What Can We Learn From The Very Young?

Watching very young children at play can be one of the most enlightening things that we can do to build our resilience if we follow their lead. As I grandpa, I get to do this. Here's what I learned;

• Prejudice - Young children do not pre-judge, they see only young people just like them.
• Talk - They talk, a lot. Only those of the same age know what they are saying, but they are fully engaged in their gibberish.
• Your turn, my turn - When they are speaking, the other sits and listens.
• Share - They will share their toys. If they don't want to share, they hold the toy tight and rather than cause a fuss the other will find another toy to play with. 
• Compassion - If one grabs a toy from the other and the other begins to cry, the first will also begin to cry and most likely hand over the toy.
• Laughter - Children laugh, more than any other age. 
• Sleep - The very young know that sleep is important. They get cranky, rub their eyes, and cry when it is time for bed. 
• Adventurous - Boys in particular know no fears, they like to explore and try different things.
• Playful - They will choose simple things to play with and play with them until they have exhausted every way of playing with it.
• Forgive - If they have a fight with another, it is over and forgotten in a short space of time.
• Eat well - The only reason children like sugary foods is because we give it to them. Young kids will eat good food if you use the right words - yum, yum.
• Emotion - They aren't afraid to show emotion. If they are unhappy or sad they will cry, if they are happy they will smile and laugh.
• Ask - If they are having trouble, they will ask for help.
• Never give up - If they refuse help they will keep trying until they have tried every way.

I could go on, there are many ways in which we can learn from the very young. Innocence is lost as we grow and begin to take on learnings from our main influencers, our family and peers. Our attitude and perception becomes somewhat distorted.

Become young again, look at your attitude and perception and mirror the innocent behaviour of the very young.

How To Get Through The Week

Oh no, Monday has arrived. And there are five long days to go until party time. So what is going to happen this week, probably what happens every week.

I can expect a flurry of excitement once I arrive at work on a Monday as people talk about their weekend, that will last about 15 minutes.  This will be followed by a busy time working out what I have to do today, that's another 10 minutes gone. 

Then I will have the obligatory Monday morning meeting because apparently all of the information given to me on Friday has somehow fallen out of our head over the weekend. That meeting will go for far too long, at least we are now at 10:00. Now what?

Oh that's right, morning tea. Now we can sit around and talk about what a great weekend we all had, just like we did 2 hours ago. Perhaps a bit more detail though and a bit more laughing.

Back to the desk, let's start work. First email, nope, I'll do that one later because it looks like too much effort. Next email, they want me to do what? I'll need clarification on that so let's send it back to delay it more and look at the next one.

Third time lucky, I can do this one. Wow, look at the time, it's 10:30. Time's just flying by. And so it goes for the next six hours, then the next day, and then hump day (the middle of the week), but Thursday is after hump-day so I will slump down again.

Friday is here at last, which means that the weekend is just one day away. Don't Friday's just fly by? Talk to someone on a Friday and they will tell you how busy they are, and they are busy trying to get the work done that they were supposed to be doing over the last four days.

I wonder what would happen if I treated every day like a Friday? If I got stuck in to my work and went flat out. Time would certainly fly by, I would get a lot of work done, I wouldn't be procrastinating over the work I hated doing, I could ask for more work and start to get noticed by my boss, and doing more work would mean more variety.

And throughout the week when I felt down I could look forward to the end of the day, to the weekend coming up, to something exciting I had to do in a few weeks’ time, maybe even start planning an overseas holiday. That would keep my brain distracted and happy when I felt a bit down. Mind you if I got stuck into my work I probably wouldn’t feel so down, I would be achieving something, feeling like I was part of a team, feeling a sense of satisfaction.

Or I could just wallow in 'Mondayitis'. 

Can You Learn To Be Resilient?

I read yesterday that you cannot teach nor can you learn resilience. I was floored by this statement. It frightened me for two reasons; the first being I have a business which focusses on building resilience in people, the second is because I once "fell over" and now worry that it will happen again if I cannot build resilience within myself.

So I have spent the last 24 hours searching, reading, reviewing, and finalising my findings. YES, you can teach resilience and YES you can learn to be resilient. Recent research is overwhelmingly positive on this. (You can stop reading now if you wish!).

I will come back to the word 'positive' shortly but let's look at the word 'recent'. The majority of detractors I have read discussing resilience are those from a different generation. That's a nice way of saying the older people. Not all of them, just a few who have come out strongly against having the ability to learn to be resilient.

'Positive' psychology, from what I can determine, has been around for a while. But it would appear that positive psychology has made enormous leaps in recent years by advocates such as Martin Seligman. In Australia and New Zealand we have a wave of younger psychologists who are doing fantastic work in this area. They are open to new ideas and keep abreast of new research. And they speak in plain language.

I have read many many (that's lots of) books on psychology in a selfish attempt to help myself. The books that resonate the most for me were those who spoke of positive psychology. You see, it is not about the form of psychology used to get my head right, it is about finding the form that works for me. And positive psychology for me works, it works very well.

The methods used in positive psychology make sense. If you focus on thinking about positive things surely your brain will become accustomed to only thinking positively? A simplistic view perhaps but one that again works for me. And it works for others as I have found over the last 8 years of teaching communication and resilience.

I was fortunate enough to present at a wellbeing retreat run by the Auckland University of Technology this weekend. The programme I that I run is based on positive psychology and what I have found worked for me. The attendees of the resilience workshop enjoyed the session and each took away something to help themselves. It resonated with them not because of the facilitator, because it felt right.

To those who say that you cannot teach or learn resilience I say, why not? What if we were all different and side-stepped in another direction to traditional methods? What if psychology was about to make another leap forward, what if we took a holistic view at looking after our brain in the same way that we take a holistic view at looking after our body.

The answer for me is simple, (because I am a simple man), if it works then use it. If you haven't tried it, do so. After all what do you have to lose except your sanity?

I Want To Be Unhappy

I have had enough of being happy, I now want to be sad. Posting each day about ways to make myself happy is making me too happy. It is so difficult being happy, let's see if I can make myself sad for a change;

·        Start worrying about everything - Even the smallest thing can make me worry and I know that once I start to worry about the little things my brain will soon start worrying about everything. Perfect.

·        Hang around with negative people - The ones who talk about others behind their back, who spread rumours, who haven't a good thing to say about anyone or anything. That'll make me sad.

·        Avoid happy things and happy people - I don't want to fill my brain with happy things so best avoid anything happy. Who needs a balanced life anyway? Good choice.

·        Drink more alcohol - I know that this technique will initially make me happy but I also know that alcohol is a depressant so if I drink too much I will be sad tomorrow. Work through the happy to become sad. Good choice.

·        Eat more sugar - Just like alcohol, I am going to feel good while I am eating lots of it, the bonus is that I will feel terrible when I crash and the additional weight that I put on will make my unhappy. You beaut.

·        Stay up late - Sleep, it's overrated. Eight hours, rubbish. I am going to stay up late because that will make me less attentive and grumpy as hell tomorrow. Excellent.

·        Stay at home - If I go out I am bound to meet people who want to talk to me. That isn't going to happen. 

·        Avoid sunlight - Apparently sunlight has a vitamin that makes me happy. Nope, not going to do that unless I am going to stay in the sun for a long time and get burnt. Don’t even start on how sunlight produces melatonin needed to get a good night’s sleep.

·        Watch sad movies - There is enough happiness going on in my life, I am going to fill it with sad things, remember. Another good choice.

·        Watch my sports team lose, again - That will definitely make me feel sad, angry, and depressed all at the same time. That'll be first on my list. Then I can keep getting sad and angry and depressed by talking about the game with my mates. Oh, that's right, I am not going out so I won't have any mates.

·        Don’t exercise – I know how exercise always makes me feel happy, even a 30 minute walk wakes me feel happier. Avoid exercise at all costs will be my new mantra. After all, we only have so many breathes.

This negative stuff is easy, I will become unhappy in no time. Maybe I should post about this stuff more often, it is easier to write about than that happy rubbish.

Or I could do the opposite of what I have listed, and maybe keep myself happy forever. 

Motivate Staff Differently

As you know, there are now five generations in our workplace. Each generation communicates differently, thinks differently, behaves differently, and is motivated differently.

Gen-Ys, Millennials, and Pluralists aren't motivated by money or promotion as much as their predecessors. Nor can you threaten them. The traditional carrot-and-stick approach simply won't work.

As a consequence, the way we motivate staff has to be holistic to cover all generations. Motivating your staff can be broken in four categories;

·        Happiness - Linked to our only positive emotion (Joy) happiness will keep everyone motivated. Do this by valuing each person, celebrating birthdays and festive events, provide rewards such as 'duvet days' or ‘happy hours’, and most importantly take the time to talk with each person. When was the last time you sat with your team at lunchtime?

·        Ownership - Have a clear direction, know where you are going and how you will get there. Communicate this effectively. Provide the tools to allow your staff to do their work and leave them to get on with it. Continue with plenty of informal feedback but don't micro-manage. 

·        Career - Give as many people as you can something meaningful to work on apart from their day-to-day work. Have a number of project teams and include as many of your staff in each team as you can. Ideas on work practices and change processes (the way change is implemented) should be from the bottom up, not the top down. Vary your training practices, encourage movement within your organisation or perhaps move completely to another organisation is preferred. Millennials and Plurals need change and will stay with your company for about three years before looking to move on.

·        Environment - No one likes working in a cramped dark cold cupboard. Open up your workplace, have plenty of natural light, provide places to relax and make these places feel like 'home'. Free WiFi, TV, and electronic games will keep the junior staff motivated while newspapers, books, and an internet terminal will keep the 'mature' staff happy.

Making a few simple low-cost changes can help to motivate staff across all generations. Just ask them what they want.