological reaction. The quickest way to overcome this is to use a physiological (deep breath and hold) and psychological (counting inside my head) response.

Saying ‘No’ – I added this one into the mix because I found that I was unable to say ‘no’. Because of this I was always busy, both at work and at home. I will never be able to say ‘no’, I know that. I want (need) to be busy, I want to help, and I want to succeed.

Now I say ‘no’ by reducing the things that aren’t so important. Home and work will always be important to me and will always come first, in that order.

But now I spend less time trying to fit so much into every day. The lawns can wait, that car needn’t be pristine, I don’t need to run 10 kilometres each day, I can phone someone instead of sending an email, I can take 30 minutes out between business meetings.

I wish I was this wise when I was much younger, but then I guess I would never have learned so much about myself.

10 Things That I Do to Keep Myself Well

I am currently working overseas with my wife. She is my business partner, my 'numbers' guru, and my carer. The trip is for business and pleasure. (More the former than the latter for me.)   

I asked my wife, what topic should I post about on Linked In today? Her response, "Do you never stop?" It made me think, am I heading down a path that I have been down before which ended badly.

Many years ago I was so busy at work that I never really looked after myself. The result, my brain failed and I had a 'little' meltdown. Burnout can hit anyone if we don't look after ourselves. Trust me on this.

I am working harder now than I ever have. And I don't really switch off these days, running your own business does that to you. I often find myself caught in the trap of responding to emails immediately, researching on the latest trends, developing new programmes, etc., etc.

So how do I know that I am not going to have another meltdown? I do things differently today than I did 15 years ago and I now ‘listen’ to my body (and brain). Here’s what I do to keep myself sane in these busy times;

1.      I respond to emails three times a day. This allows me to relax knowing that I will answer all emails within 24 hours and there is nothing outstanding when I go to bed. And I can work in-between the emails.

2.     I go to bed earlier rather than later. Sleep is the most important thing that you can do for yourself, bar none. If I miss out on sleep through the week I take a ‘Grandpa” nap in the weekend. Importantly, if I can’t get to sleep because my brain is racing flat out at night, I don’t panic. I might be tired the next day but it is not the end of the world, I will get through the day.

3.     I exercise as regularly as I can. The benefits of exercise are endless and helps both your body and brain. Thirty minutes is a minimum, 45 minutes is the maximum. (I used to exercise for 1.5 hours every day)

4.     I eat better than I used to. I have cut out refined sugar (almost), I eat more vegies, and I eat regularly. I drink lots of water but not too much so that I am flushing out the essential nutrients in my body.

5.     I use lists, lots of them. This stops me from worrying that I might miss something the next day. Plus, writing something down engages the logic brain and removes emotions.

6.     I talk, a lot. Socialisation is what we are supposed to do and don’t do enough of these days. (I used to converse with my boss via email, he was in the office next door.)

7.     I have stopped worrying. Well, as much as I can stop worrying. The universe seems to work better when we don’t worry or panic. I works as hard as I can and know that I have done all that I can.

8.     I listen to my body and brain. If I have an injury or get sick, I rest or go to the doctor to get it sorted. If I ‘feel’ like I should do something, I do it. Our body and brain are linked, and we need to listen to both.

9.     I say sorry when I make a mistake.

10.   I try to be as humble and polite as I can be.

Brain Food

I often get confused as to what I should eat to keep my brain working well, protein or carbohydrates. And what about sugar and fats - should I have some or not. Here's what I can make out of the latest research;

Protein - Eating protein increases mental alertness. It has something to do with the supply of neurotransmitters. Strawberries, blueberries and spinach has been shown to reverse the deterioration of our thinking ability. Even better still, dark chocolate has 10 times the flavonols of these 'mind foods'. (I know what I am going to eat but remember, it does have sugar.) 

Carbohydrates - You need some of these but only in the morning because you need slow release Carbs to keep your energy levels up across the day. Unprocessed carbs are the best.

Fats - Eliminate as much saturated fats as you can as these clog your arteries. You do need some for your brain, low-fat diets have been found to increase accidents, depression and suicides.  Unsaturated fats are needed to keep your brain functioning, without them your brain cells will actually die.

Sugar - We crave sugars when we are tired or over-anxious. Refined sugar is fast acting therefore the calming effect is immediate. Unfortunately processed sugars produce excessive amounts of insulin and that is not good for you. It also increases your craving of sugar! 

So where does this leave you, cringing at what you should and shouldn't eat like me? Here's a quick guide for brain food;

·        Start breakfast with whole grain toast and an egg - the processed carbs will release slowly across the day and you need protein at every meal.

·        Eat complex carbs in the morning - fruit, salad, raw vegetables and proteins like fish or poultry.

·        For extra brain power – eat eggs, oily fish such as salmon or mackerel and stewed unsweetened fruits.

·        Graze all day - rather than have three square (huge) meals a day, have three moderate meals and snack in between on protein foods such as yoghurt, cheese, nuts and seeds.  

Remember, eat smaller portions more often. If you are still confused, join the club. The suggestions above are to help your brain - which is my area of interest.

A good guide for me is to eat food that is as close to natural as possible.

A Leopard Can Change Its Spots

Science has come so far in recent times, and advancements seem to be accelerating with regard to genetics and in the area of interest to me, cognitive and neuroscience.

From adversity comes learning. Emergency surgery made huge leaps in the 1st and 2nd World Wars, a lot was learned about knee surgery during the civil unrest in Northern Ireland, and studies of head injuries resulting from motorcycle accidents before crash helmets became compulsory all added to these advancements.

Now we are learning more without the need for adverse situations. Technology now enables science to do things it was never previously thought possible.

My particular interest is in suicide, not a macabre interest, it's about how to prevent the emotional response that some of us suffer(ed). As a consequence of my research, I was interested to learn that we are not as bound by genetics as we once thought we might have been.

Some of it has to do with habits, worry is an example. We know that worry is partially hereditary (genetic), some of it is learned behaviour from our prominent caregiver in our formative years, and the remainder is from habit.

None of us can change the first influencer, (yet) psychology can help with understanding and changing our formative structural influencer, but all of us can change a habit. And a lot of worry is often a habit we have got into. 

Because our brain is wired negatively (a generalisation but one that seems appropriate here) we often think negatively about a situation and begin to worry about it. There are a few tricks that might help you if you are prone to worry.

The first is a bit painful. Wear a rubber band around your wrist and when you catch yourself having a negative thought flick the rubber band on the inside of your wrist which will cause a sharp pain to go to your brain. This soon stops most bad habits.

Another thing that you can do is to write out the issue that you are worried about. When we write something down we tend to disengage the emotional brain and engage the logic brain. We should never write down an emotion unless it is a positive one as writing something down can lodge it into your subconscious.

It takes 60 to 80 days to change a habit so persevere with your new habit. You will notice a change within 21 days. You cannot change a habit in such a short period as this but a difference will be apparent.

Other ways to stop worrying include;

·        Talk about your problem with someone

·        Do things that make you uncomfortable so that you get used to knew things

·        Sit and think about what it is about the issue that you are worried about

·        Remember that 90 % of what we worry about never eventuates

·        Take it to the extreme - what is the very worst that can happen

A leopard can change its spots, it just depends on the way it does so.

I Hate Mental Illness - The Term Not The People

Time for me to have a short rant, I apologise early for it.

The world in which we live is full of labels, some of them have an unnecessary stigma attached to them. Here is one that, if we changed the term, it may sound less serious and possibly lose the stigma that comes with it.

Mental Illness - When someone says that they have a mental illness, it is often the case that we are reluctant to get to know that person. Not all of us do this, and maybe we will eventually get to know them, but our first reaction is to hold back.

Why does this happen? For me, it was when I did not know enough about the brain and the many ways on which it operates (and often fails), that this particular label conjures up feelings of fear of the unknown which can lead to alienation for the person affected and effected. 

Then I had a mental illness, I had a mild case of depression. (I convince myself it was mild, as it only lasted for a year and I didn’t need prescription medication to recover). The technical term for my mental illness - Accumulated Stress Disorder - the simple term is burnout. Note that I didn't say that I 'suffered' from it, I was 'had' it. Suffering is another negative word that we attach to the term mental illness. 

Sometimes my illness returns in small doses and manifests itself through negative thoughts. I don't see this as a mental illness, I prefer to call it 'brain sickness'. Because that is all it was, my brain got sick and now it's better. (Some may say that I am still mad, but in a nice way.)

For years little was known about the brain, now we know a lot more. The more that I learn about it the more that I am fascinated by how simple it works yet how complex it is. 

So why is there a long-lasting stigma attached to brain sickness? I think because we still don't know enough about it and we don’t talk enough about it. Possibly also because we previously locked people away when their brain got sick. A little might be that we can't see it and we fear what we can’t see.

Having a brain sickness can be no different to any other illness. Sometimes we can fix it, other times we need medication short term or longer term. And sometimes we may never be completely healed.

But isn’t it the same thing as getting malaria, having migraines, diabetes, and high cholesterol to name but a few. Sometimes we get over it, sometimes we need medication for a few weeks/months or maybe for the rest of our life.

A broken bone will heal itself but there will always be a weakness and residual pain from the break. When we break our brain, the same thing happens. If the arm is broken badly enough, we will never be able to use it properly again. The same goes for the brain. Which one would you be more empathetic towards – the person with the broken arm or the broken brain?