10 Things Not To Say Or Do!

Because our brains are wired negatively - four negative emotions and one positive emotion - and because our emotional reaction is much faster than our logical brain, we are sometimes filled with regret at things we say and do.

Here are a few tips and rules to help you to reduce saying and doing dumb things and for recovering quickly when we do which will reduce our subsequent negative feelings;

1.     Never say the first thing that comes into your head, it is always wrong. Your brain is wired to defend you and will want to overcome any hint of an attack by getting nasty. Take a deep slow breath and say the next thing that comes to mind, your logical brain would have caught up by then.

2.     Never say anything when you are angry and never confront someone at the time when feelings are heated. Always take the humble ground and know that the other person will feel guilty because they were the aggressor.

3.     Never criticise someone. Say "I usually do this...." rather than say that they are doing it wrong.

4.     Show your appreciation if someone offers you advice or helps you with something despite the fact you never asked for it or wanted it. They just want to help.

5.     If you make a mistake or know that you are wrong, admit it immediately. By not doing so will only cause you more angst thinking about it later and it is more difficult to apologise as time goes on.

6.     Try to see things from the other person's point of view, it will help you to understand the way that they are behaving.

7.     Acknowledge good ideas, don't let jealousy stop you from doing so.

8.     Do less talking, the other person will feel more important and you have less chance of saying the wrong thing.

9.     Talk about mistakes that you have made in the past before talking about the other person’s mistakes.

10. Let the other person save face. Never point out when they are wrong as it will make you look arrogant.

Alcohol May Not Be The Answer

I tried it, self-medication, using alcohol and/or tranquilisers to help get me through a few bad times. And it seemed to work, or at least that is what I thought it did. Now that I have studied more about personal resilience (resiliency) maybe it wasn't such a great idea after all.

I am not alone in self-medicating. In Britain for example where there is a population of 63 million, people allegedly consume up to 10 million tranquilisers, 10 million cannabis joints, and 120 million alcoholic drinks each week. 

These three drugs help to boost the neurotransmitter GABA (gamma-amino-butyric acid) which turns off the production of adrenalin and calms us down. This is why we feel so good when we have had that first drink. Unfortunately the feeling only lasts for an hour or so, and we become irritable again. So we have another drink.

Eventually, after a session of drinking, the GABA levels become suppressed and we return to being irritable and stressed. In other words it has the reverse effect. 

Most of us avoid this reverse effect by drinking in the evening and going to bed while we are still under the influence. We get to sleep very quickly because of the sedative (and depressive) nature of alcohol. Unfortunately alcohol disturbs the normal REM cycle where our dreams help regenerate the mind while we sleep.

So, we wake up feeling even worse because of low GABA, dehydration, and sluggishness as our body tries to get rid of the toxin - alcohol. The end result, you are more anxious than when you first started.

Bottom line, self-medication is not the answer. Alcohol in particular is certainly not the answer and you may be doing yourself more harm than good by consuming alcohol to self-medicate. It's taken me 40 years to find this out after lots of experimenting on your behalf...

Try it for yourself, have a couple of nights without alcohol and see how you feel in the morning. I try to and it works for me.

What I Don't Know Much About

Confession time from me. I know quite a bit about communication, particularly in dealing with difficult people and situations, and I know a lot about practical ways to mitigate the accumulation of negative pressure (stress). However, there are quite a lot of things that I don't know about in relation to wellbeing.

Here are some things that I wish I knew more about because I believe that knowing more about them would help us to overcome the negative impact of pressure from our daily work;

Diet - There are so many foods that we should avoid when we are under pressure and so many others that we could eat to help us deal better with pressure. I have read a lot about diets and dieting. What I do know is that dieting may not be all that good for you, the rebound phenomenon when we finish our diet is likely to see us gain more weight. I know that you should eat protein with every meal and eat slow release carbs to keep your energy levels up.

If I was to sum up what I have learned about diet, avoid as much sugar and processed foods as possible.

Supplements - Research suggests that Vitamin B and D, magnesium, chromium and selenium can help your mood increase in a positive way. The problem is to know how much to take, when to take them, what else to eat when taking them, and what happens if we take too much.

In summary, you need to see an expert on supplements but research suggests that it is well worth doing so if you want to lift your mood.

Detox - Over time toxins build up inside our bodies, I get that. But which detox programme should I use out of the many different detox programmes available is beyond me. Research tells us that we can speed up the recovery from certain forms of low mood (and possibly depression) if we quickly rid ourselves of toxins so it is worthwhile going on a detox programme.

As with supplements, you need to speak to an expert (not Dr Google, a reputable expert) on the best detox programme that is right for you.

Alcohol - Some would say that I should know a lot about this, I have been drinking alcohol since I was 15 years old. What I do know about alcohol is that it makes me feel good, at least for the first drink or two. I also know that it helps me to relax in the evening and also to get to sleep (but not stay asleep). I drink red wine because I enjoy the taste and research tells us that there are genuine benefits in consuming small quantities of red wine. I also know that if I don't supplement one glass of water for every glass of red wine I drink then I will quickly become dehydrated. 

In summary, alcohol is bad for us. Research indicates that the limited benefits we get from drinking alcohol does not outweigh the detrimental impact on our health and wellbeing. Bottom line, the more alcohol that you drink the worse it is for your health.

Sorry to end the week on a negative note, next week I will look at some happier topics. 

What Have I Learned From Animals.

There are a few things that I have learned from watching wild animals that we can use in business;

1.     The smallest does not necessarily mean the weakest - oftentimes the smallest animals have the largest heart, so too can it be in business.

2.     The runt of the litter need not remain that way - just because we are rejected and isolated need not mean that we have to stay that way, if you fight hard enough you can become stronger than the rest.

3.     There is strength in numbers - if you have a small business, collaborate with others when needed to become stronger.

4.     Natural enemies can become friends - if you reach out to your competitors you may be able to work together using each of your strengths.

5.     Biggest is not necessarily better - Smaller businesses are more flexible, can adapt quickly to the ever-changing environment, and offer value for money.

6.     Rats don't desert a sinking ship - they leave when the time is right to find a better place to survive so sometime we may have to change what we do and how we do it.

7.     A turtle on its back will keep trying - no matter how bad things get, it is important to keep going.

8.     Weak species survive with numbers - surround yourself with good people, those who care about you, who support you, who want you to succeed.

9.     Animals are loyal - be loyal to your business, to your values, and mostly to yourself.

10. Animals will fight to the death for their family – ‘familia omnia’, family is all. Fight for your family because that is the most important thing in most of our lives.

One thing animals do not do (generally), and that is kill for pleasure. Humans are the greatest risk to animals. Maybe we should stop and think before killing an animal, after all we can learn a lot from them.

Just Say NO.

We are all busy and it seems that we are getting busier by the day. Some of us enjoy this while others are negatively impacted. Often we don't want to disappoint someone else so we tend to say "yes' when asked to do something. Unfortunately this desire to help, or rather not to disappoint, might be detrimental to our wellbeing.

Saying "yes" may be important to you so keep doing so if you can do the work to the best of your ability without it impacting on you. However, if you are saying yes because not doing so might make you look bad, appear selfish or unlikable, or that you just don't have the gumption to say "no" then here are a couple of tips that might help;

·        Delay the decision - Tell the person that you just need time overnight to sort out your other commitments. This will give you time and distance to make the decision plus the bonus of making you look like you are in control of your workload.

·        As yourself "Do I really want to do this?" - If the answer is no then you should say so. You don't have to be that blunt with your reply, say something like "I am flattered that you have asked me however I have so much on at the moment that I simply cannot give it my best."

·        Clarify the timeline - If it is something that you want to do then clarify the timeline. Does the task have to be completed immediately or is there the opportunity to extend the timeframe.

·        Can someone else complete the task - You may be the right person but there will be others who are just as good as you. It is important for businesses to spread their workload so offer up another name who you know can do the task. 

·        If it's your boss asking – Outline to your boss the many tasks that you have yet to complete and ask him or her which one they would like you to concentrate on first. They may not know how much work you have to undertake.

Remember that you need down time to do things to relax. Saying "no" can be difficult, more so if you have got into the habit of saying "yes". Know that saying "no" can also be exhilarating. Your brain will eventually thank you for saying it.